Work, anxiety… wanting advice please

[Nervybella]

Hi all

I feel like every time I post here it’s a work related issue for me. I’m starting to see a pattern…

anyway, I started a new job around one month ago now. It’s in a brand new field so all new to me. The company is amazing, it’s a great culture with great people.. the only thing is I don’t know if the role itself is right for me

I’m only touching on the tip of the iceberg with the role as I’m still new but already I feel out of my depth. I can see myself getting burnt out in the future as the job requires some big hours and a lot of work!
I don’t know what to do as I feel like this is the perfect organisation and culture for me to work in, but the role itself perhaps isn’t

I come home and my brain can’t switch off, I’m doubting myself and have lost my appetite due to the anxiety

I’d love some advice as I’m just feeling very confused and my anxiety has been bad lately with thoughts running wild!

best, Bella

[Pumpkinella]

Thanks so much for sharing Bella. I too had this experience, fantastic organisation, friendly people but the job was a nightmare.

I know the dilemma – ‘Is this just me panicking and I need to give it time OR is this role excessively difficult and will lead to me crying in the work toilets every day?’

It’s hard to gauge. The best thing I did was speaking to my manager. I told him about the anxiety I was experiencing and the specific aspects of the role that worried me. If they have a great culture they should respond with empathy, support and understanding. If they do not - you have your answer.

It also really helps with anxiety. Suddenly you are not suffering in silence - instead, your employer knows how you feel and will support you. It can be hard making that first move, you might think ‘I sounded really confident in the interview.’ In reality we all put our best foot forward in interviews and experiencing anxiety when starting a new role (ESPECIALLY a really demanding one) is completely normal. You are simply telling your manager what you are experiencing and what support you may need. Managers help with this stuff ALL the time, so you are not doing anything out of the ordinary. They will actually appreciate it, they would rather be given the opportunity to address the issue.

That’s what happened in my experience. My employer, however, despite making promises and being warm and empathetic, did not deliver on the supports. So, knowing that I had done what I could to correct the situation, I resigned. Was it sad leaving people that I got on with so well? Sure, but nice people just can’t compensate for my serious anxiety and poor health - so in the end - I mostly felt relieved.

Overall, it’s so important to put your health first. If that means you need to resign at some point, then that’s okay. Even though it feels like an office as good as this will NEVER come along again, it’s not true – there are always new opportunities.

I would also recommend talking to a psychologist or counsellor if you don’t already have one. Remember they are there for any kind of dilemma or issue. It could just be one session but might really help clarify things for you and help you sort out a plan of action!

Just a side note – work can be a really stressful place so it may not be that unusual that your anxiety is triggered in work environments. That’s why we all want to retire already! Lol.

Hope this helps 🙂

[Amanda2000]

Hi Bella,

I know what you mean about not being able to switch off. Going to the office is not so bad for me because once I leave the office, the change of environment to home disengages my work-mode. However working-from-home is not the same - once I'm switched-on, I cannot switch off. I cannot enjoy my evenings at all. I want to watch tv but I just cannot relax at all. My head is in a mess with stupid thoughts all over the place. My mind is wandering. I cannot focus on what I'm watching.

On my workdays I just live with the misery. I try to use work as a distraction. But on my days-off, I make sure I stay away from anything work-related. I don't answer the phone. I don't switch on the computer. I try to completely disengage to give myself a break. Maybe give this a try!

Take care.

[Nervybella]

Hi Natalie and Amanda

thank you for your responses! I am actually booked in for a session with a counsellor through a workplace assistance program tonight. I’ve never done that before so that’ll be interesting to see how that goes

Natalie - did you end up finding another great place to work? How’s everything going for you now?

Amanda, thank you for the tips! And I totally know what you mean about not being able to focus during the evenings. Sadly I do that as well and even on sundays from about lunch time onwards my brain just flicks over to work and anxiety mode. It’s a real bummer

[Gambit87]

Hi Nervybella,

I was talking to my psychologist about a very similar experience to yours! and we talked about imposter syndrome. Doubting your abilities, your worth feeling like you don't belong.

You wouldn't have got the job if your employer didn't think you were capable.

Whats helped me get through the doubt is acceptance. Accept your worth it, accept your capable, accept its going to take time to learn the ropes of the new job, accept that people think highly of you!

All the best!

[Amanda2000]

Hi Bella,

Here we are - Monday again! Just wondering how you're doing? How did you go in the session with your workplace assistance program?

[Nervybella]

Hi Amanda

Thanks for reaching out!
I spent the weekend having a really good think about what I want from my job, what I like, what I don’t like. I’m starting to formulate a better understanding for myself but still struggling on how to approach this and how much to share with my boss

the call with the employees assistance program was unfortunately barely beneficial. While the woman was very friendly she just spent 30 mins doing a breathing exercise with me. What I really wanted was to talk it through and get advice

how are you going today Amanda?

[Amanda2000]

Hi Bella,

Great to hear from you.

Oh weekends are the worst for me. I've just updated my thread "too overwhlemed". Please have a read.

My work has also subscribed to EAP. It's probably the same one as yours. Although the contents discussed are confidential, the employer does get the name of the employee. I wasn't comfortable with that.

If you want to talk things through, maybe you should try seeing a psychologist. You can always stop after the first session if you find it's not helping.

[Nervybella]

Hi Amanda

I looked into the privacy of the eap before signing up. The way this one works is that my employer is given data and shown bookings for the number of people using the system but it has names and identifying info taken off. Basically they’re sent the bill after the phone call

I have thought about seeing a psychologist again however my previous experience was similar in that they did a lot of breathing, visualising exercises rather than really talking and getting to the root cause. Maybe I need a counsellor instead of a psychologist??

[Pumpkinella]

Hi Nervybella,

Sorry I only just saw your message from ages ago. How are you going at work now?

For me - I did find a job where I felt more comfortable and now I'm v. happy there. There were still challenges (there are in every new role) but from my past experience with the other place and a little more support for my organisation this time around, I was able to get through it relatively unscathed.