Have you ever felt this way?

[the_motorcycle_boy]

"Well, oh well I feel I'm in decay"

The first line of a popular Midnight Oil song and I think a description most apt, for some people experiencing depression.

Have you ever felt this way?

One of the biggest dilemmas I've faced in "depressive-illness land" is the one of being alone and having no viable means of changing that fact...let me explain...

My depression causes me to be apart. I feel different from others. I find it very hard to mix with people who are "alive and well". So, I remain alone bundled up in a safe but miserable cocoon.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know what I need. I can feel the loneliness, an ache inside. In my mind's eye I see a ghostly parade of familiar faces, old friends, all gone now. Still, I need people, people to talk to, to communicate with, maybe God permit, a laugh!

Have you ever felt this way?

But I can't escape what I'm in, so I must wait for it to pass...weeks...months...years.

I'm reminded of a quote by Charles Bukowski regarding his drinking/literary lifestyle. I think it fits depression too.

"And as my hands drop a last desperate pen, in some cheap room, they will find me there and never know my name, my meaning nor the treasure of my escape".

[Indra]

Hey TMB,

Hope all is well with you too Mein Freund!! I do check on here sporadically, and had hoped that you were still keeping your head above water. Glad you have found some quieter new digs - I have done the same. In the same town, but a much bigger place for not much more than I was paying previously.

Awesome that you social circle has grown - we are on par now lol Really good to hear that you are doing some voluntary work too - that must be very rewarding and woo hoo gets you out and about.

Hey the old adage of time healing things - so glad to hear that you are on the up and up - just putting one foot forward at a time is a start to good things. You are sounding so positive - great progress!!!

I am doing well, even though it's the same old with the rollercoaster with my boys. Miniman has now had his formal diagnosis with Austism - not a shocker, but still a little bit of a kick in the guts, so to speak. 

Hope you do check back in TMB - friends do get worried!! Oh, and by the way I have gotten around to watching Whiplash. Really good film - very intense and I coped with the jazz music hahaha  I must be getting mellow with the old age lol

Any hoo - stay cool Mein Freund and hope you travel safe and happy

Later Mein Freund,

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Great to hear from you again, mon ami!  It's been a long time in some respects, very glad to hear you and the boys are doing well. Sounds like your new place is nice and big enough for you, more room to relax and enjoy I guess.

Thanks so much for all your encouraging words and comments. You are a very generous and compassionate person. Very thoughtful too. A great friend!

Sorry to hear about your pain regarding Miniman's formal diagnosis. I imagine it would've been a pretty difficult time for you. I hope things have eased for you now.

Was pleased to see you liked "Whiplash". And you could cope with the jazz! Haha! It was a top movie, I thought. "Lucy" is another goody if you're looking for something that's entertaining (and who isn't? haha).

Music! I have been listening to the mellow sounds of Ray LaMontagne, especially his album "Supernova". pretty cool stuff. but lately I can't stop listening to the Doors "L.A. Woman".  I want to listen to it over and over, must be having my second adolescence or something. lol

If you get a hankering to reply, and I hope you do, please tell me more about what's been happening with you. It would be more than excellent to hear from you again.

Well, that's all from me right now, sorry for the long wait!

Take care Mon ami and All the Best.

TMG (The Motorcycle Guy)

[Indra]

Hey TMG - I have aeen that you have updated to guy now lol Good to hear back from you. Hey I'm just me - I have a couple of friends I don't hear from in awhile, but when we speak, you just pick up from where you left off. Just life and how you roll with it. 

As for me, I have good days and bad, but I am learning albeit slowly lol, not to torture myself by over thinking life. 

Miniman has now started school and he is super advanced (and tall ) for his age. The other children are on level 1 and 2 for reading - he is on level 20!! The social side and eye contact is the challenge. His teacher is great and working with me. The joys!!! 

Have deviated away from Rammstein a little and now listening to Sia, Rudimental and keeping on with the old school stuff! 

Haha who didn't listen to The Doors in their formative years. I had a Morrison American Poet poster on my wall! Along with Janis and Led Zep. I like People are Strange, Love Her Madly and good ole' Roadhouse Blues 😊

I guess with me going with the flow for now, glad you are doing ok TMG!

Gotta cruise for now - stay in the world and remember friends are like stars,

Take it easy mein freund! 

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra!

Yes I thought The Motorcycle Guy might better reflect my age and it sounds better than The Motorcycle Grandfather or The Motorcycle Gettingoninlife! or The Motorcycle Geriatric! none of which I am...I don't think. lol. I wouldn't mind changing my member name but I don't think you can anymore. Just the picture.

I hadn't thought about overthinking life. I think it's too much for my brain! haha! Seriously, I think I know what you mean and how torturous it can be. I try to avoid being bogged down in trivialalities which means cutting out a fair bit of telly...

Actually, I think I'm metamorphising into a clone of my Dad! lol. I sit and watch ch24 news religiously and I love watching question time in parliament. These pursuits suit my brain just like my old man. And the absolute pinnacle of the year is watching Election night with endless coffees, a comfy lounge and maybe a snack or two!. My father loved politics and got very excited about it, at times.

Miniman has started school...YAY!!! Please don't take this the wrong way but I always thought of Miniman as being small, because of his name, Miniman. But he is tall for his age and is on level 20 for his reading!!! Far out!! You must be so proud of him! That's great that you are all working together to optimise things. Fantastic!

As I think I've told you, I am happy pushing a lawn mower around these days. I do it for a local charity so it's a good cause. On one of my early forays I mowed solidly for about 3 hours and I was absolutely stuffed! Little did I realize that my back had 2 big knots in it. A few says later I went for a massage at the local parlour. Well I half stripped and she began the massage. Suddenly she felt my back and started saying "It's terrible! it's terrible! Apparently I had these 2 sizeable balls of taut tissue that no amount of rubbing etc would loosen them up. I left and so did the balls a few days later,

I have never heard of Sia or Rudimental, Will check them out on the net.
Regarding the Doors, I like Love Her Madly too and especially The Changeling. I sing along when no-one's here  and I am pretty damn cool I'll tell ya. hahaha. I love my music, hey I've got a thread going regarding Favourite Song lyrics. Check it out if you like! lol.

Friends are like stars eh. What about my teeth are like the stars they both come out at night! lol.

Anyway...

I'll sign off now my bonne ami,

Hope you and family are travelling well,

catch you on the flipside,

Take Care
TMG

[Indra]

Hey TMG,

Sorry for the delay in response, things have been a little chaotic of late. Add to that I have hit a few low spots over the last week and have felt very insular.

I got a much needed chuckle with the variations of TMG! A clone of your Dad - there is nothing wrong with keeping up to date with news and so forth, sometimes I would love to have more than 5 minutes to sit down and watch the box. Then me being me, would have to get up and do something, just for the sake of doing it lol I don't switch off very easily.

Miniman lol it's because he is my baby! The poor child has about 6 nicknames - but he loves them all! He is now on level 25 for reading and I have now got him a times table chart and can hear him talking his way throgh them, he has a new witching hour where he loves to drive me around the twist. I can see why I literally conk out at night lol

Well I am glad you are still mowing lawns, but my goodness, I pity the poor person that had to get the knots out of your back!! Sounds like you need to take up yoga (LMAO)

You are a crack up TMG - you say about the geriatric thing and then the teeth comment hahaha - Yes I am also a car/alone time singer, now if I could just stay in tune.......

Well hoping this week is better than the last, otherwise I am going to end up with gravel rash from my chin dragging on the ground. As for music, Miniman has just gotten into Fatboy Slim so that is played over and over at the minute in the car. Is it legal to drive with headphones on?? Hahaha

Take care TMG, hope life is treating you well and careful with the back Pa lol

Cheers and later mein Freund!

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

It is 8:24pm. I am listening to Julian Cope singing "My life is a delicate balance"...maybe so, Julian...That's ok that you took a while to reply... It was great to hear from you and I'm glad my attempts at humour gave you a chuckle or two.

Sorry to hear of your low spots and feeling insular. It sounds as if a good laugh might be in order. Here's one about me and my "catastrophysing" (as my psychologist puts it). - imagining the worst in certain situations. And I do do it too! lol. I can get a negative response from someone and build it up to an "Aaaargh!! It's the end of the world!!!" type problem. Not that funny at the time but you've got to laugh. Haha!

Have been studying the "Whiplash" screenplay very closely to help learn the secrets of successful screenwriting. Also watching the movie again has helped. Was pleased that you watched and enjoyed it! My next film to study is "127 hours" another good one, I reckon.

Probably stating the bleeding obvious but you seem to have very little free time to yourself. Me, I'm lucky to have some. It's too bad I couldn't just "matter transfer" over to where you are and give you some kind of assistance so you could have a well-earned break! Never mind. Maybe next century! haha!

Am also hoping your week is a good one with no chin dragging! lol.

Me, well life is getting better. It's still a battle at times but I am happier, more alive and improving all the time.

Get this, my psychologist is going with me to a Men's Shed next week just to help me get adjusted to it. What a top bloke eh?! The extent of his selflessness and generosity etc are hard, for me, to believe!

Hope you have the opportunity to have some down time this week! Dr TMG recommends a nice cup of cocoa, put those feet up and stretch those muscles in neck and back and watch the tube for 1/2 an hour or more, favourite program... relax...maybe even a nap!.

Not sure why but I was in a hurry to get back to you! Guess I enjoy our chats but please take your time to respond, I know you are "awesomely" busy.

That's terrific that Miniman has progressed to level 25! for reading and is into a times table chart!! I remember them from when I was a boy. The witching hour sounds a bit of a worry for you though! lol.

Well, mon ami, time for me to depart. You and the boys take good care.

Bye for now and all the best!

TMG

[Indra]

Hey TMG,

Life is a delicate balance - that's for sure. Oh, have I been feeling delicate of late. Not sure what is going on in my head - can't even blame the weather. I should be happy, but for some reason I can't get past the negative of late and it is really starting to eat away at me. I've not always been like this and really not sure what to do to break the pattern or get past it. The usual blah, blah of no sleep and erractic moods - sorry to be a downer....

Glad you are still into an researching screen plays - a great focus. I still have a mountain of books to read and will slowly get around to it - when it is raining and I decide to sit still for more than 5 minutes!! In the younger days I could read for hours on end - priorities change with responsibility haha I have had my eldest home this week, a few minor issues. Miniman is cruising well - he is currently at a Year 2 level academically, not bad for a boy in reception. Unfortunately, the don't skip child ahead in year level anymore. A chip of the old block lol

Thanks for the time offer - would be so much easier with time travel etc lol

Awesome - be proud of yourself TMG for being on the improve - I have seen and heard about the Men's Shed projects - be good to challenge yourself and get yourself out there. Woo hoo!!

I'll pass on the cocoa lol definite caffeine addict here, but slowly switching to different teas at night time. Better for the stomach as well. I am looking forward to the new season of GOT - now to be able to watch in peace haha

Hope your football team has made a good start to the season - I am getting back into the AFL after a long hiatus, the kids enjoy it as well.

Oh, I forgot last time to ask. Hoping that your friend who has had the heart problem is doing ok - pass on some well wishes from me. Thanks!

Well mein freund, must dash, busy as always. It's always strange feeling run off my feet for not actually "being at work". Mother's work is never done lol

Thanks for the chat as always,

Take care of you and onwards and upwards - at least not back to front for me!

Rambling now lol

Later TMG,

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Hope you're doing well, mon ami. Thanks for the great post but I must admit after reading it I was left worried about you, I might be over-reacting but I wanted to get back to you pretty quickly in case you weren't coping too well.

You are not a downer mate, at all, I find your posts stimulating, interesting and very uplifting. And it is no problem whatsoever if you are feeling down and want to talk about it.

I am concerned, my friend, because you are having sleep issues and erratic moods. Also, I worry when you say you can't get past the negative of late...that it is really starting to eat away at you!

I don't mean to pry or tell you what to do, Indra, but can I recommend that you talk to someone more about these difficulties. I know from experience that it is very hard to cope all by oneself. You can talk to me anytime but it could be more helpful to speak to your GP about it? Or how about accessing Beyond Blue more? etc, etc. Just recently, I started seeing a psychologist which is helping me a lot.

Very glad to hear your sons are doing well. I never got around to having kids but I reckon it would be one of, if not the best, experience! I also think a mother's work is hard enough and important enough to be at least as worthy as a regular job. Just call me Germaine lol!

I gave my friend your well wishes, she says "Thank you very much!" As you know she had surgery several months back. Then she had to spend another week in hospital due to complications but she is going great guns now.

My rugby league team has won 3 and lost 4 games so far this year which isn't too bad, I suppose. Grumble, grumble. I don't mind the AFL either though I don't watch it a lot. My team used to be Carlton when I was a lad. Do you have a team that you follow? And the boys? Is it the obvious one? lol.

Thanks heaps for your encouraging words about my upcoming visit to the Men's Shed. I am a bit nervous about it. I don't know if it will be the place for me but I want to go and have a look. It would certainly widen my social circle which is very small at present

Can I share a tea experience with you? Ha ha! Green Tea!!! Have you tried it? I find it very relaxing and it is good for the system too. A great alternative to coffee!

Well, mon ami, hope I haven't been overly serious or out of line here, I was just concerned about you and wanted to help.

Hope you and the boys are traveling well. Take care of yourselves.

All the Best Indra,

TMG

[Indra]

Hey G Man!

Firstly, thanks for the support mein freund - by no means there yet but working my way through it a day at a time. No, not overstepping by any means. I have just found in the past that my GP just wants to medicate me (I should be going woo hoo lol), but I can't. Mainly due to the fact that I need to be 100% switched on and alert with my boys, and that's where my responsiblility kicks in. I just need to find other outlets to vent, distract and chill (the last one is beyond funny!!)

Well Mr Greer - had never picked you as a feminist lol You're a worry haha Awesome news about your friend - glad she is crusing well now, always good to hear one someone has recovered well.

No we don't follow the obvious for AFL here - RIchmond and then Port Power lol Carlton - that's a bit of a shocker lol Miniman will start mini football soon - to learn skills and run around and burn off some energy! One can hope anyway!

Kick the nerves in the butt! You'll do well TMG - and hey if it isn't your thing, at least you can say that you have tried and tried something new too.

Blah - green tea lol I find it too bitter!! I am a slight conniseur of Twinings haha I like Russian Caravan and good old English breakfast, or if I lean towards herbal, definitely Peppermint. Thanks for the tip though - I should at least try and be polite haha

I have been doing some gardening when weather has permitted. Miniman enjoys helping, except with the weeding and I think anyone would bypass that one lol Apart from that just trying to drag myself through the day at times. I'm taking the good days with a smile and well, the bad ones.....

Hope you are taking care of yourself as well and as always appreciate the friendship and help!

Later,

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra

No probs with the support...you are most welcome!. That is a good point you make re: your boys, i.e. you needing to be mentally alert and 100% switched on. May I ask, just out of curiosity, Would you be on meds if it were practical? Please ignore this question if I'm being too personal!

So, you need other outlets to vent, distract and chill. I watch RBT and find it helps, lol. Something enjoyable about seeing others in strife? (just kidding). Also, what helps me is watching the footy, afternoon naps, coke (cola) and chippies and movies at night, music, would you believe studying!, time with friends...What about you? No time to chill??

Believe it or not, I have fought for women's rights since my youth lol. but never had a bra to burn. Haha! I remember reading Erica Jong's "Fear of Flying" when I was around 20 (trying to learn more about women you see) and it was a revelation! Always have been fascinated by the feminist perspective.

Good luck with Miniman's mini football. Sounds like a great past time for him. Tucker him out so you can rest a while! HaHa! Tell me, is it based on Aussie Rules?, Union? or Rugby League? or is it some combination of them?

Thanks a lot for your support! It turned out I wasn't that nervous on my visit to the Men's Shed. I just refused to worry. The Men's Shed centred around craft activities which isn't my strong suite BUT! there was fishing, computers and fundraising that I could possibly join in.

I like English Breakfast tea too! Very nice. Peppermint eh? I used to like chamomille - tres relaxant. Green tea IS bitter to taste, I just enjoy it's after effects. After a few cups there's this glow...What I do get into is the Lattes, and lately, after a hot day, an ice cold Mocha is unreal!

Must say I am a bit sad about Prince passing away. I've liked his music for years,...only 57. I remember getting his "Musicology" album 12 years ago now and how much I liked it. He had so many great songs/albums like "Purple Rain" and "Sign of The Times". A big loss but Wait! there is talk of there being new songs he left behind! "Prince Resurrection!"...lol.

Your gardening sounds down to earth lol. Weeding? I'm with Miniman, YUK!! In truth, my father used to spend hours in his yard removing unwanted plants (aka weeding!) He swore by gardening's therapeutical benefits which often led to an afternoon nap! which he also swore by.


Take care and all the Best. Here's to many more good days! Good luck Miniman!

TMG (G Man)