Worried about the future

[Slippers]

I live with my elderly mother I am here carer. Once she dies I will need to leave the house. I haven't lived out of home before and I worry what will happen to me in the future. I don't have a lot of money saved, I do have a full time job however. I don't seem to be living at the moment, more existing worried about the inevitable fate of my mum. I worry about my future, I don't have the skill set to live on my own or somewhere to live once Mum dies. I am new to this forum so I apologize if Ive put this in the wrong area.
I would like some advice on how to tackle my future, obviously people have moved out of home and been really happy in live, i just don't see my in that position.

[blondguy]

Hello Slippers

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for a part of Beyond Blue

I partially understand your situation as my elderly mum (88) lives nearby and I try to help out where I can even though I have my own place. I find it exhausting being a part time devoted carer...not to mention full time

No apologies necessary about where you have posted. You are in the right place 🙂

Can I ask if you have a even a small support network (a person or two that you can lean of for support) at the moment?

The forums are a secure and non judgemental place for you to post Slippers. You are a legend for looking after you mother as well as you have. I understand that feeling about 'existing' Slippers. I have had anxiety/depression for a while now and also feel the same

you are not alone

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Slippers~

I'd like to join Paul in welcoming you here to the Forum, it's a good place to come to. I think that the fact you came here shows a practical side to your nature.

I'm sorry your mother may not be in the best of health and really have to admire you for being her carer. Caring is no trivial thing, it takes an awful lot of energy, patience, hard work and determination to keep on.

In passing I have to wonder how you could not have the skill-set needed to live in new situation, I'd be pretty certain as a carer you do. It would be something strange - true, but only strange, not impossible.

Having a job makes a world of difference, financial matters are not quite so pressing and their is mental occupation, and maybe satisfaction and friendships.

One of the things I found out about myself when my partner had a terminal illness was I worried about some sensible things, and some that were not, the garden being one, traveling alone another. My judgment was all over the place. I would not be surprised if being overly concerned about a place to live and how you will get on there might be one of those. Grief, even in anticipation, has funny effects.

Finding somewhere to live might take planing, knowing in advance rents and areas, things like that. If there is a carer's support group in your area I'd suggest you join it (our 24/7 Help line - number top of page - may be able to assist )

I's also like to ask, as Paul has, if you have family or friends to lend you support?

Croix

[White_Rose]

Hello Slippers

Welcome. I am sorry to hear about your mom. While we all know about death it is hard when someone we love does pass away.

On a practical note, may I ask if the home belongs to your mom or is it rented. Is it possible for you to take over the lease if mom passes away? Sorry if this is a silly question, just thought I would float the question. Heaps of benefits to staying in the house.

Can you visit a real estate agate agent or two in the coming weeks? Get an idea of where to look for accommodation if my previous comment does not apply. Also see what you can get for the rent you can afford. Sometime home owners have built a granny flat for a parent who has since passed away. Rent for this accommodation would be cheaper than for a house and probably suit you better. A question for your real estate person.

As Croix has said, maybe your carers group may know of a vacant property. It's surprising what you can find when you look.

I wonder if your mom's illness has made you more anxious and therefore more concerned about your ability to cope on your own. If you have been caring for mom you must have an idea of the usual home chores and be able to cook. If you are uncertain of your cooking skills can you join a class for lessons? That may give you more confidence and also a bit more social life. I have to admit cooking is not one of my favourite jobs but I do a reasonable job. As I am cooking for myself (I live alone) I want something tasty and have not been a fan of takeaways, or at least not often. My last takeaway went out to the birds and even they would not eat it.

May I suggest you write a list of the skills you have in your home. Also a list of where you think you need to learn. It's often surprising to realise you can wash the dishes, sweep the floor, wash clothes and cook a basic meal. That's all there is to managing a home. Oh yes, you need to pay bills as well.

How about you decide what you cannot do and tell us about it. We can then give you some pointers. Try the cooking class. They are usually fun and you go home with a great meal.

Mary

[Slippers]

I have 3 sisters, once mum does die the money from the selling of the house it split between the four of us, Mum does own the house. The money from the house wouldnt be enough for me to get something of my own. I have spoken to one of my sisters and she said that they have a spare room that I could live in. But in saying that I am still worried, since I dont know how long that would last, maybe my sister would kick me out of her home. I have a few mates, but I wouldnt ask them to move in with them; one of my close friends knows whats going on, and understands my concerns, he told me he knows me better than I know myself. My fear is also that once Mum dies that I would be alone in the big ugly world. I dont want to rely on my sisters in case that does work out in the long run. I can cook I have basic skills in cooking. At one stage I could honestly say I could burn water

[Slippers]

Thank you for all your advice, I have been slow on replies, I have been trying to take charge of my situation.
I do have some positive things in my life, I have a full time job and I own my own car. I do wish I could meet a girl that would like me for me. I do wish I could win the lotto so any thought of money worries would be instantly fixed. I do wish I had my own home, so I wouldnt have to worry about the future.

I do wish I didnt worry about the future and beat myself up mentally, simple because I am no better off beating myself up or stressing on the unknown future...

[White_Rose]

Hello Slipper

Thanks for your reply. Time gets away with all of us so please do not worry about immediate replies. When you are ready is time enough. May I ask if you are male or female? I have been presuming you are female for no good reason other than you are your mother's carer. My apologies for making a wrong assumption.

You are right about not beating yourself up but it's easier said than done. There are so many events in my life that I would like to go back and change but I cannot and I have to live with the hurt they entail. And like you I would love to win lotto but it's not likely.

While the sale of your mom's house would not allow you to buy a house would it be sufficient for a deposit. You have a full time job so perhaps you can afford the mortgage repayments. Perhaps you can look around for a small unit which may be cheaper than a house. Have a good chat with someone from a real estate office. Staying with your sister after mom dies and while her home gets sold would be probably be OK. You can then make plans for the future.

One suggestion I have is seeing your GP. You seem to have a great deal of anxiety and while it is understandable it appears to cause you more concern that the situation may warrant. Have a chat to your GP because these people can help you to manage your anxiety and I think you will be able to find solutions to your situation more easily.

Write in here whenever you want to chat.

Mary