Bipolar and looking for guidance

Nervouscss · ‎03-04-2018

Hi, I’m new here and I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar for about 6 months now although I was incorrectly diagnosed with major despressive disorder for the last 5 years. I also suffer from really bad social anxiety. I’m a 19 year old female and I struggle every day with bipolar even though I’m on 3 different types of medication to help get it under control. I can’t hold a job due to my mania being too intense and my depression being too bad so money is a serious problem for me. I was on Centrelink for study but I couldn’t continue studying because my brain is so dead I can’t stay focused on anything and it’s really hard for me to process information. The only time I leave my house is for doctor appointments and to see my psychologist. The only financial support I have is my mum and my boyfriend which they insist is fine but it makes me feel so helpless. I’ve got very few friends since finishing school and none of them know about my mental state. I feel like I need to get a job or study like everyone else my age (which my extended family members have rudely pointed out) but with my unstable moods and extreme anxiety about leaving my house, this feels practically impossible. I feel trapped inside my head all day every day. I wish I could see my psychologist more often but with my money issues, I can only see her once a month if I’m lucky because of my mental health plan. I’ve already tried going to my local mental health unit but the only thing the “psychiatrist” told me was to lose weight (I’m slightly overweight due to being on so much medication) and make more friends. I’m not confident in the public mental health unit anymore since hearing that. I was made to feel like this is all my fault and maybe I should just get over it which is physically impossible. I try to act as okay as I can around my mum as she’s already stressed enough about her work and the rest of my brothers. I have 0 confidence and self esteem even though I’m trying to improve my body positivity through exercising every day but losing weight isn’t going to help what’s going on in my head and I fear I’ve also developed an addiction for exercise and I’m very conscious about what I eat and how many calories I consume in a day. I’m really struggling with myself mentally and physically and I feel my life lacks so much substance but I’m so mentally tired all the time and it’s just so hard to try and stay positive. I’m constantly in a dull state and I really don’t know who to turn to anymore.

PamelaR · ‎03-04-2018

Hello Nervouscss

From what you've said, things are very difficult for you. But good on you for finding your way to the Beyond Blue (BB) forums. Fantastic. The people who respond to posts are friendly, supportive, caring and respect privacy.

Having bipolar sounds extremely draining and emotionally traumatic. Especially when you 'try to be normal around' your family members and other people. My heart goes out to you Nervouscss. How difficult is that - I can't even begin to imagine what you are experiencing. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression - that's enough for me. However, since being on BB forums I've been reading posts from those people with bipolar - and life can be so hard. The ups and downs can create such confusion.

It's not unusual that you feel tired and drained all the time. All the different emotions going on inside will definitely affect your physical wellbeing.

If you don't work well with your psychiatrist, then it might be a good idea to visit your GP to discuss alternatives. While not confident in the Public Mental Health Unit, they are there to help you and you can discuss your concerns with your GP.

Hope the above is of some assistance.

Kind regards

PamelaR

Nervouscss · ‎04-04-2018

Thank you for replying, it means a lot to me. I’m glad I’ve found a community who not only listens to my problems but also offers advice too. It gives me hope and it makes me realise I’m not alone with my struggles.

I think I’m going to talk to my doctor and find a way that I can see someone at least once a week for my bipolar because I honestly think I need it plus I feel I can benefit from it greatly. I might try the public mental health system again with hopes they can help me further.

Maybe actively seeking help on a weekly basis will also give me confidence to leave my house more regularly.

I really want to tackle the core of my problems head on because I feel I’ve already lost so much time from my teenage years due to being mentally ill and I’d really like to be able to spent my 20’s living life to the fullest without bipolar and anxiety running my life.