Anger and depression

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Something that has come up recently in conversations for me is anger. There are so many resources regarding managing or controlling anger, or about what to do when it is visited upon you by others, but what about the matter of simply possessing it, and what it does to us? I have no trouble controlling anger in its outward expression. For me, that is the problem. I've spent so much time repressing it, it's on automatic mute. And do you know what that does? It burrows in and turns on me. I'm finding it's a huge catalyst for my depression, as it just skips the venting phase almost entirely and goes straight to self-destruction. I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one here that happens to.

My little epiphany a day or two ago was this: I have a right to my anger. We all do. There are things in everyday life that make us angry. There are huge and abnormal circumstances that cause us rage. Whether it's justified or not, we feel what we feel, but it's like any sort of expression of that these days is some kind of massive taboo. Of course I'm not endorsing taking it out on your loved ones, or beating up the guy who stuffs up your change at the servo. But I've found that just talking about it, so many people will laugh it off, or try to redirect it, or tell you to calm down, or it will be okay, and all that sort of stuff. At what point did we lose the right to express anger in any way whatsoever?

This thread is for us to discuss our anger. Vent. Talk about what really grinds our gears, and about any way in which anger has impacted our lives and our depression. To share ways we know of letting out our anger without hurting anyone. I could certainly use some advice on getting it out, and some help with getting out of that automatic habit of turning it in on myself. Anything you have to share on the subject, this is the place for it.

[blondguy]

My sister mistreated when she was 4 ...in 1970. The care factor? ummmm....I am so over corporate Australia and the greed...the 'bottom' line ....the Gross Profit....OH&S.....Worksafe......Pointless meetings....I dont see the point anymore and have had too many phone calls from company directors wives saying their husband has passed away in his sleep........in his 40's....and early 50's.....It just not worth the perks anymore blue...I am highly motivated but over the greed.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

I completely understand that. Corporate greed is making my job pretty stressful, too. Constant cutbacks, less and less staff with less and less hours to do the same amount of work or more. They want us to do our jobs properly but threaten us with more cuts to hours if there's evidence in the budget that we're doing it right (like bad quality stock getting thrown out). So we have no-one to serve, no-one to get stock on the shelves, less range and these are the strategies to deal with competition? All we've got is miserable staff and nothing to offer customers. I'm over the greed, too. It's so short-sighted it actually undermines profits. Trained monkey could run things better.

[Paul]

Hey Blue's Clues,

Thanks for the recognition and feedback about the name/claim/give away concept. Nice to know I have expressed it in an easily digestible fashion.

The part I found difficult with it is exactly what you have mentioned. Sometimes we don't even know that it's anger we're dealing with until quite a time after the fact or even recognising anger for what it is.

Here's another tip that I use all the time.

Whenever I feel that twinge of an emotion that has started to bother me, or I feel a spiral coming on, or even if something doesn't feel right, my psych has taught me to "replay the tape"

By "replay the tape" I mean keep tracing back in my mind to when I first felt a shift then start playing the sequence of events and emotions in slow motion - the emotions will emerge and make sense and hopefully you'll be able to spot anger and then analyse from there.

This concept has helped me immensely as I had a tendency to unconsciously skip over a member of a set emotions then wonder what's going on.

I wonder if this might work for you. Also, just being conscious that you find it difficult to recognise anger sometimes will help with recognising anger.

The part where our mind skips over and emotion is a self protection thing. Replaying the recording in SLOW motion really helps to find that part we skipped and then name/claim/give away or even just sit with and allow us to have the emotion as you mention.

I hope this helps.

Paul

[blondguy]

I had to 'escape' lol from working as a relieving manager when Duran Duran were huge and we had no worksafe and no OH&S....We just used common sense.....which is not very common anymore lol. I had several long service relief blocks and I do miss the people contact that I had in retail but I dont miss the hours at all...

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Cheers Paul, I'm really liking your methodical, step-by-step approach. It's funny you should mention "replaying the tape". I did that so many times from so many angles, on this depressive episode (been struggling a lot with my mood for about three weeks), and I came up with a whole bunch of little contributing things. Though it wasn't until someone gave me the whole well-intended "you're fine" thing in response to a grumble I was having that I got mad at him and realised how angry I really was about the thing I was grumbling about. I wasn't fine at all, I didn't like being told I was, and lo and behold there was my reason. Replaying that tape again, I could see the influence of my anger throughout the whole thing, and could easily pick out so many situations that had played out in just the same way.

Now you've given the process a name, that makes it a bit easier again. It's definitely a technique I hope to refine a bit and use often. For starters, slow motion never occurred to me.

It's kind of reassuring to know I'm not the only one who has had trouble recognising my anger. I've come to that conclusion before, but somehow it managed to slip away from me last time, and I don't want that to happen again; hence turning it into a round table discussion to keep the focus on it long enough to really hammer it home. I'm normally really good with self-awareness, but it seems anger has been a bit of a blind spot for me.

Back to the subject of retail... I like the job in itself, just not how compressed it's getting and, as you say, the horrid hours. Back when I started, over a decade ago, OH&S wasn't such a strict thing. We did some silly things, but calculated risks, and we were fine. Still safer than working at the pace we do and with the stress levels we have now. Sadly, the union gives important ground on such things in every new agreement. This is not a good time for employees in Australia.

[blondguy]

Hey Blue, I have to be careful as when someone responds to 'Paul' I think its me lol....and it isnt...The other Paul is here....sorry.

Hi Paul and your amazing beautiful kitty....Your profile pic is made in heaven....I Love it!

Nite Paul & Blue xx

Paul

[Paul]

Nite Paul.

PS That's Maggie, Miss Maggie, Maggie Meerkat or Lady maggie, all depending on her mood. You know cats!

[blondguy]

Dear Paul

Thanks Paul..I am actually a big fan of your posts and I always read and appreciate what you have to say. You have an innate gift of being really super kind to everyone combined with heartfelt intellect to boot!

If you can give Lady Maggie a cuddle for me that would be really nice.

It sounds silly but thankyou for saying goodnight to me....:-)

Paul

[Paul]

Thanks for your kind and encouraging thoughts Paul. I appreciate it.

Sleep tight.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Maggie Meercat seems appropriate for that picture. Our little beasties have so much personality, don't they? One of my birds is madly flying around the house making an excited racket at the moment. 🙂

Hope you guys slept well. Day off for me, today, so I've had a bit of rest.