Starting Over

[DeeTwo]

Hi... 

I am feeling overwhelmed. 

A bit of back story, I am in my mid 50s, no children, second marriage, resulted in verbal, emotional and financial abuse. I left abruptly one night, when he laid into his 18yr old son.. 

I put all my finances into a joint named property that to be for our retirement (which I've just sold.. yeah).

I've been living at my sister's & brother-in-law home for 7 months. I have minimal furniture remaining as he hid/took etc most of my things. 

All this at the same time I left my job, and started my own business.

So, starting again... I have a few friends who have moved to the Gold Coast, plus some family there. Contemplating moving there also, but feeling overwhelmed at doing this step solo.

I can't keep living where I am (I am soon to out stay my welcome).

Any advice and guidance would be appreciated ☺️

[ecomama]

Hi DeeTwo, a very warm welcome to the forums. I'm so glad you reached out since you've been feeling so overwhelmed. 

I'm very very relieved that you left when you did. Let's be honest, thank God you did. 

So the mongrel stole your things? It's taken me almost a decade to work out a better way of looking at the theft of so much from my life that happened.... THAT'S what it cost me for my freedom.
If I had the option to sacrifice those things (& tons of time & money) to keep us safe, lock down our security as much as humanly possible and free myself for my future, I would take it EVERY time over living with what was going on which was escalating. 

Congratulations on selling your house! Wow, you've achieved alot in this time so well done you! 

You don't do things in half measures... beginning your own business, showing some real life GIRL POWER there!! 

The only advice I have would be to lodge your separation date in some way, not sure if you can lodge it with Centrelink? Or a friend (preferably with letters after their name), maybe your GP, can note the date in case it's disputed. 
Then a few month before your eligibility for Divorce (being a full 12 months and 1 day from separation), get prepared. You'll need some info and the Marriage Cert. Search this up. I did my own divorce in the throes of so much else going on and I applied for Hardship so it cost me $297 if I remember correctly otherwise it's about $1300 + $ to engage a Server. I chose the a private Server who's name I got from my Family Lawyer. You can call any Family Lawyer in the area you believe he lives in and ask them for a number. 
You can do it yourself instead of paying a Lawyer. The estimate was almost $7 000 for a Family Lawyer to do it... pfft you're joking! 

You can do this all from Qld. You can ask to "appear" by phone. If you reported this incident to Police, this supports your non physical appearance since you are the Applicant but I'm pretty sure the Divorce Court Staff are aware of specific dangers to victims of Family Violence. 

You may also benefit from a Counsellor... see how you feel about this. 

Will check back in with you
EM

[blues23]

Hi DeeTwo

 It sounds like your deciding what to do , you could make a list of pros and cons of the move . I too have been on DV I got out with nothing I had nothing I rebuilt my life I didn’t move interstate ( but thought bout it ) The first things first  is to get ur finances in order and get legal advise . The move may be positive for your to restart your life which can be a good . 

[Banksy92]

Hello DeeToo,

Starting a new chapter in our lives and the possibility of moving to a new area can be daunting, so it's understandable if you aren't sure whether to take the plunge. I think the fact you have some friends over there is a good thing, as a support network is important. 

Can I ask, what would be the main concerns you are having about moving over there? I agree with the pros and cons list suggestion too. Tease out every single thing that may worry you and may uplift you and see how you feel at the end.

Have you had a chance to ask your sister and brother in law? Maybe they would have a good insight too.