Depressed and Unmotivated - M35

[Patrickj]

Hi everyone,

I don't know really what to say here other than I've been feeling so down and unmotivated lately. 

For context, I live an ideal life - fantastic, supportive spouse, good income, good family. I suppose it stems from my job as a teacher, a profession that I feel is treated as a joke among many students and their parents. Some students have no qualms about telling me that my value as a teacher is tied up with my 'low paying salary' (yes, they say this). When I tell them I'm quite a good wage, they'll reply with 'that's not a lot'. Yes, they're kids, but far out... this profession is burning me out. I've been teaching for 10 years and I'm ready to leave. 

What else gets me down is that I'm 35 and I feel like I'm essentially blocked out of the housing market. It genuinely feels like everyone is better off. I'm beginning to turn to alcohol to cope with a sense of 'I'm not good enough'. However, I know it's all a fallacy. I'd likely feel this way even with a house of my own. Something in me just doesn't feel right anymore. I feel so unmotivated. I used to read 50 books a year. Now I'm lucky to read 1. 

At this point, I go to sleep, wake up, go to a depressing job, and get more depressed at seeing others buying houses, getting new jobs, starting families. 

I'm so sorry, guys. This is really a first-world problem post and I should be more thankful. 

Thanks for listening.

[David35]

I can't comment as a teacher myself, but there was a point in time I aspired to be one. I have an engineering degree and for a while I contemplated becoming a maths teacher, until I tried tutoring. The students had no motivation, didn't want to learn, had an over-reliance on technology and the overall experience was very demoralising. So I feel your pain. I even tutored in a volunteer organisation in a homework club, whose name I probably can't mentioned because moderators will edit this post due to their over-excessive regulation. This was even worse and was treated as a creche. I was eventually bullied out of the position because the teachers felt intimidated by my knowledge of year 8 level maths and the fact I was actually helping the student (go figure!). It was a very toxic environment.

I suspect a large part of your nagging feeling is just the fact that you can no longer make a difference to these kids lives. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

One student would get really defensive if I asked him to solve a problem. Highlighting someone's weakness, as uncomfortable as it may be, is essential in order to teach them. I can't teach someone something if they think they know everything. The desire to actually learn something interesting and useful is no longer there. So as a teacher, you are an impediment to their success.

I admire your tenacity, but it sounds like you're burnt out due to the lack of reward from your job. And I don't blame you. What to do about it, is a completely different issue. Only you know what is best.

[Whistler]

Sounds like you really do need a change. Something related to teaching so your skills aren't wasted? Maybe university teacher? Maybe you just need a low skill job to give yourself a break and try and figure what career path to take (or remain on). I was in conservation and hurt my back in the field. My health makes it impossible to return to that particular type of work, but something related may motivate me in time.

I'm driving buses at the moment and figuring out what to do next.

They say a change is as good as a holiday.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Patrick,

 I imagine you’ve thought of this already, but with 10 years teaching service I’m thinking you are probably eligible for long service leave. Is that something you could take just to have a bit of a break and reassess things?

It would give you the time and space to step back, re-evaluate and figure out how to go forward. I know some people eventually get burnt out being teachers and find employment elsewhere as something like a trainer within an organisation where teaching skills are valued. You sometimes see that in the job description and selection criteria in job ads, something along the lines of “teaching qualifications highly valued”.

You may find yourself drawn to a different non-teaching occupation/career all together, or, after a break, decide you actually do want to go back to teaching. Even a change of school might make a difference. I used to work as an education assistant and worked at many schools, and I know the culture of schools vary from one to another. I found the principal can make a very big difference.

If you actually feel you are getting particularly depressed and turning increasingly to alcohol, talking with a psychologist might help to process things. I think alcohol is one of the things people can turn to when they don’t know how to move forward, feel trapped and can’t alleviate the painful feelings. With a mental health care plan from a GP you can see a psych with a Medicare rebate for 10 sessions.

It sounds like your spirits are down at the moment, but it’s ok to reassess your career, life trajectory etc. Having some kind of break when you are next able to might be a way to really look at what you love doing and what might be rewarding for you in the future. All the best.

[mmMekitty]

Hi patrickj

From someone who was a school student, a long time ago, I had a very mixed bag of teachers. Amongst them there were a few I liked & learned a lot from. What I learned wasn't in the curriculum. My music teacher taught us to challenge ourselves, to take risks & to be brave. I didn't understand at the time, but loved how she challenged the headmaster & chose songs which he thought were beyond us to sing. We showed him!

I had an art teacher who appreciated our efforts. I didn't get much of that at home.

My head was not in a good space then, so I didn't appreciate the efforts teachers made to order to teach us anything.

Then again, I had teachers who could not relate to kids at all.

I remember how many kids held teachers in contempt, as they did all adults. I mean, it's not that you are a teacher - it's that you are an adult; not someone in their world, not a peer.

That's how it seemed to be to me when I was young.

Everyone enjoys feeling appreciated, wanted, needed & respected. From what you say, you are not feeling any of that from work. I'm not surprised you feel unmotivated, at least about the work.

As for other areas in your life, I'm unsure what you feel.

I'm not a fan of drinking. I wonder how drinking is supposed to provide a lift in how you feel about yourself. I think that's something alcohol does not do. I know at moderate levels it causes people to feel good, but only for a while, then the effect wears off, & what to do then? You will still be where you were before you started drinking.

About having a house - fewer people are able to do that these days. It's so tough out there, given those interest rates, price rises in so many areas & home prices being raised so much, more & more people are being priced out of the market.

Rents are now so high, too, so I'm not surprised you & many others still want to have the house. I would love it too, but know I am very much out of the market.

I guess, you are realising the difference between what we imagined was possible & what reality is for us now.

I'm thinking about my own situation, what my priorities in life are & come to ask myself what the important things I want in my life are, into my old age. I'm almost twice your age. It won't be long before I'm an old age pensioner.

I'm not sure what else to add. I wish you well.

mmMekitty

[qsrgyjil]

hi. im not a teacher or anything, but i feel you. everything is too hard. i know how it is youve had good life, everything has been fine - but why are you hurting so much. well, im trying to find that as well. im sorry, i cannot help you, but as a person who feels how you do, i am there for you. 

being. a teacher sounds hard. kids will just make throwaway comments that hurt, and so will. adults. sadly, this is just humanity. everyone is going to say mean and hurtful things, but you know what - who cares? let them think that you dont have to. people hurt and the only way to get out of it is by not letting them hurt you. maybe try a new job? do something youve never done before?

i dont know, but if you do read this - i dont think you will - please think about what i wrote next time. good bye, and i know your situation and how you feel.

[Patrickj]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. 

Your insights and advice have been incredibly helpful. 

I have decided to leave teaching and try something new - this excites me. 

I know this is the right decision for me. 

Thank you again, all.

[Eagle Ray]

That’s awesome Patrick! It takes courage to try something new. The fact you feel excited about it is a great sign. I think it can help to feel into something and if it feels right it usually is. If it feels draining and gets you down (perhaps continuing teaching felt like this) then it probably isn’t right. So following what gives you energy and inspires you is a great way to go.

[mmMekitty]

Hi patrickj

All the best for you & your new 'something new'.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[David35]

I sincerely wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do.