My friend and I have an ongoing issue and it’s causing my some anxiety. What should I do?

[SherlockandWatson96]

So this is pretty long so bear with me. My best friend got into a relationship a couple of months ago and at the beginning I was very happy for her because she’s been wanting to be in a relationship for so long. Now I won’t get into everything because we would be here forever. But after a little bit I started having issues with her girlfriend. The main reason was that I had just come out with being a victim of sexual assault as a child and every waking moment they were together they were they were intimate in some way or another and it made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to tear my skin off. Now i completely understand that this is my issue and I only asked if they could keep it to a minimum around me and obviously I gave them enough time to be together so they could be intimate. Now this conversation with my friend went pretty badly. She went right on the defensive and basically guilt tripped me into teller her girlfriend so that she would understand. Now I understand that was really not nice and I should have stood up for myself. I also went through a bit of a depression because I felt like one of my best friends just chucked me away after I came out with something that hurt me so much. I’ve since minimised my friendship with her so that my expectations aren’t as high. Now onto the most recent event. My friends girlfriend has just continuously made me feel uncomfortable in my own home (my friend and I live together) and it hit a point where she stayed over for 4 days and I just couldn’t handle it. 

[SherlockandWatson96]

I sat my friend down and explained how she makes me uncomfortable (there’s a lot more things she’s done that have made me uncomfortable like being fatphobic and giving me dirty looks ect) and that it’s not good for my health. I do understand that she lives with me too and she deserves to have her gf over and I told her that, but for days on end was just too much. I don’t think I was being unreasonable. I tried to come to a compromise with her and she just went of the defensive and basically guilt tripped me for feeling how I do and for being it up. Now I’ve been feeling really off and the house has been really awkward. I understand that she may be angry and I’m giving her space but when I’m around her I just feel on edge. How do you deal with a situation like this? 

[anonymous_username]

Hi SherlockandWatson,

This sounds like a very difficult situation! First up I have to say that it is definitely NOT your fault! You can’t change your past and neither can your friend. You did the right thing by asking them to keep it at a minimum and by distancing yourself, so good job!

I’m not sure I can help completely as I don’t know you or your friend, but I can offer some advice. 
Try not to be around them when they’re together. You’ve probably already thought of this and seeing as you live in the same house this will be tricky, but if they start to make you uncomfortable then you have the right to walk out of the room and get some fresh air.

Keep trying to explain your situation to her until she gets it. You said she was your best friend, so she should be willing to listen to your point of view. If she isn’t, keep trying. Listen to her side and then explain why that hurts you.

You definitely weren’t being unreasonable. Keep trying to compromise and hopefully it will get better. There is always moving out as a last resort.

i hope this helps!

-Anonymous

[SherlockandWatson96]

Thanks so much for your support!