hi all,
i recently started a new job after a horrible experience at a previous workplace. im 15, nearly 16, and was so excited to finally make some money after a few months off due to COVID-19. the people there are so lovely and all very chill, but i noticed that after my first shift i was getting extreme stomach aches days before my next shift. at the time i didn’t know why, but all i knew is that it was followed by shakiness and feeling light headed.
i am usually known for having a bright bubbly personality, always seeing things on the bright side, but since i had started the job i felt a lot less bright and was really struggling to gain any motivation and would instead dwell on these stomach aches, until i finally told my mum.
for a bit of backstory, my family has a history of depression and anxiety so my parents are very proactive when it comes to their kids mental health and well-being.
my stomach aches, shakiness and light headedness quickly turned into panics before work which would leave me in tears. i dreaded going into work even though it was twice a week for 8 hours all up.
i tried to push through and make it through shifts and build up confidence to go into work, but it ended up being way to panic inducing, so i ultimately came to the conclusion that i should resign until i have my panic attacks and anxiety surrounding working under control.
the anxiety started off being based on how poorly i was treated at my pervious job, but over a few weeks i started feeling more and more anxious about more and more things. this was when my parents really started to notice my change in personality, how i stopped doing simple tasks like cleaning my room.
i am consistently tired and have a feeling of dullness all the time. i haven’t sincerely felt happy in 2 months. i feel as though there is nothing ahead of me, just the same numbness forever until i die, which makes me feel very content with death, not bothered at all if i do die.
i am booked for a psych appointment in feb, but time feels like it’s dragging slowly and i haven’t had a decent sleep in weeks. asleep by 3 am, awake by 7, drowsy until 12, calm/dull until night. it’s an endless cycle that i can’t seem to kick.
i never knew this would be so hard to cope with, is this what’s to be expected or am i just sensitive?
geez posting this lifts a whole weight off my shoulders, even if no one sees it.
