Hey everyone, 21, female here.
I’m not suicidal, but my motivation for life drops by the day for the most part. The dates roll by, but I feel like I’m at a standstill; I can’t escape my mind. Endlessly anxious over catastrophic scenarios constructed in my imagination. I feel hideous and hopeless, and I’m afraid to get help. Feeling trapped inside my body. I used to cope with drugs but I’ve quit for a few weeks now.
I used my imagination to cope as a child, considering I was so isolated, due to my auditory processing disorder, along with growing up with an autistic sister and absent, unpredictable, emotionally immature father. I’ve somewhat lived my life on autopilot. I never really felt as if I fit in. I was too odd, I was excluded and people gossiped about how weird I am. Nowadays it’s a lot better though.
I’ve had narcissistic abuse too, as of late, though it’s been several months since I’ve cut contact. Done with her entitled, insecure self and her stupid, jealous, violent boyfriend. Since the I’ve put weight on, my legs make me self conscious and I have acne scars from picking my face. I used to get big scabs one my face from picking so much.
