Bipolar 2 - Recent diagnosis

[Raffijane]

Hi all

I have recently had a diagnosis of with Bipolar 2. It is as if everything in my life to date makes complete and perfect sense.

I grew up in an extremely abusive household. That aside my memories of certain situations and things I have done are now making sense.

I have been on and off anti-depressants for a very long time. They always worked fast and stop working after a few years. I have seen counselors and psychologists and finally gave up and went to see a psychiatrist. After a thorough and detailed history she said I think 'you have bipolar 2'.

Her explanations and discussion explained me exactly. More depressed than happy. Go for days feeling pretty crappy functioning and feeling so low and then out of nowhere I am happy. When I am happy I am stupid happy-over confident, can do anything, joking, singing, multi task off the charts, mind racing, chatty, obsessed with sexual thoughts but risky sex, the best way to explain it is that I feel 'high and floaty'. As suddenly as it comes it goes and I'm back to mopey. sad and thinking that everyone hates me. This has gone on forever. And got worse as I have gotten older. So now I am taking new medication at night to assist in a stabilizing my mood and and anti-depressent for anxiety/depression during the day. I feel relieved and even more so the nutcase. I have always felt alone and on the outside of what others call 'life' - friends, parties, travel cars, excitement etc. I am intolerant of superficial things and I can go from pretty okay to angry, angry in a flash. I hate anything that I perceive as unfair. I feel like an emo fairy. I feel like I have no tribe. I hate it and everyday it feels like I have to rebuild myself and put myself back together again. How do I make and keep friends? How do I trust after a childhood of severe abandonment?

Any comments or suggestions or stories or what ever helpful.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Everything does make sense once correctly diagnosed. I have bipolar2 and dysthymia (low mood constant depression from a traumatic childhood event)

I'd like to know more about what abuse you suffered as a child if you dont mind mentioning, in particular any emotional abuse like I had and my siblings.

Bp2 has a poor record of suicide, up to 20%. My brother and uncle went that way, me and my sister attempted. My sis, daughter and her daughter all have bp2.

The symptoms you mention, sudden anger, highs and being a member of the moral police all fit in. Intolerance for small talk, being highly productive and drained mentally is all part of the "swing" we experience. People are hard to tolerate, few have empathy for us. We feel we are being attacked, such is our sensitivity.

I'd like to say though it isnt all bad news being bp2. In many mental illness cases positives like being adventurist, creativity, ideas people and full of kindness is some of the extremes we can inherit. This, if embraced along with your own character, can be seen by you as more unique than you currently believe. Yes the downs are tough to get through and the highs are over the top so all the more important to get your meds under control to reduce the extremes of that "swing". If you accept some of that swing will always be present then its better than seeking elimination you'll never find. Hence meds have their limits.

It is far better to adapt your life and lifestyle to the illness than the reverse. Here are a few of my threads that will display how to do this. Just google them and read the first post of each.

Beyondblue topic want to be a hermit?

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival (plus part 2)

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue topic the frog and the scorpion

Beyondblue topic your comfort zone

Beyondblue topic accept your mental illness

Beyondblue topic the definition of abuse

Beyondblue topic anger- can you own it?

Beyondblue topic abusive parents and their effect on us, their children

Beyondblue topic is acceptance our biggest challenge?

There are hundreds more, just use search.

I hope that helps. Reply by reposting here or in those threads. I'd like to talk more.

TonyWK

[Jen27]

I just read ur post and I am overwhelmed because I could have written it myself. I am not joking you just described me perfectly. I was diagnosed with depression15 years ago and nothing seems to work. Just recently I went to a psychiatrist and she said she firmly believes that I've been misdiagnosed all these years and I have bipolar2. It is strange to read that I'm not the only emofairy out there.

[white knight]

Hi Jen

That's the beauty of this forum, to connect on the same plane so we dont feel so alone.

I'm glad you found this thread

TonyWK

[Jen27]

I have felt as Raffijane mentioned "without a tribe" on the fringe unable to relate to others. Possibly BB is a space to find other tribe members and realise we are not so strange and alone.

[Airies]

Hi Raffijane,

lots of threads here and bipolar thread as well. Diagnosed Bp1 in 2016 and have had my highs and lows. You are not alone. A good psych, various medications, courses, hospital admissions have made it more manageable for me. It's day by day. Feel free to post here. Non judgemental and certainly helpful and understanding ,

regards