An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

[Ponder]

SHEDDING THE LABELS AND DELUSION: 

School & employment are long gone for me and not something I ever really fitted into. In fact, every aspect of society and all it's competitive ideals have only ever disabled & rejected my family & I.  [systemic]  A prison within in a prison. That said, I give no acknowledgment to the charges or authority yet find myself bound by the many who give tribute to said controls.  It is on this level that much exploitation & suffering feeds back into that convey belt system driven by an economic standard that saps the soul.

Be thankful?  Know they place?  Yet more controls?  Or just one's reality that can never be fathomed by those who've never navagatid your depth of pain.  Yes, definitely the latter.  So it is, that advice rarely leads one to water unless discovered for self.  Lest all else just revert to instructions, to repeaters, the above atriuters, leading to a dependency on behaviour modification algorithms based on the previously mentioned economic standard; that saps the soul.

From point A to point B living in a complex system that designs complex labels for simple beings who see such things. Yet I am not my labels despite being treated as a disease.  Vulnerable; YES. 

LIVING WITH VULNERABILITY: 

Isolation & exploitation constantly feeling and attracting negative states and traumatic incidents; involving self and others.  Becoming a soft target on all levels, all phases and within all aspects of said prison/existence/living.

Automated responses from multiple mental health diagnosis/s & or prescription/s less of an issue when contrasted to societal conditioning driven by fear based ideology with said soul sapping economic narratives that dictate the tellings, repeaters and advisers. 

Once the cosmetic gloss losses it's appeal, you grow older, become less valuable, less desirable.  You become more of a target for those who see all of the above, disgruntled in their failings to achieve what the behavioural mods instruct. 

[therising]

Hi Ponder

Your post is incredibly powerful. The school of hard knocks shapes a true philosopher, an observer of human nature and of life. It can be an incredibly tough school to graduate through, that's for sure

I'm a 52yo gal who believes society is poor in the way it does not value those with such incredible traits, traits labeled as 'autistic'. It is an enormous spectrum (the autism spectrum) with so many natural abilities held within it. The ability to hear the greatest of detail within sound and to feel when sounds is too much, while the rest of us remain desensitised to such a noisy world that often deprives us of peace, is an ability that is seen as a fault. The ability to feel words makes a great poet, yet it can lead them to suffer through feeling the brutal degrading words of others. The ability to be emotionally detached is what makes a good analyst but if one is not deemed an analyst, even if they were naturally born this way, they are said to have a fault. If one feels boredom so intensely or is so deeply in love with their own brilliant imagination they are deemed to have a problem, while society refuses to make social systems more exciting and imaginative (the Australian education system included). It is a long list of abilities, the list entitled 'Autistic traits'. And while society does not bend and flex to meet with the value of those traits and with the incredibly natural benefits of such traits, it will label and degrade those who hold them.

I believe, in a lot of cases, society does not know what it's observing. If I said 'There is a group of people. Within this group one holds the ability to hear what many can't hear in great detail (aka super natural clear hearing), another holds the power of a visionary who is able to see what others can't see, based on the power of their own mind (aka super natural clear seeing), another holds the power to sense what others can't sense, as they feel what they sense through their body (aka super natural clear sensing) and another holds the power to analyse and process the best course of action within a matter of seconds (aka super natural clear knowing). One may say 'This sounds like a new X-men movie'. Truth is...it sounds more like a group of super natural friends on the autism spectrum.

[Ponder]

Hey there ‘therising’ 

Thanks for the much needed boost.  I thought I would wait until I had appropriate time before replying to such an insightful reply.  To be honest, I thought I had removed the label autistic before hitting submit post. I noted before submitting I never used the word once in my delivery other than the title.  Me being butter fingers went DOH! After I saw that label appear in my title.  I meant to remove it because ASD is not so easily pin pointed despite TV shows like THE GOOD DOCTOR. As you acknowledged, like most other labels on the DSM, ASD and its traits can vary quite a bit.   

Despite me forgetting to remove my label of ASD, your response about autism was very elegant, kind, unassuming and full of understanding. I thank you for that empowering insight.  Such compassion is very hard to find when dealing with people bound by so much bureaucracy that is constantly changing every so many years.

BUT like WOW … The essence of what you just said really nailed it for me and my family in all you just said.  I’m definitely deemed a complex case in terms of additional labels and their morbidity for all of which are listed in the forum categories with those being psychiatrically approved.  The need for assessing and reassessing as to proving and reproving is a form of dysfunction in itself that you also kind of covered in a way.  We seem to have a system that is finely tuned where those no longer, or never were, economically viable are categorized one way of the other.

Vulnerability was more my theme as of late I have been presenting as a soft target when out and about when without supports. I think more on that later as running out of characters.   

Thank you for all that you just said.  Very warmly received.  It helps very much.

[therising]

Hi Ponder

I'm so glad you were able to relate to how unique each person is. I can recall reading of a theory not too long ago how, with certain heightened abilities, those labelled as being on the spectrum are actually the next phase of human evolution. Such an extraordinary idea fascinated me and I began to wonder and research more about the possibility. What if it was true. The more I researched the more I came to see things from a whole different perspective. If this theory is true, I began to wonder what the so called 'neurotypical' people were doing to help the so called 'neurodivergant' people evolve to meet with the best of their abilities. I realised only a small handful of people were helping to bring out their best, the rest were somewhat oppressive, depressing, degrading and stress inducing to various degrees. No wonder there is such a high rate of depression and anxiety amongst those on the spectrum.

Such a theory amuses me, specifically because it tends to lean toward neurotypical people being unevolved in a number of ways. And here they are, finding faults, flaws and dysfunction in those who are more evolved than them in so many ways. When I think about a guy I used to work for who was on the extreme end of the spectrum, I remember him fondly. To me, he resembled a sage. He would sit cross legged, humming and rocking when the noise got too much for him. I ask whether this is really a flaw when folk actually pay a guru to teach them how to chant and rock, which is actually an accepted meditation technique for self soothing. The guy I knew was a natural at it, without a single lesson. He, himself, had something to teach others.

Everyone has something to teach 🙂

[sbella02]

Beautiful words, Ponder. If you're not already a writer of some kind, you should definitely consider getting into it. You have quite the ability to convey such deep emotion through your words. 

You raise some incredibly powerful and thought-provoking points about society and the way it is structured. You write so well about systemic rejection in particular, and how it slowly chips away at a person over the course of their life. Rejection in general can make us vulnerable. A target. It impairs our confidence until we begin to internalise someone else's small-minded view of ourselves and assume it as our own. 

"Automated responses" also really resonates with me. I love that phrase. It really conveys the monotony of being subliminally programmed by a society with selective tolerance for the beauty of difference and diversity. As does your line about our conveyor belt system that's driven by a soul-sapping economy. 

Please feel free to share or chat some more. Your writing is exceptional. 

SB

[Ponder]

Hi therising,

I consider such a proposal more a case spawn from tainted foods, treated water and an abundance in chemical pollutants, I have personally come up with my own take. 

I do sense that whilst the new ways of producing food and treatment of water + chemical exposure are factors; I also feel that ‘Intergenerational trauma’ combined with intolerance fostered amidst a centralized consumer society hell bent on complex living, is giving rise to neurodivergence.   

My immediate family one example I can share spanning from myself, daughter to grandson. Going back in the other direction from my mother to grandmother being yet part of our Intergenerational trauma.  I am the 1st of my clan to be born in Australia.  I have a strong Jewish heritage which like ‘many other’ human demographics across the planet; have suffered terribly. NOTE* I only identify as human and believe we are all prone to this aspect of Intergenerational trauma.  More so in this day and age with info tech being as that be.       

Before today’s centralized welfare reforms, back when I could cart hay or use a broom without the need for a certificate, I was highly valued and appreciated despite my learning difficulties. People back then were less bound were linking others up happened on site as opposed to today’s debilitating perquisites.  The latter more about that process over time triggering both systemic & genetically embedded predispositions.

Back when my traits were naturally supported in a simpler time without the need for paid supports/friends, there was no need for me to be ‘certified’ – My traits did indeed evolve but not for the better.  I cry to think of how my daughter also grew into this mold and moreover how my grandson was born much more affected than us all.  YET – the support of which you so rightly highlight is something we do for ourselves under one roof in current times.  Whilst some to this purely for economic reasons, we surely do it because we are the only ones that understand such an evolution.  My wife who is neurotypical also has evolved with us and to be fair; what is normal?  I admit though my wife is our anchor.: D  30+ years now – more stable than what my medical notes' give me and my family credit for.

All on this planet are in this boat together which is why I am very careful not to identify with my labels. 

I was ROFL at the end of your reply: D  TY.

[Ponder]

Hi sbella02,

Your encouragement is very much appreciated. I do struggle with being concise but think the character limit will help me learn.

Many years ago I used to more like scream about society but have slowly got a much better grip over time with the help of psychotherapy which I have come to enjoy.  Being heard is good for me.  At times it can be hard finding the right match/connection but I am polite about it as I move from one person to the next as sometimes happens due to life cycles and all that. 

I like writing and used to do it for quite a while but then for whatever reason I stopped.  More to do with finding the right space in both others and myself.

What you say about rejection and vulnerability makes a lot of sense.  @therising also made a good point re depression which kind of works into what you’re also saying about internalizing.  Sometimes I need to write about certain things in order to let those things go and not grab onto those negative feeling in others when I am out and about.  I get it and like hearing you guys also acknowledge such things. Thank you.  It helps very much.  

My last response about generational trauma kind of took it out of me – BUT – best I can say your take on "Automated responses" and your following text is GOLD.

I never did well with backslapping congregations during the cultish parts of my upbringing but I do miss the importance of genuine healthy validation.  Rejection can make that hard to receive. Like being happy.

I will try to write again tomorrow morning.  I did well when I used to write like so once a morning or replying to each person in turn who took the time to reach out.  I do struggle with forum format and length but so far seem to be doing alright. 

I am in turn smitten by the quality of how you guys write but more so how genuine many members here be.  It’s just taken me a while to see that is all.

One of my supports is about to turn up.  Perhaps I can write about that side of things another time.  I do struggle on this new scheme many of us find ourselves on; yet I can be thankful for it as well.  : D

I try to be as mindful of others as I can, but sometimes is hard when dealing with hard core emotions.

[therising]

Hi Ponder

These are fascinating times, in which we live. With the ability to access so much information through the internet, it is a philosopher's paradise in a way. We can endlessly wonder about theories that come to mind, with the freedom to research them. I believe inter generational trauma is definitely more than a theory in the ways it shapes or reshapes human nature. Mentally, to observe sufferance after sufferance, discrimination and cruelty to varying degrees throughout generations, may strongly determine a person's path, one way or another. It may lead them to live a life through inherited stress, anxiety, fear, hatred and/or depression or lead them to develop unique mental skills in resilience and coping mechanisms. Biology also plays a part in inherited trauma. While aspects of epigeneitcs involves research into our ability to influence our genetic behaviour (with some researches posing we hold the potential to switch certain genes on and off), this incredible field of study also explores the biological impact of inherited trauma. Third, beyond both mental and physical factors, there is the soulful or spiritual impact of such trauma. It is a soulful experience to so deeply feel the sufferance of all who came before us, our own sufferance and the sufferance in those who come after us. it is a collective sufferance where one feels for the whole. A holistic form of sufferance in many ways. So much horror and sufferance throughout Jewish history. While it is heartbreaking, such resilience commands respect.

One of the most fascinating books I've read would have to be 'Becoming Supernatural' by Joe Dispenza. It's a unique 'mind/body/spirit book' with a serious difference. He covers these 3 aspects in the form of neuroplasticity/epigenetics/quantum physics. It points to our abilty to evolve as naturally flexible creatures, while exploring what can get in the way of such a super natural ability.

[Ponder]

Hi therising,

Much of the web in which information today flows is as full of deception as it is hope. I am mindful not to dismiss your own context and like the direction your taking but my own evolution has made me very cautious when reflecting on freedom and choice amidst fraudulent corporations & governing bodies. I sense a huge imbalance in terms of natural progression but adhere to the gist of what your saying.   

I have contemplated much on the info tech age and the great minds that have paved its way.  Einstein (reportedly ‘appearing’ to be on the spectrum himself) who help to create the first weapon of mass destruction questioned our pace of advancement.  His great concern about the potential for science and technology to be misused and its catastrophic impact for the future of humanity is something of a dilemma I now see in a world of bots being influenced and constructed via the world wide web.  This being a flag that raises on the topic of shaping and reshaping of human nature.  

I’m just making a case for the pros and cons regarding today’s version of human evolution. My statement in above response “ NOTE* I only identify as human and believe we are all prone to this aspect of Intergenerational trauma.  More so in this day and age with info tech being as that be.” Was more about how today’s algorithm sets us up as victims, creates group minds that do more to divide than resolve differences. Freedom and choice in this light can be more binding and limiting creating more a mold for those few looking to incite emotional control often based on the same studies/methodologies you have just mentioned.   

I hope we can continue to discuss as I tend towards your aspect with high respect… to our personal power often undiscovered and or continually buried. I like how Eckhart Tolle speaks on the worlds residual pain body.   Eckhart has a way of feeling those three dynamics you mention from the book   'Becoming Supernatural' by Joe Dispenza. 

I finish this text limit with something I hope you like:

Movie ‘POWDER’ 1995

Donald Ripley: “It’s become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity.”

Powder: “Albert Einstein.”

Donald Ripley: “I look at you, and I think that someday our humanity might actually surpass our technology.”

Transhumanism comes to mind... 

[Ponder]

… perhaps not. I struggle with written and spoken Language very much. TL;DR [too long didn’t read] being the pinnacle of an abbreviated society. From FB to twitter being much the same thing and why I fathom there is more suffering and pretentious interactions Vs natural progression and positive outcomes. I see no transcendence in any of that although very much science related compared days gone by where it was OK for slow data transfer rates with limits on capacity where fragmentation was simply dealt with by doing our own cleaning. These days we want it all with other services promising to take over the responsibility; for a price of course.

I listened to a LONDON REAL interview with DR JOE DISPENZA - BECOMING SUPERNATURAL

I also found a 10+ hour audio book on Youtube re the above. I only ever glean and very careful of the fallibly that comes with marketed methodologies for good reason. Like with my latest attempt to deal with my eating and its impact on me, knowledge whilst a golden nugget is less key to me than knowing one’s intention. The motivational Tony Robins tone I detect in the selling reminds me of my cultish charismatic days as a child during the ‘70s. I ended up with a PHD re BS detectors. I think a good portion of most 10+ hour books on likewise subjects could be cut back to 5 hours once you cut out the miraculous testimonies and various other hook, line & sinkers.

Once I get all that out of the way – then a give it another listen, then another & then one more with the possibility of hearing it all again in another version of the same thing with yet more publications by different authors all evolving their own take – BUT – most text is undermined by the marketing where intention is more about individual gain Vs the whole which for me is more evident in a society that is cheering outside a capital goal; housing criminals on death row. I see FB and likewise social media at the same thing.

My ‘story’ is less the issue when it comes to such realizations as is the conflicts I see here and now. I’m open to the spiritual approach but again very careful of how it is sold. Is no different to the fallibilities of religion and secularism. Many truths wrapped in candy that feeds cancer as much as it offers a keys to being bigger and better; also not for me.

I wonder if my take can be understood?