Work related Anxiety

FluffyBunny098 · ‎27-07-2020

Hi everyone, this is my first post and first time reaching out to anyone. I'm working a job where occasionally the clientele trigger some of my past traumas and anxiety in relation to my previous relationship where I experienced domestic violence and emotional and verbal abuse for around 10 or so years. Recently, I have been able to compartmentalize and cope with this area of the job when it arises.
My issue currently is constant worry and anxiety related to co-workers behaviours. The working environment amongst staff has become fairly toxic the last several months and I'm struggling more every day to tolerate it. Every part of me wants to walk away from this job and throw in the towel. The affect its having on my mental health is affecting me as a person, as a parent, and as a partner. My fiance is loving and supportive and has not once complained, always been there for me to vent and cry with. But I'm becoming sick of myself. I'm sick of feeling like a half arsed parent and partner because this job is draining every part of my soul. I have to hang in there a while longer for several reasons. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips to help tolerate an impossible workplace full of petty drama.

Gambit87 · ‎27-07-2020

Hi FluffyBunny098,

Welcome to the forums! Thank you for reaching out!

I'm sorry your job is triggering you! Your workplace sounds really brutal! Its no wonder you feel they way you do. I know what that 'wanting to throw in the towel' feeling feels like!

I don't have the same issues with my workplace as you do but I think our end goals are the same? My biggest problem with my workplace is that I've been in the job 10 years and I'm pretty much in the same position as when I first started. I've moved sideways a few times (different teams, but doing the same thing and same job title) but ive never been promoted. A dead end job is an understatement. I get constant headaches, my stomach would feel weird and I just feel uncomfortable.

My job 'used' to make me feel hopeless, demoralized, worthless and trapped, I couldn't see a way out. I say used to because I started seeing a psychologist and the topic of work came up and we talk and work though the feelings (easier said then done of course). The phrase 'You may not be where you want to be, but this is not your final destination' really sticks with me.

My goal (Like you) is to quit and move on. We may not be able to do it straight away but it will happen!

Petty drama is a tough one because you cant escape it! I encourage you to speak to a friend/family? just talking about it can be a relief. If your getting triggered aswell, maybe a psychologist?

These forums are a great place to vent if you need to!

I hope I've been some help!

all the best

Blake_S · ‎30-07-2020

Hi FluffyBunny098,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, and thank you for having the courage to post and let us know about what has been going on for you.

I am so sorry to hear about the toxic work environment, and trauma triggers that you are coping within your job. It sounds like an extremely distressing and overwhelming situation to navigate, and now it is impacting your overall mental health and who you are as a person. I am glad to hear that you have great support with your fiancé and that they are there for you to express your emotions.

I hear you say that this job is draining every part of your soul, but you can't leave just yet for certain reasons. I was wondering how much longer will you have to stay? I ask, because your job is having a negative toll on your life, and I am concerned because a workplace shouldn’t make you feel this way. How are you tolerating the toxic work environment at the moment? Maybe we can work together to build upon some of your strengths to make the workplace tolerable until you're in a position where you can consider leaving.

I also want to say well done for reaching out for help, it is not an easy step to take to say you need some support. We are all so glad that you decided to take that step. Please use the forums as a place to express your feelings.

Hope to hear back from you,
Blake_S :)