Struggling to keep it together

M2B · ‎07-03-2017

Hi everyone

I hate talking about this stuff as I feel very vulnerable. I have so much going on in my head but so I don't exactly know where to start. I've felt this way most of my life but got better once I moved out of home (14 years ago). I love my family but it is almost taboo to talk about feelings and show emotion other than happiness (but not excitement). I know I have anxiety and am pretty sure have had depression on and off (if that's even a thing), I wouldn't say it's server though. I did get diagnosed with PND after having my first son and did counselling for a while but ended up stopping as i was feeling better. This was a few years ago now.

I basically just want to hear from people in similar situations. I know I haven't really explained my situation well. I just don't really know what to say. I snap a lot and am frustrated and irritated a lot, I am overly emotional at things that have nothing to do with me (like when watching a movie) but when these things happen to me, I don't seem to feel much. Sometimes when I am feeling something, I don't understand what it is i'm feeling. I don't know why I am feeling a certain way or what triggered it. The birth of my 2 children, I didn't cry. They handed them to me and I just felt relief it was over. When I married my husband, I just wanted it to be over and couldn't concentrate on anything that day as I just wanted to be out of the lime light. But then I will cry for no reason and for example when I saw my sick grandparents who were really sick, I just wanted to get away from them. I just don't think I could handle the emotion and even more so I don't want anyone to see me get emotional.

As I said earlier, we weren't aloud to show emotion when we were kids so I think I struggle with it now. I do want to run away from situation's when they bring up emotion and get flustered very easily. My parents talk about this stuff with such negativity, saying things like "their not right in the head" (even though my mum suffers from anxiety which no one ever talks about) and they definitely do not know how I feel or how I have ever felt as I have and never will tell them. I always put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine.

Anyway, I know this is getting long, I just find myself struggling more now to put on a happy face. I'm always snapping at my husband and kids and always feel stressed about something. Would just love to hear how other people have coped with this stuff.

white knight · ‎07-03-2017

Hi M2B, welcome

We cannot diagnose as we are usually sufferers or carers here. However, we can often see things that we have experienced in the past that ring alarm bells. You come under that concern.

A proper diagnosis is crutial. In fact two opinions if possible. I went 6 years on the wrong meds as I had an incorrect diagnosis. That aside after the right diagnosis I got the right meds and life was totally different in a clearer head, less emotion and a smile more often. Treatment can work and it really gets a bad wrap IMO.

Not having emotion is the opposite to me and likely many other people. This is why I recommend qualified medical persons for you to contact.

What I'd like to centre on from a sufferers viewpoint is your family atmosphere of not showing mental restrictions and degrading others as they "aren't right in the head". This is wrong and it would be a stumbling block for you however, it isn't up to others to "change" them. Influence them maybe but if you google the following thread you will see why it is a dilemma.

Topic: the just wont understand-why?- beyondblue

The other thing is to realise that many people just need a helping hand be it by meds, environment or workplace change, getting rid of trouble makers and better diet and exercise. Google

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

So here we enjoy posters returning when they feel they want to ask more questions. Feel free.

Tony WK

blondguy · ‎07-03-2017

Hello M2B

Welcome to the forums and well done for having the strength to reach out too!

I think you are amazing by talking about whats been happening!

You mentioned: "My parents talk about this stuff with such negativity, saying things
like "their not right in the head" (even though my mum suffers from
anxiety which no one ever talks about)"

Its sad that your parents still think that anxiety/depression is Taboo and seen as a type of weakness. They dont see that a person with a mental health issue is actually an incredibly strong individual. Its hard when our brain has its own direction and we are trying to cope with day to day life let alone having a reasonable quality of life

Anxiety and depression are also partially chemically based (and genetically) which makes it the same as a physical illness. People (including some parents) just cant see the crutches we use to get through life

Ive had chronic anxiety which morphed into depression for a long time.

The good news is anxiety symptoms do decrease in severity of time with super regular therapy and if your GP deems necessary the appropriate medication to you can have a platform on which you can build your recovery

Even if you have a good GP and see them regularly you will find some peace of mind.

Try booking a double appointment so you can have a really good vent. Even if you copy this thread and take it in with you it may lessen the stress 🙂 GP's have much better training on anxiety/depression than when I went through it.

There are many kind people like yourself that suffer similar symptoms and variable levels of depression that can be here for you M2B

I really hope you can stick around the forums. You are an achiever

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

M2B · ‎08-03-2017

Thank you for your advise and support. It means a lot. I think it's time for me to go see the doctor about counselling again.

M2B · ‎08-03-2017

Thank you for your support and google search ideas. I will definitely look them up

Guest_829 · ‎09-03-2017

i found a lot of familiar things in your post about how another generation dont understand what you are going through,or how they might think its all a nonsense.because us lot are too sensative and have had it easy..and so on.friends of mine are trying to help their adult daughter with her mental health problems.they've tried all kinds of doctors and specialists and they've read some books and gone online.and sometimes they think their to blame and they might have caused her problems by the way they raised her.their parents are the kind of parents who dismiss everyone with issues.they werent affectionate or touchy and they sure didnt hug.so these friends of mine raised their kids differantly,with lots of love and attention and hugging,the stuff they were lacking.this,is what they now blame themselves for.this,they think,is why their daughter is having these self destructive thoughts,having a terrible time with everything and cant see the good in anything.they spoilt her they think.some how they damaged her with too much affection.talking to them i think they have their own issues to deal with.its a inter-generational thing with some families i think.its too hard to put into the adequate words just how its affecting you.and its hard to get that across to some people because its not on the skin like a burn,cut,or wound where its right there for all to see.its hard to convince some people theres an invisible problem going on with in,because you cant show them,and you dont have the words to describe it enough.i know a few people having problems with ageing parents,stuck at home adult kids,unsympathetic partners..i wonder if this misunderstanding is as common as i think it is

Jenny1980 · ‎12-03-2017

Hi!

Well done for coming here and you have such insight into your issues I think you have a really good start. I think you have never been tought your emotional language. And now all emotions feel a bit scary.

Counselling to 'get in touch' with your emotions would help.

on the baby thing though I am highly emotional and when my babies were born I didn't cry or feel a flood of love. I was tired. I felt numb and didn't immediately feel a connection. It came soon after and was fine but just after birth I was not all that interested! I think this is more common than people talk about because it's 'supposed' to be a certain way.

Also have a look or google 'emotional window of tolerance'. If your childhood did not teach you have to cope with strong emotions you likely have a 'small window of tolerance'. So anything that is stronger or outside your window feel unconfortable and scary. You will either 1) have panic 2) shut down 3) flee the situation.

there are many ways to increase your window of tolerance, a therapist should be able to help with this.

good luck! I think it will all be ok, you've made a good start!