Tired of the struggle and want to talk with people that understand

Perkin · ‎03-01-2014

Hi everyone. I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest memories is being at primary school and thinking about suicide. But at the same time realising that it could be my toxic home environment that was making me feel this way. I decided that I owed it to myself to try and live a good life but couldn't see that happening until I reached adulthood and moved out of home so I just had to bear things as well as I could. By the time I moved out of home the physical symptoms brought on by the anxiety were pretty bad. Chronic pain and insomnia were the worst so although I was right and I could take more control of my life and happiness I spent a lot of time nursing myself back to health and could only just manage a part time job.

On the positive side I've come a long way since then. Getting over the chronic pain was the biggest thing. I'm actually very proud of myself, I've had two children and the migranes I had on a fourtnightely basis were actually not that far off the pain of being in labor. Plus I was in some sort of pain constantly and couldn't sleep. So instead of berating myself for having trouble holding down a job or for not doing very well at school I now think well done to me for just putting one foot in front of the other for so long.

I'm now at a point in my life where I feel like I'm emerging from a fog. I can see people interacting all around me when I leave the house but it makes me feel very anxious and isolated because I don't know how to talk to them even though I feel strong enough to give it a try. I also had my second child three weeks ago so I'm feeling quite tired, emotional and fragile. I realize this is normal. I've come to this forum because I'd like to reach out to people that understand how crippling and draining anxiety can be because I feel that most people either don't understand or have trouble acknowledging it which makes me feel very alone. My partner is a lovely guy but just doesn't understand and after much effort I have some people I can call friends, but they are not close friends who I feel I can talk to or who I feel understand me.

Pixie15 · ‎04-01-2014

Hi Perkin,

Have you thought of trying to find a support group.You could check out your local community center, women's health center or speak to the nurse next time you take your child for a health check to find out what is available in your area.

Peace,

Daisy.

Mbuna · ‎05-01-2014

Hey Perkin,

I'm sure there are many people on this forum who can relate to the crippling effects of anxiety and depression. I know I can relate. Thank you for reaching out. You may not find all the answers here but you will definitely be talking to people who understand you. If you have recently had a second child and are feeling down, then go see your GP. You may be suffering some baby blues. It wont hurt to get things checked out. If your husband has not suffered from the condition, then he will find it hard to understand. At least he is supportive. You are very lucky because a lot of partners are not. I also agree 100% with everything daisy has suggested above. Keep posting. We definitely understand you.

Mbuna

Perkin · ‎08-01-2014

Hi Daisy and Mbuna, thanks for your replies. Feeling worse now and I am starting to wonder if it's baby blues. I stopped taking my antidepressant when I wanted to get pregnant and I handled life without it better than I thought I would. But if I'm not feeling better soon I will go to my GP. I would also like to go to a support group but it's hard to find one that's local and at the right time but in time I'll probably find something. I thought I'd use this forum as a substitute for a support group for now,

Neil_1 · ‎09-01-2014

Hi Perkin

Good on you for coming on here and also let me congratulate you on the birth (only recently) of your 2nd child. I also agree with your very initial post where you are damn right to congratulate yourself with what you’ve achieved despite having issues and troubles (and pain) to deal with for so long. They are massive steps you’ve taken and I hope you don’t ever forget that.

And please yes, come on here and post away … from this site, I get the feel that we’re a small community of like-minded people all sharing largely the same issues and from that, you are going to find some absolutely wonderful people on here who genuinely care for the person who comes on here and posts and they provide support and advice.

But you know, perhaps you should try and talk to one of your friends who you think might be able to help you … or at least be a sounding board for you, in times of need for you. That can really be helpful as well.

Judging from your last post, I really think that you should get yourself off to your GP. And list out all that’s been happening to you of late … I think it important now to try and get some professional help. Just on that (if both you and your partner are agreeable), perhaps it might be a good idea for your partner to go along with you? He might be able to learn a bit more about how you’re going and he might be able to pick up some possible useful tips so that he might be able to assist you.

Kind regards

Neil

Perkin · ‎13-01-2014

Hi Neil yes I think you are right about talking to my GP. I'm feeling better but not 100%. The thing is that I don't want to medicate the normal ups and downs of life. I want to give myself a chance to deal with it. Talking with friends is a good idea but that's a problem for me. Making and sustaining friendships is something that has remained elusive to me despite all my progress. I know a few people but I'm not sure if the friendship is at a stage where I can talk about mental health.

sunshine_darkness · ‎16-01-2014

Hi Perkin,

I have only just found a friend in the last 2 years that finally understands and can listen and support me where I am at and I will be 40 this year. I have tried to deal with my depression and anxiety since childhood also on my own. I was bullied through school and my friends didn't want to know me. There was obviously a reason these girls picked on me right? So maybe it was not cool to be friends with someone that got bullied.

my friend now has mental issues of her own and is on meds too. We text each other daily and try to cheer each other up or listen. We have humorous ways of letting each other know the scale of how we feel today. More like code.

Dark and foggy with little chance of sunshine with a high of 4. : )

I hope a trip to the dr can help, I understand the bit about medicating but maybe what you need til you get strong. Then see a naturopath for some natural ways of keeping on top of it.

I am so up and down I struggle to keep a routine.

I hope you feel better soon. Well done on 1 foot forward every day! Baby steps! 🙂

sunshine_darkness

Perkin · ‎17-01-2014

Hi sunshine_darkness, I wonder if there are a lot of people who have heaps of friends but not one real friend. Then sometime in their30s or 40s they start to wonder why they feel so miserable. Just a thought.