Alone, forgotten, saddend, no self respect, no motivation, totally disillusioned, outcast???

[Djordat]

Hi, not sure whether this is the right thing to do?

I have no one else to speak with, about how things are with my position.

I know I have allowed things in my life to way me down, to the point where, I can not seem to see the way out.

Some days are better than others, I find great solace, in the animals in my life, of which are many, mostly wild.

I seem to feel great empathy and sadness for the hopelessness, I see in all things around me, and take it on board.

I try to help others of all species, and cant help myself. Once, I was the most trusting of all that I met, and gave of everything I could freely and honestly, only to be tossed aside each time.

And still, I leave myself open to the users and the self indulged, blinded to there indifference, I accept there words and smooth ways.

It's in disbelief, and distrusting suspicion that I thrive now, detached and isolated from all but nature, in that I trust.

It's very hard to describe the way of things, but in this way I remain distant and detached, where it's safe.

I still have to endure dramas and problems in my life due to commitments and responsibility's every day.

I hide well my ashamed self, and put up a good front to all those I deal with every day, at arms length.

A social life I have none, interacting with others closely none, alone in mind, alone in body, alone in spirit.

Have recently been accumulating my rubbish around me on display, so as to remind me what I am.

Sorry to burden any who read this with my silliness, but would like any comments, may be out of all the self analysis, other views and opinions or experiences may help me turn around this endlessness.

I know I have much more to give in many ways, but cant get the pointlessness out of me!!

With much respect and a kind heart, Thank You.

[Guest_1584]

Are you ok D , how you doin ?

[Just Sara]

Hi Dj;

Like Randomx, I'm eager to know how you are. I guess you're busy with animals and business. Don't forget we care and would love to chat.

Warm thoughts;

Sez x

[Djordat]

Hi again, Sez & Randomx,

Have checked in, but couldn't, bring myself to say anything?

Have not been in the mood for philosophy, or reflection of my feelings lately.

Life can really suck!!!! I abhor, dealing with certain people, I'm obligated to deal with!

Just the mere thought of them curdles my blood, but I'm obliged to do so.

I have thoughts about them at times, that would peel paint.

The blackness that follows, any encounter with them consumes me.

So I go; I go to where I'm respected, to the lowly-est of the low, the most hated, despised and misunderstood of all, my world of the crocodiles, I feel at ease here, I trust in them to be what they are, I respect them, almost in love with them, their complete lack of awareness of the world where I live, no expectations, no anything really, not complicated by emotions, not bogged down with the pettiness life affords me!

Here I know my place, my position!

I feel much more relaxed now, having been with them, drawing from their strength & innocence pure and not contrived, aw-inspiring!!!

Probably given away to much?

Feel good to speak about it, my other animals, I associate with, are positive and supportive in all so many and varied other ways.

Thanks for your concern with my well being, I hope you also are thriving in life and looking forward.

Take care. Djordat.

[Guest_128]

Wow, that was truly beautiful,

Truly a gift you have.

You will be ok.

Dory

[Guest_1584]

It was D , and thanks for checking in mate.

So your gonna write a book , right. Try it man.

But isn't it weird how we're suppose to be the intelligent ones , yet look at things we do and thing they do , everyone does. Too weird.

I'd be nice to be an animal sometimes.

[swtpotato]

Hi Djordat,

I haven't said much here but I really like to read your posts and appreciate you sharing your struggles with us.

You are so expressive in your writing - I can see how satisfying you may find translating your feelings into words. It will help you figure this all out.

Inspiring!

It makes me want to get out of the house and renew my love for the bush.

If you want I would like to hear more about your favourite places and what strikes you most about them.

keep on going

- m

[Djordat]

Thank you Dory & Randomx.

Grateful, of your words, of support, never had anyone to talk to like this, with out criticism. I do appreciate it!!

I'm quite often seen as; opinionated, by the narrow of life, and the hollow, how ever, I do differ in opinion, and say passionate, and open to the purity of understanding. Makes me week! Vulnerable, I believe all are entitled to be what was intended for them.

In our lives, its often lost, You just have to see it, there; in front of you! hidden; behind whats normal, and safe. I have far different views of most things, but hold no bone against any who see differently, but accept theirs eagerly, and add it to whats known to me, improving understanding.

When it involves violence, greed, deception, lies, or any other injustice against the innocent, the week in society, the trusting, the loving, the compassionate, the forgotten, etc, I burn inside, and can not understand. I can't help everything, I wish, I wish I could. I sit often, looking to the stars, and ask questions, so many questions! The answers to most come, not from there, but from with in! inside, the answers are there!!

Just mine, that don't get answered, impossible to get around my self, to much pain to long, I'm here to serve, not to be served. I'm too giving; and don't understand, why it wont come back, why; no matter what I do, I seem; invisible. I accept it and take pleasure in helping, any way I can; others; open a door, buy some food, give my last dollar, repair their wounds, if It helps, I gain, I receive, not in ways expected.

Sorry, I tend to let go here! to much! no release.

Thank you. Djordat.

[Guest_1584]

Ahh , let it go all you want D , l know we all enjoy reading you , but l'm sorry there's so much sadness and disgust in humans , l have it myself , even in my own family, especially in them actually , siblings l mean.

l have 4 times more than most yet not one l can turn to or trust. There's been a big lesson with people in general for me there sadly because it seems to mostly be the way.99.9% in fact.

So for me sadly l accepted a long time ago l can rarely be the person l really am in life because it just doesn't pay. l don't like the everyday me much , it's would just come across like all the things that let you down so much in others. Just like everyone else out there and looking after number one and protective of who l am or the few things l truly have but l just find there's no choice.

l've always found people that don't have much or that have suffered to be the best people and usually the first ones to offer the shirt of their back so to speak. People are so strange , or maybe it's just the shallow materialistic way we're all raised in this country with really , no depth or culture .

l dunno , either way it's one disappointment after the next and it's always seemed the only one or few you can have what you hold dear in people and life is withing your own walls and personal relationship , w , gf , whatever , and hopefully our children . l do try with my daughter but she's also a teen too just like l was once and hey , can't expect too much there right now she's only a kid and lifes all about her, l was worse back then haha.

Maybe there really is something to be said in people and their pets and the unconditional love thing they talk about. Trouble is l have a really bad run with pets, something always happens to them as hard as l tried.

[Guest_341]

Hi Dordat, I'm Julie. I have read your post and all of your answers to others and I must say I can relate a lot to what you are saying.

I am also a very empathetic person and sensitive which I believe is not necessarily a bad thing.

Here to offer you support and be your friend 😊

[Djordat]

Hi Randomx, Mardi.

I can relate to your position with family, to mine, I am the black sheep! Have been since I was born, always misunderstood, still the same, if I don't contact them, there's no contact.

Had a great love once, the first, she and I forever! Marry, have kids, nothing physical, we would wait, was killed by drunk driver, one night driving with her friends. I mourned, in silence.

Married next girl 10yrs latter, clear understanding, lasted 4yrs, one son, went bad, she changed, became very aggressive, possessive, I withdrew, son was 9mths old when divorced. I lost my ability to rationalize. I've been divorced a long time now, during this, there was no support, and my son was withheld from me by his mother and family, as I did not fit the mold, I was required to conform or else I would not get to see him; I could not see how this would benefit either, or any of us, you can only be yourself, even if only inside; if I had, I would live a lie; so went deep bush, walked alone 2yrs. Turns out, an undetected brain tumor was to blame for the change in her. To late to go back.

My brother and sister by blood, do not accept or understand me, their lives, and opinions are greatly different from mine. Still love them, but from a safe distance.

A small insight in to things, I cannot change.

Julie, you are right, nothing at all wrong with being empathetic or sensitive, just be on guard, and always protect your position, the world in which we live needs more like you.

I unfortunately, always believe everyone, don't know why? So leaves me open to be used up, I'm reluctant to change, in case I block those who are true, and need help.

You don't have to have pets, but rather accept the things that live
around you day to day, they can be of great support, another living
entity with in our space, interesting.

Good to talk, many thanks. Djordat.