Dreams

[lookingforme]

I'm not entirely sure how apt a discussion this is for beyondblue, but in the spirit of communication and reaching out which is encouraged, I thought I would write post up, get a few opinions or thoughts.

I should say, I'm tired all the time, especially in the mornings, it's very hard to get out of bed and think about the day that I have to face.  I've always attributed this to the kinds of dreams I have - more like nightmares, really - and being an active sleeper, thus not feeling rested in the morning.  This is no matter how much sleep I get.

I get these really vivid dreams, and almost always they feel too real to me, that when I wake up it's hard to let go of the memory.  They can be traumatic and stay with me the whole day.  And if I'm not distracted enough, sometimes without thinking about it, I'm re-immersed in the dream, and I can picture myself in it all over again.  Like some kind of virtual reality.  And it can get so bad that I start getting anxious that when I get older all I'll remember are my dreams and none of my life.  I really don't want that.  The dreams can get so bad that I question if I'm awake or not when I am awake.  I guess that in itself should be a clue that I am awake, because I don't really question my reality in my dreams.  And sometimes, I just don't want to sleep, though I'm thoroughly exhausted, because of what I may dream - and this can make it worse possibly?

I've spoke to a GP and relaxation was recommended to me, but according to people I know, I don't really know how to get rest.

I'm just wondering if other people have this issue?  And if so, how they cope?

[Stasia]

Dreams represent stuff going around in our subconscious. One if the purposes of them is to keep stuff in our subconscious. If we have a nightmare it often means that the material that is trying to be kept in our subconscious is really something that needs to be addressed in the conscious. You could try going to see a counsellor that is happy to do dream analysis with you.

I used to experience pretty horrible dreams and I can say that analyzing them has really helped me!  

Also have you read hallucinations by Oliver sacks? It's a good read and talks about the similarities between dreams and hallucinations. What you're experiencing sounds like more than the average nightmare because of how vivid they seem to you and that you feel like you can be transported back into your dreams in waking hours. 

[lookingforme]

Hi, thanks for replying.

I was never sure about dream analysis, but I will take into consideration.

 I haven't read that book...so, am I actually asleep if they were to be hallucinations? I will look into that book

[Simona]

I know all about the vivid -

Sometimes i wake up with messages or songs i have never heard playing in my head like transistor radio.  And one time i woke up and as i came to facing the wall, a man's face emerged directly in front of mine. An off white colour same as the wall. He stared at me and i couldn't believe what i was seeing then he just pulled back into the wall.  Just like that.     He had no hair - it was so weird   : /

Another time i woke up but i was above my bed not in it.  That happened twice. The ceiling felt like static. 

Last night i couldn't sleep for ages again and when i finally fell asleep i had a very significant dream. That's why i pulled up this thread.  Usually i would tell mum but she's preoccupied with her very sick little dog and i don't want to make her worry more. 

I dreamt i was in a semi underground basement which had 1 rusty barred window looking out into the street.  I heard music playing.  I tried to look out and noticed  a marble keepsake box upon the ledge and so pulled it down.

It was a miniature tomb with someone's name etched upon it. It was hard to read because it looked terribly old and weather-worn. I prised the top open carefully and found it to be filled with dust and hair. So much dust just like when i empty the Dyson.  I put fingers in and feel around and then i detect things solid and find human teeth and I'm holding them in my palm and i realize that HE has never abandoned me.   That it was i who buried him and sealed HIM away in order to live.

The next thing i remember is being shown a gemstone and then i woke up.  So today I'm going to see if i can get this gemstone based on the colour. I'm not really sure what it's called but I think I'm supposed to place it in my pillow slip.

[Simona]

Turquoise

[lookingforme]

Hey Simona,

 Glad to know that I'm not the only one.

There was this one time I was sure I closed my eyes for a second, it felt so quick to happen, I closed my eyes and I saw this bald man with two intense eyes. He was snarling at me and leaning in closer and he started picking away at his skin on his forehead, and he started peeling it back to reveal a third eye. I couldn't get that out of my mind for a few hours.

and another time, everytime I closed my eyes, it seemed, i kept seeing this man with a mask. It was falling apart so a lot of it was in shadow. The only way I could get that out of my head was drawing it out.

Not a lot of people that I know understand this plight so I can't usually repeat it anywhere

[Simona]

Hello : )

Wow such similarity. 

What I have noticed with myself though; the less sleep I have the more vivid dreams, more OBE's I have.  Most recent one I was dreaming I was flying again. This one was few months ago so I don't have them that often.

I flew  over the house.  Not much of a feat but to wake up hyped and smiling ear to ear can't be too bad a way to start the day.

I can seriously lie down and virtually feel myself falling and sometimes just before that - hear this incredible roaring in my head.     I must admit when that happens I am seriously sleep deprived after having been on 3 day manic benders.

I used to write down all my dreams and once upon a time - the same character would feature in the one dream : which always fell on fridays.    This person I had never met or heard of .  'HE" just came to me and he would show me things and tell me things and i remember them all.   I kind of like to think of him as my guardian of sorts but my mum calls him the "little person" which makes me wince.  Like - "How is the little person these days"?

Oh mum : /

[Simona]

Last dream I can remember was 2 days ago.   It was a very 'blank' dream.  My eyes were drifting over my manifesto (my unfinished semi-autobiography) and a strong voice in my head boomed " This is not you. This is not your story"

I don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes the I in the I AM feels impossibly small

[lookingforme]

I was just thinking that...

 something's been bugging me under the surface for days. I couldn't think of what it was...I'm getting my life on a healthier track physically, I've made plans, I've made life decisions. All relatively big for me...

 And then this morning I realised; in my head I dream big. They just float around in there. And my reality is so small...and I feel small. And right now, I can't change it.

I am supremely sorry that I can't make you feel better. I know how that feels and it sucks...

[Simona]

Well I fell back to sleep after 5am and I dreamt I was visting a prison. I was standing in the mail-room in front of all these wooden pigeon holes with each inmate's name above and I came to a box with my name above it and it was stuffed with all these letters I had written to myself.  

You know, years ago I used to write to many many people across Australia and the world. Some good decent people who wrote to me of holidays and amazing places and some people who had done bad things to others or had bad things done to them and they were feeling the hurt.  And some sent me beautiful drawings too and sometimes a photo.

I wrote to many inmates also and shared with them my peculiar slanted view of life and that one does not necessarily need to be surrounded by grey cement blocks and cyclone wire to feel imprisoned