Hi, welcome
I have a few questions if you dont mind.
Is your wife fully aware of your BPD illness, the symptoms and the difficulties of it in terms of treatment difficulties and things like instability? We arent trained medical people, however if your wife isnt fully aware of this most difficult illness then some education, maybe self help on internet searches etc could be of value.
Having a new born is a steep learning experience. I recall my doctor telling me "I've never had a baby die from crying too much". That was my wake up call to stop feeding my anxiety about my child. Also my ex and I had to learn to relieve out partner and allow the other some free time, walk the dog or window shop, just get out for an hour or so then return home and give the other a break.
With any mental health issue especially under new stresses, we need to keep our GP visits up to par. In your case now you are experiencing some suicidal thoughts so that is all the more reason to do this and chat about them. Also your leg pain, get it checked because there could be some issue like swelling that is easily addressed. I had the same and had no idea I had arthritis there as an example. It could be there is some relief out there for managing your child like the visiting health nurse could attend to to offer some suggestions. We had one suggestion that we use disposable nappies for the days we are snowed under instead of cloth, that gave us some relief of a chore.
I would definately say that having a child, particularly your first, that teamwork and empathy between you both is needed. So have a chat together and show empathy to your partner and suggest you are both struggling, praise them for their effort but do say that you need the same.
I hope I've helped. I was suicidal once but 20 years later walked by daughter down the aisle. I reflected on that terrible day that had I gone ahead I wouldnt be there to witness one of many events in my life and in hers.
So get some support, GP, visiting health nurse, teamwork, empathy from each of you, breaks and ... it does get better.
TonyWK
