Mother's Day 2015

[Doolhof]

Hi everyone. Mother's Day can mean so many things to different people. I am wondering how you all think about Mother's Day?

Do you have a close relationship with your Mum, Nana, Grandma, Mother in law, Aunty or a lady in your life who is like a Mother to you?

If you are a Mum, how do you feel about that role in your life? If you have never been a Mum due to choice or circumstances, how does that make you feel?

For me, Mother's Day can be a sad and lonely time, and at the same time I can celebrate with my Mum and my Mother in law.

Am I a Mum? Yes and no. I have been pregnant 5 times but have no live children.

I have a Mum whom I try so hard to love and care for but who also has mental health issues so the relationship is often strained and hard to live with at times. It seems often that Mum is not aware of how much pain she causes people. But she is still my Mum.

So are you looking forward to Mother's Day or are you dreading it?

If it is the latter, then try to come up with things you can do now to ensure you do not feel too much sadness, regret, misery and pain on Mother's Day.

We will be catching up with my Mother in law this year and I will phone my Mum as she lives too far away for me to visit unless I stay over night. I will be thinking of my babies with lots of love and may mark the day with flowers for myself, or I may light some candles.

I will leave this for now and see what replies I receive.

Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools,   Lauren

[HA1]

Happy mothers day to all those mums out there!  I hope you have received your hugs this morning - and if you haven't, here is a cyber hug!  Hug 🙂

Have a lovely day!

K

[Doolhof]

Hi K,

I am a Mother of sorts, so I will accept your hugs, thanks.

I had a lovely day with my husband's family and also a friend of mine who didn't have any where to go today for Mother's Day. She fitted in just fine and chatted away all afternoon.

I phoned my Mum as well as she lives too far away to visit unless I stayed over night. Poor excuse maybe, but it was easier to phone her, send a card and some money so she could go out for lunch with Dad if she wanted to.

Cheers for now, from Lauren Mrs. Dools 

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

I hope you had a terrific time on Sunday (am just reading in your post that you did). Two friends and I visited one of their mothers who is in a Nursing home and that went well... We all had a good time. I thought about my mum at times during the day but it was all good stuff.

Thanks for telling me about your mum and the 2 ladies that were like mums to you. I can see why you miss them and especially your great friend Jo. Very sorry for your losses.

All the best to you Mrs Dools 

Kind thoughts

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

It was lovely you accompanied your friends in visiting in the nursing home. That is not always an easy thing to do in the first place! Guess it depends on the health of the person you are visiting.

I worked in an aged care facility for ten years. I grew very attached to so many of the people there.

My dear friend Jo was such a wonderful blessing to me. I do miss her so much.

I thought of our babies who never managed to live and had a few tears on Sunday. I lit candles on Mother's day in their memory and also for Jo and Barbara.

Do you have any special way you like to celebrate the life of your Mum or is it all still too raw for you?

I hope it doesn't upset you too much mentioning your Mum.

Cyber hugs to you, from Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

The lady I visited in the nursing home was fit and healthy which was good. There were quite a few other poor souls who were very old and incapacitated. What kind of work did you do in the aged care facility, if you don't mind me asking?

I can understand how you could become attached to the people where you worked and to your friends, Jo and Barbara. You must miss them a lot. Lighting candles on the day sounds very appropriate for your babies too.

I don't really celebrate Mum's life except to think of her at Xmas and Mother's Day and her birthday. I do think about her every now and then as well. She would have been 81 this month. I do have a letter from her that she left for me that I got after she died that I read now and then. It is short and simple but very special.

I have no other family except a twin brother but we don't talk (a long story). So, that's another reason why I don't celebrate.

It doesn't bother me talking about my mother but thanks for the thought.

All the best to you Mrs Dools

Cyber hugs to you, too.

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

I used to enjoy my work in the home for the elderly until I hurt my back quite badly. I worked in what used to be called the Hostel section of the home, now I think it is called Low Care compared to High Care where the more dependent people live.

My title was aged care assistance, only we didn't assist any one, we were it unless we called the Dr. or the ambulance in. I mainly worked the afternoon shift, so there were two of us for about 60 or more residents.

In those days we handed out medication, showered, changed dressings, did enemas and so on, even more than an enrolled nurse did in a hospital. My sister who was a RN at the time was horrified at how much we were able to do.

I enjoyed assisting the residents with dementia as well. As my husband worked afternoon shift and I was only part time, I had plenty of evenings free, so myself and another staff member would take the work van and a few residents and take them for a drive down to the beach in the summer where we would all have ice creams.

These days you need qualifications and certificates for everything. So even though I worked in aged care for 10 years, f I now wanted to assisted a client with personal care, I need to return to "school" and obtain a certificate to do so.

Did you want to chat about your twin brother, or is that a subject you steer clear of?

Hope you have had a good day. I am about to attend the weekly Country Fire Service Training where we will be learning about the Jaws Of Life tonight at a different station.

Cheers for now and best wishes to you, from Mrs,. Dools 

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Thanks for telling me all about your work at the home for the elderly. It sounds like it was a very responsible job with a lot to do. Did you hurt your back at work? Did you have to finish work because of it? Ice creams at the beach sounds like a terrific way to unwind...

It's a shame how one must be qualified these days with, in a lot of cases, little regard for work/life experience. I worked as a volunteer for a psychiatric rehab. association for 10 years and learned a lot about MI and the mentally ill  but I didn't get any credentials. I think experience is worth something though. Look at mums, they work hard!

Can you explain? The Jaws of Life? what this means, please?

I can chat about my twin brother, that's ok. It is a good chance to vent as I don't speak about it very often.

Being fraternal twins meant we were very close but at times we were a bit hostile towards one another too. I remember we didn't speak to each other for 2 years once, then when I came back from a lengthy overseas holiday, all was forgiven and forgotten. Since that time we have shared accommodation in Sydney, worked together and visited  most of the city's nightspots etc.

It was around this time, 1990, when my problems with depression began to surface although I think it had been building for quite a while. A year or so later, I had a breakdown and was hospitalized for 2 months. My brother and I went our separate ways but we kept in touch.

18 or so years later, I was having difficulty where I was living and my brother came to my assistance. He took me to Sydney then after a month or so to my parent's place (mum had just died). Later, I got a place in town of my own and my brother stayed too but we fought a lot. I was still unwell with depression.

I moved to yet another place, sharing with 2 others. My brother rang one day, out of the blue, at once telling me a tale of woe about the situation he was in. Very depressed, I couldn't cope with what he was telling me and so I said little. A few days later he arrived, took his gear that he had stored at my place, and left without a word.

2 years passed and one day I received an email. It was my brother. It was a very short note saying he'd like to meet up as he was coming up to my area in a few weeks time. I replied, friendly but a little cautiously, and he never wrote back. That was about a year ago.

I'd like to be on good terms with my brother but haven't tried to contact him yet. I am waiting for full recovery from my depression. I guess I think in a way it's up to him to forgive me but the whole thing weighs heavily on me at times.

Well, Mrs Dools, I hope I haven't written too much here. Please let me know if I have.

It's nice and sunny here today, I'm off for a walk down the street. Wishing you a terrific day!

All the Best

from TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Depression can be a very difficult illness to understand, both from the sufferers perspective and from someone looking at a person with the illness.

Regarding your twin brother, it seems there has been a bit of misunderstanding. From what I have read in your story he has tried to help you in the past, and when he called out to you, due to your depression, you were unable to be there for him. This may have upset him.

When we are depressed it is so hard to keep ourselves on track at times, let alone being able to reach out to assist anyone else. Can you explain this to your brother?

As your relationship has been a bit troubled in the past, it may take a couple of approaches to your brother before he will accept or understand your side of the events.

Relationships are difficult at the best of times. My husband has recently been very depressed and I have tried to be very supportive, loving and caring. If I tell him I am really struggling and having a bad day, he will just say: "that is no good dear" and just walks away.

Some days I want to yell and scream at him and ask him why he can't see or accept my pain and try to help.

Forgiveness, love and care...sometimes it doesn't work both ways.

Try to contact your brother now rather than later. Not wanting to dampen your spirits regarding kicking depression, but it might be around for a long time. I would not want to miss the opportunity to say "I am sorry if I have hurt you, I was not in the place to assist you at that time due to my depression. Can we catch up?"

At least you will have made an effort and it will make you feel better inside.

Regarding work, I was ordered to lift a resident out of a wheelchair and into a bath. I was told if I didn't do so I could look for a job else where! At the time our home interest rate was 18 percent. I stayed at work and messed up my back big time.

Work Cover kept pushing too until I ended up in hospital having an operation on my back. Now I live on Morphine patches and various pain killers so I can work and support my husband who has been out of work for two years.

I will be a bit cheeky and start another post to explain the "Jaws of Life"

I hope that chatting about your brother has helped a little. It benefits me to chat about some of the stuff in my life.

Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi again TMB,

Jaws of Life are part of a group of heavy duty tools and equipment used in Road Crash Incidents.

I try to assist the local Country Fire Service when I can. We had training at a different station, as they have a special truck fitted out with equipment for Road Crashes, where as we don't.

We learnt what all the equipment was called and where it is stored in their truck so if we attend a road crash along with them, we will know what they require off the truck.

The Jaws of life is device you could jam into a door frame and with pressure it opens up and will force the door open.

They also have a large pair of "scissors" that works like a can opener. They can cut through any part of a car frame.

I've only attended one road crash so far and that was mainly to just help clean up after the guys had been airlifted to hospital via a helicopter.

We have just as many women in our brigade as guys, and people aged from just over 70 to 18.

We all do it voluntary at our level.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Thanks for helping me with your very useful feedback regarding my brother.

What you said about the nature of depression and relationships made perfect sense to me. It is very hard to help others when you are so depressed you can hardly look after yourself (much to one's dismay).

I agree with you that it could take repeated attempts in order for my brother to understand exactly where I am coming from but that's ok. I am willing to try. I will think about what you have said about contacting him now, rather than later. I am a bit reluctant to contact him straightaway, my illness is still pretty bad but I realize I need to act as soon as possible. It would be good for him, I trust, and for me too.

Very sorry to hear of your husband's depression. I can identify with his behaviour and I really feel for you in this situation. It must be extremely frustrating for you at times.

Also, I am very sorry to learn about your back injury. How dare your boss threaten you like that! What a hide! And since that time you have had an operation and are now on morphine patches and pain killers!! It's a wonder how you cope. As well you have to work and support your husband! A superhuman effort Mrs Dools. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of work do you do? On top of this you volunteer with your local Country Fire Service and your work, for lack of a better word, with Beyond Blue.

I am not working at present. My first job was as a metallurgist working in the steel industry. My last was as a Residential Support worker for people with a mental illness. The last few years I have studied with Open Universities and with Open Colleges. Now, I am trying to learn all about scriptwriting. I can study for a few hours a day, my concentration is not the best but it is getting a lot better. Actually writing posts etc at Beyond Blue is helping.

I imagine attending a road crash scene could be pretty horrific but it is such admirable work, I think. Satisfying too. Best of luck with it and your brigade and thanks for explaining about "Jaws of Life" etc. to me.

Once again, thanks heaps for advising me about my brother. You have great insight and wisdom. Most of all, I appreciate your non-judgemental stance and the excellent advice you gave.

Bye for now and all the best

TMB