Self confidence

[R_A]

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.
Recently I have been noticing that I have been finding it harder to control my worried thoughts. I catastrophiser about the future. Since about April or so I have always been worrying about not being able to get a job after I graduate from uni and that all my peers are way better than me. I know that this is irrational and that I am probably at the same standard as my peers but I can't stop thinking about it. I have planned for the future if I don't get a job and constantly think about where I am going to live if I cannot afford to rent or buy a house. I also wonder whether my brothers would take me in if I ended up living on the street.
I also stress that my friends do not actually like me and that they only invite me places because they do not know how to get rid of me.
Can anyone give me some advice please if they have been in a similar situation?
Thanks!

[Tay100]

Hi R.A,

Welcome to the forum, we are glad you found us. Please know that these feelings of inadequacy and worry are very normal and valid, and you aren't alone in feeling them.

In terms of your friendships, have you tried talking to your friends directly, about how you feel? Sometimes that can be the best course of action.

In terms of securing a job and a house and being secure, it can be really hard to not think about it as it is in your face a lot. Maybe talk to your careers councillor at uni about job prospects and even help with accommodation? Would your family or maybe even your peers at uni be able to provide with you some fresh perspective and support here?

Feel free to tell us more of your story if you wish 🙂
Tay100

[Gambit87]

Hi R.A,

Welcome to the forums.

I'm a worrier and a over thinker. If someone asks me to do something, all the what ifs bombard me at once. 'what if this' 'what if that' etc.

which the help of my psychologist ive been practicing 'capping the thoughts' I'm allowed to think and allowed to have the what ifs but I have to cap them and move on.

eg - if I was asked to go camping

what if it rains? -> sleep in the car
what if I run out of food? -> make sure I pack enough before we go
what if car brakes while off road -> the camp site isnt off road.

[CAPPED]

Its going to be fine

ok moving on now.

Its a very bad example but I hope you get my point. You're allow to have these worries but you shouldn't let them control you as most of the things people worry about are outside of their control.

for me, most of my worry comes out of anxiety. The less anxious I am, the less worry I have. I encourage you to have a chat with your GP they'll be able to point you in the right direction. I also encourage you to open up and have a chat with family and friends. For me, talking about it helps alot.

Hope this helps!

[Jasjit]

Hi R.A

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums and thanks for sharing your story with me.

First of all, I would like to congratulate you that you have come forward and ventured yourself to share your story. This shows me that you have insight into your life! Well done on that! Not everyone is brave enough to say their story! Good work!

So let's get to the root of your problem. Constantly worrying about the future and what will happen then shows to me that there is a fear. To be honest, I used to be in this situation throughout my childhood and adolescence because I had Generalised Anxiety Disorder. And I reversed it without anyone's help. How? The answer is simple. I gave myself a vision! I gave myself a purpose in life. After my adolescence, my vision was to be in the best shape of my life. I worked hard towards it and never listened to the naysayers. Also, I never doubted myself that if I don't achieve my dream body then what? Even though there are doubters in life, but when you doubt yourself that is very dangerous. Now, I achieved my dream body.

The purpose in life can be anything! Like, now I want to become a Dr. Clincal Psychologist - that is my vision and I do not have a PLAN B because having a PLAN B means that I am afraid of failing. It is okay to fail but what is not okay when one fails and does not get back up.

So tell me about yourself. What are you currently studying? Are you in university or school? How is your relationship with family - especially parents/siblings?

Also, what do you want to become in life? Any thoughts?

I would really like to help you out! We can definitely work on this together!

[R_A]

Hi Jasjjt,
I am studying occupational therapy and I don't struggle to have a vision like I know that it's what I want to do and I am really enjoying the course. I just can't stop thinking that what I'm doing is good enough at uni and find it hard not to catastrophise the future.
My relationship with my family is good, I live at home with my parents and brother. I don't know if this is right to say but I just feel stupid telling them about it because I know it's irrational but I feel like it just takes control over my life. I also just feel like I don't achieve as much as them, like my brothers are both really smart and I just feel like the 'runt.
Thank you for you reply!

[R_A]

Hi,
Yes your post was helpful and makes sense.
I think I am similar in the way that I overthink everything.
I just find it difficult sometimes to control these thoughts.
I am just scared to go and talk to my gp because I don't know if my thoughts are significant enough and am scared that they will just dismiss my thoughts when I don't think it is healthy to be thinking this way.
I also find that they impact on my social life because I sometimes avoid seeing friends to do uni work (even though I am well I'm top of my uni work) because I feel that if I don't then I will fail and never get a job after uni.

Thank you for your reply, you examples made sense!

[Gambit87]

I felt the same way you do, for the better part of 15 years I hid my depression and anxiety. I used to fight my mind constantly, the racing thoughts got stronger and i fought harder and it made me so mentally exhausted. I never sought help because I felt I wasn't worth it and wasn't good enough to be helped. Who would want to help me? I was scared to talk about it because i thought no body cared (even though I have a beautiful parter and wonderful family and friends). It affected my social life too as id always find an excuse to not do things or leave early and stuff like that. It caused me to go deeper into depression and made me loose interest in everything.

Since acknowledging that I needed help, I openly talk about my anxiety. It helps me process the fact I have a mental health condition and there's no shame in that. I'm slowly getting back on track and rebuilding myself.

your thoughts are significant, if your gp dismisses you, find a new one that has a interest in mental health.

you are important too RA!

[R_A]

Hi,
Thank you for acknowledging it because i messaged a friend because I don't feel comfortable talking about it in person yet, but she just was saying to find more opportunities relating to ot which isn't what I'm anxious about because I already volunteer and everything and I know that it's an irrational fear.

[Tay100]

Hi R.A

Thought I'd just swing by and check to see how you were doing, it's great to see that others have engaged with you. Hopefully, they have provided you with some insight. How are things going? Feel free to update us if you like- it seems like this thread is a great support for you.

Tay100