Am I depressed or is something else going on?

[sociallyawks]

Hi Folks,

This past year or so I feel like I have been struggling.

When I say struggling what I mean is that I often feel like I have no energy or drive. By the time the weekend comes I don't want to see anyone or do anything and would rather have quiet time. I find being around people draining and in my job of 7 years, I'm in a senior role and manage about 25 people so when I get home from work I want to do nothing. If I end up having a busy weekend I feel like I need to balance out the rest of the week to catch up and the next weekend do nothing. I don't like the thought of a night out during the week because then it feels like theres no downtime before the next day.

When it comes to work I wake up and dread the thought of it and count down till 5:30 to get out of there. I've been getting the early rain because I want to get a seat but that means i'm at work at 7:20am. Lately about 3-4 people have asked if I am ok because they had noticed I seemed different. I hadn't really noticed until they said something. i do feel lately thought when people ask how I am I dont have anything positive to say - I just feel like saying Im "ok"

More lately I find I cant be bothered cooking because I dont have the energy but that often means the wrong food choices too. I used to love cooking but its just too much hassle now. I've always struggled with weight, its never stable and I feel exhausted from 2 years of being healthy and now the weight is coming back. Physically I feel about 20 years older than I am which cant be great.

I avoid social situations unless I am really familiar with the person/s. But to the point where recently I bailed on going to a friends birthday because I didnt know anyone. Years ago i would have gone and enjoyed meeting people but now Id rather not. I am positive I have a form of social anxiety too. I believe I am a probably very much on the introverted end.

Just dont know what to do - sick of feeling blah about everything, and want to enjoy life a bit more.

[sociallyawks]

So I have an appointment for the docs tomorrow. Feeling nervous and really not comfortable with it but I think i need to do something. Hopefully just doing something helps too.

I've never really had problems going to the doc but for this I honestly feel a bit stupid about it. Not sure if its that I don't feel its legitimate (I know it is but its just not the same as going in with a cough or visibile injury), or maybe its feeling vulnerable to explain what I'm feeling to a random stranger, or that I have lots of good in my life there should be no reason for me to be depressed.

Never thought just going to the docs would feel like such a mental barrier

Haven't broached the topic with my partner, not sure how that one will go .

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

One thing at a time, it is easier that way.

I think many will relate to how you feel going to the doctor. I would have said all those things. What happened for me is I went in there and said, "I think I have depression or something" and he pulled out a multi choice thing that I filled in and he did some scoring on and it showed up enough of what was going on. It looked a lot like this one https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10 And then we talked about what next.

I think what you are feeling is as real as any other illness, I think it is the body is out of balance when you have a cold or depression and anxiety.

With your partner, I think it is hard not to notice something is wrong for the person you love and to be a little worried. Have you two talked about anything like this before? Personally I think there is more strength in facing up to the challenges in life and I know both of you have some experience in doing just that.

There are some resources to get you started on the conversation hidden away on this site and remember you have your own personal cheer squad in these forums.

Rob.

[sociallyawks]

I went to the docs this morning and had a chat about where my head is at.

First off he tells me I have to go back again for a 2nd visit before I can even be put on a mental health plan. As I'm going away he's also said to see how things are when I get back. So cant really do anything for another 6 weeks which I am not sure how I feel that. I guess I was kinda hoping there would be something the could have helped me until I can get in with a psychologist when I get back

He seems to think it not depression, just "low mood" so not sure really what that means. He didn't ask me any multiple choice type questions.

[Gruffudd]

That does sound a bit disappointing, I'm sorry, I guess not all doctors are the same. Did you give the k10 checklist (up the top under 'the facts') a go? It's nice to know for yourself roughly where you are at I find, particularly if others are not getting it or giving mixed messages.

So depression or low mood, I figure you need to up the spoiling and self care, get the sleep, move a little more, all those things. Sounds corny but you know you are worth the effort, and if you can't see that just now there are people around you that can.

Rob.

[sociallyawks]

I did the K10 just now scored a high 35.

[Gruffudd]

35 suggests more then a low mood but not being a Doctor all I can offer is a bit of sympathy and company from someone who has been through depression and then gotten better, remember the Support Service: 1300 22 4636 or chat online: https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx - they are worth a go when you need them. I think talking helps.

You were pushing yourself a bit there to avoid the crowds and because you are dedicated, has that eased up at all? My manager told me to reduce the travel and hours on Friday after looking at the timesheet. I guess she has a point, I can feel it wearing me down and when I think about it, if I implode again I wont be much use so I had better do as I'm told.

I am doing other stuff though, the lunchtime walk, budgeting for buying a little junk on ebay, and following up on some of the project work that I get more out of then the daily stuff.

I'll be thinking about you.

Rob.

[sociallyawks]

So Ive been away on holidays had a great time, do feel much less stressed out, however I've come back, gone to the docs and now I have high blood pressure, my weight is the heaviest i've ever beend and I'm worried that going back to work, everything will just become too much again