Am I depressed or is something else going on?

[sociallyawks]

Hi Folks,

This past year or so I feel like I have been struggling.

When I say struggling what I mean is that I often feel like I have no energy or drive. By the time the weekend comes I don't want to see anyone or do anything and would rather have quiet time. I find being around people draining and in my job of 7 years, I'm in a senior role and manage about 25 people so when I get home from work I want to do nothing. If I end up having a busy weekend I feel like I need to balance out the rest of the week to catch up and the next weekend do nothing. I don't like the thought of a night out during the week because then it feels like theres no downtime before the next day.

When it comes to work I wake up and dread the thought of it and count down till 5:30 to get out of there. I've been getting the early rain because I want to get a seat but that means i'm at work at 7:20am. Lately about 3-4 people have asked if I am ok because they had noticed I seemed different. I hadn't really noticed until they said something. i do feel lately thought when people ask how I am I dont have anything positive to say - I just feel like saying Im "ok"

More lately I find I cant be bothered cooking because I dont have the energy but that often means the wrong food choices too. I used to love cooking but its just too much hassle now. I've always struggled with weight, its never stable and I feel exhausted from 2 years of being healthy and now the weight is coming back. Physically I feel about 20 years older than I am which cant be great.

I avoid social situations unless I am really familiar with the person/s. But to the point where recently I bailed on going to a friends birthday because I didnt know anyone. Years ago i would have gone and enjoyed meeting people but now Id rather not. I am positive I have a form of social anxiety too. I believe I am a probably very much on the introverted end.

Just dont know what to do - sick of feeling blah about everything, and want to enjoy life a bit more.

[White_Rose]

Dear Sociallyawks

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. I have to say it's a fairly common story and sounds like both anxiety and depression. On the BB home page you will find some information about both of these. I suggest you read this and compare your own symptoms.

Depression is an insidious illness. It creeps into the lives of unsuspecting people who can struggle for some time before getting help. If you are depressed the sooner you have a chat to your GP the better. On the information page there are links to printed information. Some you can download and other s you can send for. The more you know about the enemy the better equipped you are to get well.

I know how awful the feeling is when you are tired and don't want to get out of bed to go to work. One of the first casualties is diet. Eating the wrong stuff is one part, eating very little is the other. At one point, when I first had depression, I made myself eat a cheese sandwich for lunch. Couldn't be bothered with breakfast and was too tired to make an evening meal. I had a wonderful neighbour whose house I passed on the way to my home. We started to talk for a few minutes a day and she often gave me part of a meal (dessert, pie etc.) after quizzing me about what I was going to eat that night. I did eat it but could not raise the energy to cook for myself. The understanding was as valuable to me as the food she gave me.

I take it you live alone? So do I. This has great benefits I find, but when the black dog comes calling we all need help. You have taken the first step writing in here. Now take the next step and visit your GP for a proper diagnosis. Sometimes these things are due to a physical illness which is more easily treated than depression.

But if it is depression then you know what you are fighting and can get the help you need.There are a number of options depending on the severity of your depression. I think there is little point in me talking about them at the moment. Get the doctor's verdict first.

Exercise is good for us in all situations but especially when depressed. It's also one the last things you want to do. So long as you get out into the fresh air and actually move your body around for about 20 minutes, you are doing well. So walk, join a Tai Chi group in the park, swim, jog, walk the dog, all are valuable. Anything that gets you moving.

Please continue to write in here and tell us how you are going.

Mary

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

You mentioned a whole lot of things that when they happen in my life tell me I need to start taking more care of myself. One thing I remember my grandmother saying is, mind the little things. I get a sense that some of those little things for you might be what you cook and eat, the routine around work, and managing the social stuff so that it doesn't become overwhelming.

What to do? I start by making time for small things that I do enjoy, like drawing or watching the football (I like men in shorts). Next it is time to sort out diet and routine. If you are starting earlier could you negotiate to finish earlier? Managing 25 sounds like you would need to spend a little time recharging from giving out all the energy - I have 5 and that requires quite a bit. That is where the walking to work came in for me and finding moments in the day where I could reflect without others around. That is the key for my introverted self - If I am going to turn up and be friendly with people, particularly strangers, I need to also have the time for myself without people. I make time for the coffee shop and staring into the distance or watching the people passing by. I work too many hours so can afford extra time some days which just gets added onto lunch.

Diet, I had to make a break on that front and became a Vegetarian which stopped the rubbish food and got me back onto better things - that took persistence. I still indulge but put limits on it.

One list thing. I believe whinging to be a human right. This can be a good place to do some complaining and repackage things. I find it most therapeutic, almost as good as football.

Rob.

[sociallyawks]

Thanks Rob appreciate your time to write back.

You are probably right in taking care of myself and making time for the small things I enjoy, (p.s I like men in shorts too lol)

I'm going on a month holidays in two weeks which I very much need. That will be great to spend away with my partner recharging and not thinking about work. I think part of the problem is I've got myself in a routine that probably doesn't really work for me if i am honest. I mean if I went in an hour later (still on time) that extra hour sleep might help me too. but then I have to cope with the packed train.

I guess I really want to get to a happy place where, if I am asked how I am I say I'm great and believe it. At the moment I just don't believe that I am good. Even today my boss asked me if I was ok, she thought I had glassy eyes and asked if id been crying. I hadnt at all but I really wonder if people keep asking maybe I'm giving off a sad sack presence about myself.

[Gruffudd]

Well, a holiday might be just the thing. I wouldn't be surprised if you were glazing over a little with the current stuff, nice of people to notice even if we'd all rather they didn't.

Is there a way to drive in a bit or another pattern of transport that is nicer? Like last time I was in Sydney I had to go to Westmead everyday. It took longer but catching the deserted ferry to Parramatta and walking was so much better then the sardine can of a train. In Melbourne through quite a bit of the North, South, and East it is just as quick to ride a bike. A friend of mine in Adelaide drives most of the way in and just does the last bit on the train. Perhaps a new routine when you are back from holidays?

[sociallyawks]

Yeah I could drive a few days a week and park at the opera house. Would cost a little bit more but maybe just breakup the week a bit. Plus I got a new car in November which I only drive at weekends so maybe it would be good to drive a bit considering I enjoy the new car.

I guess what I am feeling is that more recently life just feels like everything is a struggle, or hard work, and changing anything just feels like more mental exhaustion because its like your always using energy to fight to eat healthy, exercise, do a great job, be a great partner etc etc

[Gruffudd]

Yeah, I hear you. Sometimes I need to see a doctor and go talk to someone when it is like that. I have never figured out if the talking or the drugs help, or if it is just slowing down and taking the time out to make my way to the appointments.

I got a new car in October, a Renault like I had as a teenager, I've been using it more lately because the work cars are under pressure and it definitely is a nice thing, gives a few more hours in my own little world - but then outback NSW doesn't exactly have a traffic problem.

[sociallyawks]

Struggling......This weekend I have moments of feeling ok. Had a nice dinner out Friday night for a friends birthday but after that I didn't want to see anyone or do anything. A busy restaurant with lots of loud shouting people zapped me. I've not got any motivation for the gym or even to go for a walk. I have no energy to cook so buying microwavable dinner which I know isn't great but I just don't have the motivation to cook.

I often feel like its either all or nothing.

I spent 2 years exercising, eating really well, getting fit, was seeing a trainer but in January this year gave me the run around so I left that gym. My dietician left the practice he was at with not even a phone call to me to tell me which I thought was ruse, so all my support is gone. Since the trainer issues in January I've now put on all the weight I lost. Now I feel even worse for that and now none of my clothes fit again and I hate myself for it. I'm worried that if I don't do anything soon i'll end up back on diabetes meds which I worked so hard to get off. I just don't have the motivation anymore even though I know what I need to do.

I feel like everything/life is such an effort. I worked hard for 2 years and now Im back to square one and it seems impossible. 2 years of pushing myself and its almost like I burnt myself out.

When it comes to work I can't imagine working till retirement another 25 years. I already feel so worn down from work every day and I look at other people and wonder how they have so much "life energy" when I run on 1/4 - 1/2 a tank all the time.

My only saving grace is my holiday starting in a week and a bit for a month. Hoping that no work and breaking the normal routine might refresh my head too.

[Sophie_M]

Hi sociallyawks, it's wonderful to hear that you have a holiday coming up. Feeling over-tired, lacking motivation and feeling down can be symptoms of depression or another health issue. We suggest making time to visit your doctor whilst you have time off so you can get the support you need to feel better again. It's okay to take it a day at a time. If you need extra support you can always call us on our Support Service: 1300 22 4636  or chat online: https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx

[Gruffudd]

Hi there me again,

I identify with so much of your weekend.

I found out that I am an introvert (everyone else already knew) and what that means is if I go somewhere with lots of people and noise it takes my energy, I need then to have some time away from people in my own space to get the energy back. I started factoring that in and it has helped, I try to make sure I can leave just before I have had enough when possible.

The exercise one is hard, I let it slip again lately too, I used the zombie run 5k training to get me back on track, I liked it because there were no other people involved. I am not brave enough for the gym.

The third bit. An important bit. When I feel like everything is an effort, running on half to empty, work is out to get me - That is my signal to go and get the help, talk to the GP, the psychologist. I find that it does help, at the very least doing that gives a bit of a pressure valve and makes me feel like I am doing something.

So glad you have that holiday to look forward to.

All the best...

Rob.