Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

[Ggrand]

 I picked up a pack of ear plugs at work today and it had three in the pack

The maintenance guy said “that’s the Spock pack”

Me: “Spock pack?”

Maintenance man……” aye; one for the left ear, one for the right ear - and one for the final front ear”

[Eagle Ray]

Did you know there is a sausage cat, a long variety of cat with short legs like a sausage dog? And why did the sausage cat leave after arriving to pay for her parking fine at the local council?

Because the fee-line was too long!

[Eagle Ray]

P.S. I thought I’d just made up a sausage cat but it turns out they are real! But it’s an irregular trait it’s not recommended cats are bred for because it affects mobility. Poor cats.

As that’s a more serious topic I need to tell another joke…

Why is the yak noble?

Because he is yak-king all the time.

[tranzcrybe]

Animal Shmaminal
I was feline a little horse and needed medical attention. Unable to bear doging the traffic or cating the train, I moused have been getting desperate, so I jumped on my pyke and made a bee-line for the vet... er, clinic.
I waited for several owls before complaining to reception, sharking my head at the delay. Shee-pointed out I was being a bit shellfish since there was quite a lion ahead of me. Gibbon the dressing down, I apologised and gave up my place to the person(?) beside me, dressed like a monk - he was very grrrateful.

[Eagle Ray]

Very good tranzcrybe!

[mmMekitty]

LRC says, "I gave myself a little cat-nip ... now was that one word or two? It matters; do I lick it or eat it?"

LRC adds, "Yeah, I know that was lame".

[Croix]

Where do cats get their catnip?

On the black meowket

[Croix]

It is well known that if a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down.

Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground:)

I think I've just discovered perpetual motion!

[tranzcrybe]

In the interest of animal rights, and incongruous physical properties that could unravel the fabric of the Universe, please don't do this!
Instead, strap a slice of buttered toast to the back of a dog and it will spin relentlessly trying to eat it. Perpetual starvation!