Am I a bad person?

[JustAnYtka]

Tonight I was just sitting on the couch with my mum and my dog when I suddenly had thoughts about harming them. I'm so disturbed with my own brain because I would never hurt anyone or anything. Is that who I really am? I had to go to my room because I couldn't stand the thought of hurting someone that I love so much. I'm disgusted by myself

[Sophie_M]

Hi JustAnYtka

Thanks for posting here tonight. It sounds like you've experienced a distressing moment of dark thoughts and it's lead you to feeling disgusted with yourself.

We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, and we want to reassure you that most of us have dark thoughts from time to time that we wouldn't entertain, or even really consider, but for some reason our minds have brought these distressing images/thoughts forth and for some of us that strange and disturbing phenomenon is easier to shrug off than for others.

The severity and frequency of the thoughts will determine the depth of the issue, and need for care, so we encourage you to talk with someone safe about these thoughts if you can (especially if they become persistent, more distressing for you and/or more regular). 

Headspace have a great video about understanding dark thoughts (you can watch it here). Please don't hesitate to reach out to talk to someone if you are still upset and/or experiencing these types of thoughts - at any time. 

If you do wish to reach out, please call or use webchat with us here at BB, KidsHelpline, and/or Headspace. We're all here for you anytime.

Hopefully you will get some wonderful connections, advice, support and reassurance here in our wonderful online space as well.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[On The Road]

Hi JustAnYtka,🙂

I'm sorry that these random thoughts have affected you, and made you negative of yourself. These kinds of thoughts desn't present you with who you are. Occasionally I had similar racing thoughts running on my mind when I was in stressful situations. Whether it's violent, inappropriate, or fearful of something terrible that may happen. I agree with Sophie and thank her for providing great support and valuable resource, I just watched the video and it explains a lot. Hope these resources can give you some reassurance, feel free to share more here, we are here to listen, non-judgmentally 😊.

[geoff]

Hello JustAnYtka, hi and welcome.

Having these thoughts are very intrusive and that's what they can be called, because they intrude on your natural feelings and you don't want to hurt your mum nor your dog, but persistent unwanted thoughts worry you, especially when you are about to see them or actually when they're with you.

They can be mostly caused by having anxiety and with this also comes OCD as exactly the same has occurred to me.

If you can search for 'intrusive thoughts' then you might get a better understanding of why this happens.

Please ask any question you like and perhaps you need to talk with a psychologist and hope to hear back from you.

Geoff. 

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi JustAnYtka

In no way whatsoever are you a bad person. Don't give that belief a chance to take root.

In offering a philosophy I've learned, when it comes to what the imagination is, I hope it helps you see things from a more constructive perspective. Here goes...We have what some refer to as 'The home of imagery', the imagination. It's where we see what comes to mind, the images. What we do with the images is key. We can wonder about them, observe them and then dismiss them as simply being strange or quirky or perhaps dark, choose to bring them into reality or not, stress about them, laugh about them if their highly amusing, analyse the hell out of them so as to find some heaven on earth and so on.

There are many key figures in history who were reliant on their home of imagery, for their imagination is what led them. Martin Luther King Jr imagined equality, opportunity for people of all skin colours. He saw it in his mind as clear as day, when he set our on his quest to change things. In his mind he also saw mass gatherings of those who imagined the same. People like Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein and a modern day figure known as Elon Musk have all been heavily reliant on what they've come to see through their home of imagery, their imagination. Of course, there are dark figures in history who also relied heavily on their imagination and millions suffered through such clear vision.

The power of imagination is something that's rarely talked about. Because of this we're not taught how to easily get into it, to use it for a sense of drive, purpose and creativity, and how to get out of it when we need to. How to ground yourself out of your imagination sounds like something you could look at developing skills in.

Do not define your self based on what comes to mind. Define yourself as someone who is keen to learn skills in managing what comes to mind. 'I am a truly brilliant manager of imagery', is an identity to become proud of.

Btw, to remain focused on what we see in our mind is technically meditating on it. Learning to meditate on different imagery, to shift things, can be helpful.

[JustAnYtka]

On Saturday I went to a Billie Eilish concert that I had been looking forward to for like a year. It was amazing and I had so much fun. But ever since then I've been feeling really sad and like nothing is real. The thing it hits me the hardest is that I can barely remember the concert and when I think about it I feel really depressed. I don't know if this is a normal thing because it was my first concert. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any advice? I don't feel comfortable talking to my psychologist because I don't feel like she's real.

[therising]

Hi JustAnYtka

Wondering whether anything's happened recently to trigger things appearing so surreal. For example have you been watching anything that may have perhaps triggered this or maybe you've let go of a particular belief system that tended to ground you in some significant way or perhaps you've developed a new interest or something that's led you to research a different way of thinking or seeing life. When you look back over the past days or weeks, is there anything that tends to stand out, even in the slightest?

Are there any type of 'grounding' exercises that you can imagine might make a difference right now? Grounding is basically the practice of kind of 'touching base with reality'. While we think of being grounded as kids, with our parents bringing us back down to earth by dictating we're not allowed to go out and experience certain detrimental highs as a teenager, there are other forms of grounding too.