Social anxiety

[Von is lost]

I have a group of friends that I hang out with once in a while. I didn’t realise until only recently but I have social anxiety. There is one really good friend in this group who always makes me feel comfortable and is the one always inviting me to things with the group. I feel totally fine when she’s around, but I obviously can’t rely on her for the whole time when we’re hanging out as a group. I feel quite anxious and awkward trying to talk to others in the group. I have tried on lots of occasions but they don’t give me much back in terms of conversation, which makes my anxiety worse because it feels like they’re not interested enough in me to talk to me. I find myself standing on my own because the rest have gone off somewhere and I don’t know what to do. I wish I was confident enough to feel comfortable on my own and better at socialising to connect more with these people but my anxiety does hold me back sometimes.

[smallwolf]

Hi. I've been there and have a sense of what it is like - you go out to dinner or party and trying to find that something to say that might break the ice. I am generally quiet, introverted ans not good at small talk.

More recently I have worked that open questions invite longer answers - this is something I have tried with some success.

You could also do a google search for

support group for social anxiety

and see if there is anything in your area - people with similar issues who themselves can look for ways deal with these stressful situations.

Some of the ideas presented in the link below will always be helpful...

https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/managing-my-daily-life/staying-connected/managing-social-anxie...

You have a story to tell and your story is worth listening to. Searching for

social anxiety treatment

will also give you other helpful ideas.For example, asking a co-worker what they got up to on the weekend.

We can also think that we are the only one with these problems yet others will likely have it and not say anything - at least that was what I found when it came to talking about my depression and anxieties.

Talking with someone such as a counsellor might be helpful?

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Tim

[Hanna3]

Hi Von,

Is this your first time on BB? If so welcome and I hope you stay and get to find your way around the forums and make some friends here who can help you.

It sounds as if the others in that group have formed their own little clique and are leaving you out? I've been through this too! It happens quite often... they often leave out the quieter, shyer, nicer person.

There's quite a lot of us here who suffer with social anxiety, so you're not alone! It can be a real pain feeling awkward and out of things. I am introvert and introverts are no good at small talk - and it sounds like you might be pretty introvert? (I could be wrong). Introverted people like discussions that have a focus. I wonder if there is a special interest group you could join wherever you live, like a reading group or a music group or a yoga or sports group (whatever your interests are) so then you would feel less "out"of things and have an interest in common with the others there that you could talk about?

It sounds like one friend is great and the others are leaving you out, maybe they don't realize they're doing it, you could try to ask them if you could come along with them...sometimes people can leave someone out accidentally, they haven't realized they're doing it, and you just need to bring it to their attention (in a nice way).

If they still don't include you, I'd be finding another group to join so you don't rely on these people so much - but still keep your good friend there.

I hope you will find some people to chat to here on BB, you'll find other people here share you problem! I hope things improve for you... do look around BB, the Cafe might be a good place to start meeting people here, or the games like First to the Post etc. Good luck.