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Worst Joke Wednesday

Neil_1
Community Member

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

 

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

 

1,361 Replies 1,361

hmmm...I really need to get a life....first time on here and I cant think of a gag....even a fart joke.....brrrp...doh!

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

There was an old man in France who used to get up every morning at five A.M. He would then go and sprinkle a white powder on the roads.
When he was asked what he was sprinkling on the roads, he answered that it was elephant powder.
The person then remarked "But everybody knows that there are no elephants in France!" to which he answered "I guess it must be working then!"

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.
The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold SES cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Chip & Dip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop, you wanna buy a toothbrush?"
I used the politician's method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got an A+ for his assignment. Bless his heart.

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

What do you call a big pile of kittens?

A meowntain.

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Why did the chicken cross the playground ?
To get to the other slide.

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Two bees have just buzzed in through my window today with little pieces of paper in their beelike hands. "Excuse me," one said, "we're a bit lost. We're looking for the pollen station."

My little grandson left some Play Doh at my place - I didn't know what to make of it.

Scarlett_May
Community Member

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten TIckles!!!

(get it?? tentacles?? heehee!!)