Terrified to start a new medication; what helped you?

[Mysuperpowerispanic]

Hi BB crew!

Where do I start, I've got OCD coupled with panic disorder and CPTSD. Add to that social phobia, health anxiety and agoraphobia when my anxiety is really bad. I've experienced panic attacks for almost 2 decades. It's exhausting.

There were many periods of time where I went without medication just because I felt like I was "giving in"... I absolutely know this isn't the case. It's more societies label on antidepressants than anything else.

Anyway I'll try to not draw this out. I finally began one SSRI in 2010 after my father passed away. It gave me pretty full on side effects for the first week but after that, absolutely amazing. I couldn't believe I'd not taken them sooner and got my life back! I had a HUGE reduction in OCD and panic attacks. I eventually stopped these a few years later. Then went without again for a period of time. Started these meds again in early 2016 and didn't quite work the same. In fact I was on a dosage that was far too high.

I've since reduced the dose right down to try another SSRI BUT I'm absolutely terrified of the side effects. I'm so tired of being afraid and knowing it's not exactly LOGICAL to think the way that I do. Yet here I am haha. I think my fear centers around side effects. Then what if it DOESN'T work?! Or better yet what if it does work and I'm so upset with myself for not taking them years earlier. I know it's best not to let the mind wander.

Anyway I'm looking for tips on how to overcome this huge fear of taking meds. I'm even fearful of taking things like vitamins at times. I'm one of those people that I feel has a legitimate chemical imbalance and requires store brought serotonin. So while talk therapy helps, I need to start these meds! Anyone else have an illogical fear of medications? How did you work through it? Did you overcome your fear and find the med actually helped?

Thanks in advance 🙂

[Quercus]

Hello Mysuperpowerispanic (love the name) and welcome,

Your story sounds more complex than my own but I can understand feeling afraid of medications and the possible effects.

I've had major depressive episodes since I was a kid which went undiagnosed and untreated. I lost track of the number of times GPs wanted me to try antidepressants and I rejected the idea utterly. I was afraid that the meds would change me as a person or I'd lose control somehow.

What changed was developing autoimmune arthritis in my 30s and struggling to even walk. I clung desperately to the hope that a medication would help. Losing movement and living in pain was destroying me.

Why should my mental health feel any different than physical health?

The fact is when depression and suicidal ideation set in I was at a point that I was not going to survive without medication.

So that is how I cope... No matter how much I worry or start feeling like I want to stop taking meds or getting anxious about side effects I remind myself I will never stop my meds for the autoimmune disease even though there have been some very horrible side effects. Those meds allow me to walk and live without excruciating pain.

I focus on the fact that the antidepressants are equally as necessary for me to survive. The depression always returns.

I remind myself stubbornly that medications for mental health issues are trial and error but for me they are necessary. Side effects can happen but I've survived worse and am much stronger than I ever thought. If there are side effects I will just try again. And again. And again.

No idea if any of this will help you but I hope so. Fingers crossed the new meds help you soon.

❤️Nat

[Mysuperpowerispanic]

Thank you so much for your reply on this. I've been reading plenty of positive reviews on the particular medication I'm looking to take and tell myself there are many others out there, if this doesn't quite work.
I'm not sure where this distrust or being scared of medication comes from but it's been frustrating to overcome.

I'm glad you've found something that works for you x