Socially isolated and feeling completely helpless to change

[JWolf17]

Hi all. I have some thoughts that I just need to get out there. 

To get right into it, I'm 25 now, and I'd say I haven't really had an irl friend in about 5 years. Right now, I have one friend who I met online pretty recently who I talk to semi-frequently, and that's it. I often feel really alone, but the idea of meeting people and forming friendships makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The same applies to relationships, to an even greater extent. I've never been in a relationship, and although it's something I want to experience it also terrifies me to even think about. I just don't see it as even being a possibility. 

My day consists of going to work at a job I don't think I'm very good at, getting home, cooking, and spending the rest of the night with video games, finding something to watch, or mindlessly scrolling through social media. And I just don't see how anything changes. My life feels completely stagnant, but any thought of doing anything to change it, or even taking the slightest step out of my comfort zone makes me so anxious that it just feels impossible to do anything about it. 

Having done some reading lately, I came across Avoidant Personality Disorder, and everything I read about it seemed to match up with my current experience. In basically all situations where I'm faced with short term anxiety, I'll avoid it even if it has bad consequences long term. I feel completely inadequate socially, I have absolutely no confidence to do anything about it. It just feels like a hopeless cause. 

I've been thinking that I need to start seeing a therapist or mental health professional at some point, but the process to get that started is really daunting. I moved to a new state for work at the start of this year, so I don't have a regular GP, and finding one new one is a daunting task. On top of that, working 8:30-5 on weekdays, it just feels like it'd be a struggle to even find time to regularly see a therapist. It's just confusing and anxiety inducing to even think about.

If anyone here has any advice I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much! 

[white knight]

Hi JW, welcome

I have a few comments that might help. Firstly it is great you are reviewing yourself in particular that you could have a social disorder like APD. However, you might have something that would justify a GP visit for confirmation but Dr Google has its limitations. I was misdiagnosed in 2003 with ADHD, took meds for that for 6 years and it was not the right diagnosis at all.

The other topic is social living. No action can be replaced  with good old fashioned groups, be it a sporting group or hobby. I used to play volleyball and most of the time I spent playing the game not talking to other team members. But over time you get to know them slowly and thats what you need. Another club I joined was a model plane flying club. When you are in a club with a common interest eg planes, slot cars, train sets etc its really much easier to talk because you are talking about the topic at hand.

Mental health isnt easy to pursue with your working hours, granted but some therapists work late during the week and on Saturdays. Avoiding this path can be a real concern, so chat with your GP, pick one that their secretary can recommend because some doctors specialise in that field.

TonyWK

[JWolf17]

Thanks for the reply. I agree, just relying on google probably isn't the best way to go about things. I should look to finding a GP as soon as I can. 

With finding a social group, I guess it's just very difficult to see myself getting over that first hurdle. I have been involved in sports in the past, so I think finding a sports club to be involved with would be the easiest way to approach this. It still fills me with a lot of anxiety to think about though. 

Thanks again for your reply. I'll give everything you've said a lot of consideration.