Aging and mental illness challenge

[newnoz]

Dear Beyond Blue

I tried doing the online survey but the problem I have wasn't included. My problem is there is no room made for old people. We have many reasons to be miserable and especially men don't have a clue after they stop working. A lot of us have other disabilities. Age means that some of my dreams will never come true and the ones I am still fighting for, seem more and more unlikely. A lot of us are not rich or even comfortable economically. A lifetime of trying and failing due to mental illness and in my case other factors can be a sore spot one doesn't know how to address. Therapists also have very little understanding of age and psychological factors. Will you put up forums for those who are not young? Being young was horrible in so many ways. Being old isn't good either because there is the finish line and it is quite final.

[Hanna3]

Hi newnoz,

Hooray, a thread for ageing folk here - I sometimes feel like everyone on BB is assumed to be young! Thank you!

The best book on ageing I have read is one called Ageless Soul by Thomas Moore. He has chapters such as The First Taste of Ageing, Old Bodies Young Souls, Processing Life Experiences, The Maturing of Sexuality, Living with Dying. My friends have purchased it too - it requires slow careful reading to take in his wisdom - he used to be a monk originally but it's not a religious book. It's quite inspiring.

I think the best things we can do is to keep a sense of humour and keep interested in something; there's nothing worse than a cranky old person... who makes life miserable for others.. and keeping interested is good for your mind and keeps you open to new ideas.

For women it's hard to manage the pressure to have your hair dyed and your face botoxed!

I think also we have a culture that is not very respectful of elders, unlike other communities. I wonder how others here find that?

[Moonstruck]

Hello All

I am glad this thread seems to have been revived too. I don't think our society, or our Govt Health Depts were really expecting, or certainly not prepared to have such a huge population of older people...while their minds and emotions maybe just as they were aged 30 or 40 or so, their bodies no longer work for them, not allowing them to carry out the most mundane everyday tasks....this in itself, creates frustration, anxiety and horrible depression for them.

An elderly person I know seems to be going downhill and becoming so confused with who to register with for help. I do what I can but cannot do it all, nor am I trained, or have adequate time. She is registered and at least has some help now, but as time goes on, will need more and more. Her needs seem to be increasing so quickly.

There seems quite a few Aged Care agencies" or Care People with whom they can be assessed and receive help with transport, house cleaning and more...but if the older person is not "online" which many are not, it makes it so difficult for them.

And the various Agencies have long waiting lists, and are understaffed. The elderly person has to give them so many days notice if they need transporting, and organise their priorities in the time allotted "Do I go to the Dr or to the Pathology for my blood test, will I have time to go to the supermarket, I badly need a haircut, what day should I make an appointment for that? My cat is sick, can someone take me to the vet, wait for me and take me home again? " "I think I need a walker now, not just my walking stick, where can I buy one of them, have I got time to shop around? I have trouble just walking down my 2 front steps, what will I do?"

This lady is determined to remain in her home, as she has pets to whom she is devoted and wants to leave her house to certain family members in her will. So does not want to relinquish the house to go into an Aged Care Place...I think if she did so, she would not last long at all...it would be a death sentence for her.....sad to watch.

[mmMekitty]

Hi newnoz, & all,

There are some specifically age-related concerns for us, who have also a history of mental health concerns, or who may only recently have some, now, while facing the latter years, or more, of life. We become aware of things we may never have seriously considered when 40 or even 50 years old. At some point, the prospect of our aging, or of someone near to us, becomes real. This in itself may be the cause of anxiety, or, for some, panic.

Changes to our bodies & lives, work & social.

As we age, if we have lots of friends, rellies, co-workers, the reality is some of these people may develop problems, have severe illness, & we may begin to experience the loss of some of these people, so grief & loss, including multiple loss, may become a very significant issue. As is our own losses of physical health, cognitive sharpness, social involvement, personal confidence - because of all the changes such as appearance, or functions we no longer feel in control of, certain health anxiety problems coming into one's view. Changes in our senses, like hearing, sight, balance & disability.

The prospect of needing care or other support one may not have had, or which may change for those of us who have had, which raises issues about independence/dependance, who controls what, where & how we live, who to source & assess possible supports, & all this with regards to a partner/spouse, other rellie, if we're the carer too. & Privacy & boundaries, lots.

With regards to cognitive changes, we may have to deal with our personal & financial safety, online & in real life. How common it is to hear of older people being targeted by scammers & con artists? I wonder if the book Hanna mentioned says anything about the romance scams targeting lonely folks, stealing money & hearts.

Loneliness itself is huge. Many of us come from broken families, so don't even have the regular contact with any.

Loss of driver's licence - big for some.

So, I think a section for Aging is needed.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

You, newnoz & others may like Grandy's Discussion:

Middle, mature, elderly aged person...lonely & liv... - Beyond Blue Forums - 530341

Warmly,

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Can't believe I managed to find this thread again in the maze of these new forums.  It seems to be neglected si maybe my post will boot it up a bit...  I understand about the difficulties ageing presents, but I do wish we could also hear a bit more positive things about it.  A friend of mine always says her dog " settled into old age" and I think that's a lovely description.  Ever see an old dog snoozing in the sun?  You can't tell me he isn't finding life is still good.

It is a privilege to grow old - so many people die much too young, I have seen that for myself.  I rather enjoy being a bit quieter myself - I enjoy simple things very much - a brisk walk on a cool day, a laugh with a friend, my old dog running along with his ears flying, making a really nice pot of tea and having it out of a beautiful cup I bought for just that purpose.  Watching a great movie or comedy, listening to great music, going to a concert when I can.  Reading good books!  

Anyone else got a few more positives to add here?  

[mmMekitty]

That's a great attitude, Hanna. I'm sorry I'm not feeling my agig in that way. So far, the one benefit I have found is that recalling how much I've been through, & I'm still here, shows me I am more resilient than I have ever believed. I can trust the evidence of having the experiences & seeing that I somehow will get through. A bad experience isn't going to be the end of everything, not 'my life is completely ruined', not at all.

It's wonderful to find the simpler things in life are more enjoyable. The difference now is that you don't dismiss the moments. Instead, you take notice & appreciate them for all they are worth.

Hope you & Sam are not freezing now, & enjoy some sunny days.

Hugzies to you both.

mmMekitty