Scared of "trivial, everyday" things

[Moonstruck]

Does anyone else share this irrational, stupid, inconvenient anxiety? It doesn't happen all the time but when it does I cannot explain it or know what to do, to get rid of it. It will sound comical, laughable when I tell you but that's OK...it sounds funny to me also. I will start by saying there are certain situations I am active in, at which I exel, where the majority of folk would be terrified. I am brilliant there...and yet scared of this "little stuff" .

For months I was frightened of going to a different petrol station nearby. Prices went sky high at most places in my town, and this one was cheaper, popular, accessible and an obvious choice and for months I put off going there...because I was scared of it. Which bowser should I pull up at? Which buttons do I push to key in the dollars I want?. What if there is a big queue?...so I eventually had to ask a neighbour (who is familiar with anxiety problems) to go with me, just to sit beside me and quietly tell me what to do. Otherwise I would never have "mastered the petrol station"!

Yesterday i bought a new vacuum cleaner. It was a good price, I am pleased with it, I want to use it asap and need to use it. I look forward to using it. I am scared to get it out of the box. What if I can't understand the instructions in the manual? It's different from my last one. see how stupid it sounds? I am scared of my vacuum cleaner!!!!

and yet if you could see what I achieved just recently in a specialised field...you would be amazed at my competency and confidence!!!

WHY am I scared of these trivial everyday things? God knows how long it will take for me to begin assembling that vacuum cleaner which I know, logically, I am intelligent enough to figure out!! So why am I procrastinating about it?

What is wrong with me? Who could help me? Any suggestions or thoughts would be very welcome......have a nice day..... Moonstruck.

[blondguy]

Hey Moon!

I hear you loud and clear on this one...seriously. I have a serious problem where DIY is concerned.....It scares the hell out me.....I thought I was the only one that suffered from this weird mindset. I dont mind wiring up home theatre systems yet putting a basic DIY flat pack bookshelf together can make me shiver...ugh!

All the best for 2019 too Moon 🙂

Paul

[Moonstruck]

Hey BlondGuy.......have you heard positive things about the Mindspot online course? I begin one at the end of January....did their assessment...several categories came up Severe and I agree I do need some help here..."my" therapist there rang me and I felt comfortable talking on the phone with her. I believe it entails about 4 hours a week to "do" things...I don't know for sure what they are...but was honest in the assessment questions and I know I really have to do something about this.

Online may work better than face to face for me...because of my excellent ability to "act" in that situation...I end up being any character, any role they seem to want....anyone but myself. Because if I were myself I'd come across as a cry-baby...whinging about nothing.

I can't trust myself not to put on the facade in the face to face situation...I do it with my GP all the time, sharing jokes and my witty observances, we have a great old laugh!! (see what I mean) anyway I digress...my query is has anyone had experience with the Mindspot courses?...Good to hear from you Paul.....xo

[Moonstruck]

Well..here I am again. Scared of doing these three things that I WANT to do for MYSELF! Yes they are what I want to get for myself asap.....and God knows how long, if ever I will actually give them to myself.

1. I took the first step and went into the Phone Shop with questions about what SmartPhone would suit my needs, price, plans etc. (I don't have one at all!) Said I would be back next week to purchase...hooray, I have been promising this to myself for AGES.... Will I go back and get it? I am scared. Scared of choosing the wrong one. Scared of misunderstanding the figures she told me and scared I will not know how to use it when I get home.

2. have decided to get new floor coverings in my very small bathroom. Know what I want and it certainly needs doing. I will feel so much better when it is done...it's a necessity, not a luxury. But I haven't. I am scared of choosing the wrong colour, wrong floor covering store (they may be cheaper elsewhere), scared of what the man putting it down will think of my tatty little bathroom, what if it's not clean enough?

3. Want and need pull down sofa/bed in spare room. have the space, have thrown out the old broken one. I am scared of going to the wrong 2nd hand furniture place (we have some good ones here and can't afford a brand new one) , scared of not measuring the space properly, (what if I get it home and it doesn't fit?)

These are 3 things that are so easy for others to accomplish. I want to give myself these things. The only thing standing in my way of organising these things for myself is "fear". I am ashamed to admit this....please share with me if you understand and perhaps have similar fears...thanks....

[Paw Prints]

Hello Moonstruck,

This thread really resonates with me. Here are my top 3:

You have done better than me in the "getting a new phone steps". My old phone is so old it's a flip top that doesn't have internet. The battery is now so old it's not holding charge for very long so I really need to get a new one, yet when I go into town I never seem to find the time to go to the shop to find one.

I moved here 4 years ago, being a rural property it is to big for a standard mower so I need a ride on (I'm paying a chap to mow it but really can't afford to keep doing so the savings are nearly gone). Getting a ride on means I also need to get a trailer to get it home & to take it for maintenance. 4 Years on still trying to go & get one, feel like an idiot, I have never towed anything so lots of nerves about doing it & about how to get the mower on & off the trailer.

I bought a dehydrator to make dog training treats so I would know what was in them. It's still in the box 1 year on. I know it's silly. I know it doesn't matter if I don't get it right 1st time. Yet it still sits unopened.

Like you I'm mostly scared of getting the wrong thing for my needs. Not being able to use it comes in 2nd.

It's nice to know I'm not alone in putting things that need to be done off.

Paw Prints

[Moonstruck]

Thanks for sharing that. I had been thinking I must be the only person who is like this. I understand completely about your mower and your dog treats...fully get it!!

Someone in my "mature aged" age group, also very intelligent, smart person was discussing this with me saying they are similar, especially when it comes to technology which is moving faster and faster.

He said it may have to do with our school days many years ago, right from primary where we were not encouraged to "explore, see what works, try another way, experiment" etc....but rather "get it right". No wrong answers were allowed, in fact punished. Our result had to be a "tick" not a "cross". anything less than a "right" was regarded as failure.

I even have a note to myself on my fridge, to try and remind me that no one cares if I "push the wrong button the first time". No one gives a damn if I could have gotten the item cheaper at another store!!

There is no teacher, parent, policeman looking over my shoulder making sure I get it right.

My note says "Moonstruck, WHO'S LOOKING?"..

[Paw Prints]

I think your friend is right about we mature aged folk. It's the "getting it right" & "not being a bother" that's the problem. I have no problem asking for help to get items from the top shelf in shops, but will walk every aisle multiple times before asking for help to locate an item & I struggle to ring the plumber to see when he is coming back because I don't want to be a nuisance.

Love your note on the fridge idea, maybe the note needs added to it a list of "well I got '.....' wrong & the world didn't end" to remind us it's OK to get it wrong sometimes.

Paw Prints

[Guest_093]

hi everyone I totally feel your fears and hey it has taken me this long even to post here, I have looked @ this subject time and time again in the past and now I finally have the gumption to chat wwhhooww? a feeling of a little relief here. It's funny my therapist asked me this week this question-'What is your biggest fear" It probably took me a full 5 minutes to answer her in hope that she would move on to other area, well she did'nt sat there patiently waited so I had to tell her and I started by stuttering the answer(damn) my fear is facing the people that are inside my head and believing that they are outside my head talking to me, the ones that I supposedly trust and should take notice of and answer to, reality check! And when certain ones pick on me having the balls to stand up to them and tell them all to go to hell literally big laugh that I do that! With this fear to deal with I feel I have no piece of mind happening and that frightens me as I do not know what is happening to me any more I feel like a big scaredy cat at 58 years young. When I go and do a simple thing like grocercy shopping the voices inside my head as I call them feel like these people are walking along beside me in the aisles chattering away. Another fear is in relation to talking to people and that is ring my manager I need to write down what I want to say to her before I ring her otherwise I start to bumble around and stutter in talking to her, I feel like she talks to the other workers about it when I am on shift and that just makes me feel worse about myself, how in the hell do you get through these fears that is a question in itself please?? Regards Spitfire1

[Moonstruck]

Dear Spitfire and Paw Prints...thanks for joining the discussion with me...I can relate to both of you..and Spitfire, I get "scared" of making phone calls too...it's annoying because when I get on the phone my voice sounds professional, calm, confident and very "together" person!! Yet it took me ages to get up the courage to dial the number!! I don't know why this is...perhaps a therapist or GP could give us the answer.

Just wanted to say the 3 things I was scared of:;;....went to phone shop, she recommended one right for my needs....got up the courage to go back a few days ago to buy it...yes I got brave enough...they didn't have that particular one in stock at the time, expecting a new shipment soon and will definitely get one then! I felt better, just going in the store having made my decision.....so i will be getting it soon (if I don't chicken out).

2. floor covering...Man coming to free measure and quote next week. Picked out what I want, price seems right and I am anticipating the relief and pleasure I will feel when it's done and I can look at a much more attractive room....the need for the product is way way overdue...but I have been so paralysed with anxiety and fear to actually take a step in ANY direction it seems, particularly ones I have to rely on others' help or advice with. So that is where I am with that challenge.

3. I have my sofa/bed in spare room which I got from a 2nd hand furniture store, affordable price and seems OK for my needs........I made this progress on all 3 things in the space of a week...and wish to hell I knew what or who gave me the push forward....but whatever angel it was...thank you.

These may seem trivial achievements to others, but I like to think I have done Ok to get this far....good luck to us all...Moonstruck

[Paw Prints]

Dear Moonstruck,

Whoohoo!! Very well done & definitely not trivial. I would have been impressed if you had managed only one, you did all three. You should be feeling very chuffed with yourself.

Paw Prints

[Moonstruck]

Thanks for the encouragement. Haven't picked up my new phone yet..but not scared to any more. I actually added another item to my shopping list of challenges.....made appointment for (mainly cosmetic) dental procedure which I both need (in order to smile and open my mouth when a photo is taken)..and very much "want".

It was suggested to me ages ago, got a quote some months back and the dentist is lovely...so I have been thinking about it for some time...but until today, didn't actually take action.

So unaccustomed to doing things for ME, pampering ME, giving something to Myself.....its very strange territory indeed.

Man came to measure for floor coverings today and I was anxious before he came....worrying whether the room was clean enough, the house looking OK etc...what he would think of my house keeping skills (or lack of) how badly the room needs this new covering etc etc. He was very pleasant and only here for a small while....yet I was filled with anxiety before he came!!

Wondering just when this "fear" took me over...or did it build up over a long period...or what? I faced all sorts of trauma and despair when younger....but I seemed stronger then than I do now...when nothing really threatening is happening to me!!

Who has the answer for this question of mine? Why did the irrational fear begin and what triggered it off?