Hi everyone. I am 35. I first developed panic attacks when I was 14. I think back then I was put on my 1st med. My panic attacks continued on and off for years. At some point I changed medication to my 2nd med. When I was 25 things got a lot better. I got a new job, new relationship and for the first time in my life my panic attacks disappeared. I decided I no longer wanted to be on medication. About 6 months after being off my life spiralled back out of control and I went back on my 2nd med.
A few years later I stared getting side effects I believed were from the medication. I switched over to my 3rd med. Since then everything has gone downhill. I developed neurological symptoms (weakened legs, difficulty walking, tingling, nerve pain) have had MRIs done which show small areas of abnormality (T2 Flair) but neurologists do not believe I have MS, but have diagnosed me with Functional Neurological Disorder.
Following that diagnosis I was put on my 4th med and switched to from my 3rd med. 5 weeks after being on my 5th med I began feeling strange, spaced out, having episodes of depersonalisation and derealisation. I went back to doc and said I wanted off this med. Little did I know it is one of the worst to get off. I decided I wanted off all meds, having been on for so long I don’t know what’s causing symptoms anymore, me or the meds.
We decided to start with the 5th med. I was only on the lowest dose, so my doc took me off cold turkey. I have my 6th medwhich she said to take if things get really bad. The first week off was difficult, physical symptoms, mostly brain zaps. But I am now into the second week and the mental side effects seem to be escalating. I am living in a constant state of fear. I have intrusive thoughts, which I’ve never had before. I am terrified of these thoughts. I feel out of it all the time. I wake up in a state of panic. My brain feels ‘wrong’ I am not sure how to describe it. I am irritable but it is mostly the fear that is taking over. I want to go sit in a corner somewhere, like that will be the only place I feel safe. Even though I have my 6st med, I barely take it as I am terrified I will get addicted to it and don’t want another problem.
I go back to my doctor next week. My mind is torn between maybe having to go back on meds (not my 5th med or or my 2nd med) or trying to stick this out. But I am terrified that maybe this is just me now. Does anyone else have experience from withdrawing?
