Time i started being more social

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Hi People

Its cold and raining here in Perth, some summer hey, anyway thought id put some more thoughts out there. As per my Social Phobia my social life suffers because of it, and even though ive found ways to control my fears though Beta blockers to relax me, ive learned not to put myself in situations that could cause panic. The positive is i dont really get panic attacks anymore, the negative is my social life is pretty dead.

To put it into perspective, my fears restrict alot of my life. I dont go to dinner parties where i dont know anyone, yet ill go to dinner at a restaurant if its someone i know. I push girls that i meet away before they know my fears. Ive never travelled, as in never been on a plane, never been out of Western Australia, and thats sad i think, cos theres a big world out there to explore, and ive not seen any of it. Reason is i might be in another country at airport or something and have to fill out paperwork.

Ive never had trouble making friends so ive always got someone to see if i want, but i spose i just got so adjusted to my safety zone i dont step out of it. My life consists of working 6 days a week training 6 days a week, then Saturday night and Sunday i just stay home and do nothing, where i should be getting out in the world. I also feel that being in my early forti4es now, my life is being wasted. All my friends know about my phobia and are understanding, but they are all normal in the scheme of things, and dont let stuff hold them back

This is why i like it here, because im not being judged and weve all got some kind of issues in life. Anyway just a Sunday arvo vent.

Have a good week ppl

CK

[CMF]

Hi there CK,

Good to see you getting into the forums and sharing your thoughts. Isn't this a great place to come to. I'm surprised to hear it is raining in WA. My son has headed over there with his dad for a few days and said it was going to be 37 degrees. I think it's pretty normal to avoid situations where your panic/anxiety may set in. So you will go to a dinner with someone you know. What if your friend brings 1 friend you haven't met? That way you are not stuck on a room full of strangers but just slowly building up to being around people you don't know. You mention travel and other countries. How about visiting another state for starters. There are many beautiful sights in our own country. If you were to go overseas could you take a beta blocker before you need to go to an airport?

Saturdays and Sundays...how about just going to a movie or out for a coffee or bite to eat with a few friends? doesn't have to be a big noisy club or bar (which gives me anxiety). Just something low key. Or how about having friends over for dinner or a card night? What about bowling? Do your friends go out and do they invite you? What do they do on weekends? Are your friends male and female. As far as pushing girls away i think i mentioned on your first thread that when you met the right one you will know and will be comfortable enough sharing your fear. Your 40 something, you still have plenty of time to do things and the fact that you are thinking about them now tells me that maybe you are ready to branch out and try. Just a bit at a time, there is no pressure or hurry, at your own pace. Maybe start a small list or what you would like to do and tackle them one by one?

Always nice to hear from you.

Baby Steps

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Hi Baby Steps

Your posts always seem to make alot of sense, im glad i found BYB. I am thinking of going interstate just to get my feet wet and see where that takes me in life. When i was in my twenties i used to party all the time, was never lonely as i was always out chasing women with friends and just having a ball. Then though life gets in the way, i brought a home, and gave up all the other stuff i was doing and just decided to get healthy. I would never go back to that lifestyle, i spose it was a good time in my life, dont get me wrong i like my life and am glad of what ive achieved, just be nice to share it with someone.

Is it selfish for me to want to have friends that have issues like i do, so that id feel more comfortable in life in general, because they know what im going through..

Thanks for your reply Baby Steps, you make alot of sense as i said

CK

[CMF]

Thanks CK,

You should be proud of what you have achieved. You've worked hard for it and you deserve it but I know what you mean when you say you would like to share it with someone. We all went through that 'party' phase, it's part of growing up and then we mature and realise there is more to it. When do you think your social life started to suffer? Was it after you bought your home ie bills and mortgage took over. Or do you feel it is suffering now as you want to meet someone but your anxiety stops you? You were chasing girls ,do you think you pushed girls away in your party days as you feel you are doing now? When did the social phobia start? Sorry, lots of questions.

I don't think it is selfish to want to have friends who also have issues. I get where you are coming from here. You have us here at BB. We wouldn't wish issues on anyone but it is nice to have people who understand so we can be ourselves and not have to put on that brave face or avoid situations. I have 3 good friends and have found out over the last few years that they too have anxiety/depression issues. I would never have known. I am quite comfortable telling them about my anxiety and if i am having a bad day. We all help each other with sharing thoughts and ideas and what has worked etc. Not sure if i have asked, do you have any hobbies? Have you thought of joining a club to meet people with similar interests? Could be a good way to meet women as you already have things in common. Also have you tried different therapies to help overcome the shaking hands? CBT or maybe even hypnosis?

baby Steps

[CMF]

Forgot to mention, if you want to just 'hang out' on the forums without having to post on your thread you can join us in the the BB cafe. It's under the social zone heading. We just talk about anything and everything. It's open to all.

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Baby Steps

Its not so much ive got a house now and have bills to pay, yeah thats important, but the job im in pays well, so money isnt too much that i worry about. Ive always been a someone lets say, who has friends, but could quite happily just do my own thing. Which is what im doing now, and i spose that scares me because i shouldnt be happy just doing that, i need to get out there and do stuff..

CK

[CMF]

AAAhhh ok, I'm hearing you now.

I'm going to challenge that thought. Who says you shouldn't be happy doing your own thing?

I think if you have friends but are very comfortable doing your own thing that's great. I don't think you should be feeling like you need to get out and do stuff. You are in control of your life. It has taken me a very, very long time and alot of heartache to finally be comfortable and happy just doing my own thing. It's taken me a long time to realise that i don't need someone to make me happy in life. Happiness comes from within . To have a great job, a home of your own, time to do your own thing and be happy with that is great. Anything more i think is a bonus. I don't think you should feel any pressure to have to get out there and do stuff. You should do stuff because you want to, not because you feel you have. It's your life, you are in control of i. Are you don't see it as being wasted if you are doing what you want to do.

My next question is, are you wanting to get out and do things because you are curious and want to explore things or because you feel you have to, to have a fulfilling life? If you feel you want to explore things in life then yes, small steps, travel interstate, go on a road trip, build up to that overseas trip etc.

Food for thought...

bs

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BS

Damn you hit it right on the head. Ive known for a few years that yeah ive always wanted to travel, but always thought that its not that important/. Like you say though i feel like Society expects that as a part of a full life. Im thinking that maybe i feel that is because maybe i feel i need to do that to conform. I have some friends that say if they never travel but saw Australia it would not bother them.

I look at my life, and im proud of where i am in life, and yeah some of my friends have done more then me, but looking at some of the dark places ive been, id never thought id be where i am. Thanks BS

CK

[CMF]

You're very welcome CK.

Don't conform to society. You should be proud of where you are, what you overcome and WHO you are.

By the way, great to see you have joined us in the cafe.

bs