Relationship anxiety

[bimmadude101]

Hi everyone,

I have posted on here a couple of times over the years about my anxiety and OCD... I have had OCD for around 2 years now and have really learned how to handle it. Although it does creep up on me and latches onto important things that are happening in my life that I value.

Anyway, I recently got into a relationship with this wonderful girl. Everything just feels right about this girl and I'm pretty confident I'm falling in love with her and I'm very happy about that. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend around 8 months ago because I just didn't feel that connection with her as I do with my current girlfriend. Although ever since I made it official with my current girlfriend I have had OCD like thoughts about my ex. I keep getting thoughts of her popping into my head. Yes, I care about my ex and we did end on good terms but thoughts and memories of her just keep popping up. I do not have feelings for the girl and am glad I'm not in a relationship with her but the thoughts are just really bothersome. I know this is my OCD as now that I have a new relationship my brain just wants to sabotage it as usual. I guess you could call it ROCD? which I have suffered from in previous relationships although in a different form. Before asking out my current girlfriend I hardly thought about my ex but as soon as I made it official I just started getting all these annoying thoughts pop up. My ex and I are still friends and message each other here and there just to see how one another is going. I also get thoughts of worry about my ex like well what happens if something bad happens to her and I'm not there to help her. But then again I'm not really apart of her life and I don't want to be having these worries because I just want to 100% concentrate on my new relationship as I really see myself having a future with my current girlfriend.

I know these thoughts will eventually subside and its just my OCD that keeps firing these thoughts off but i would love some advice or someone who has had a similar experience.

Bimmadude.

[Roscoe88]

Hey!

I know how you feel! As easy as it is to say and I had trouble with this too is when you get the thoughts of the ex, just weigh up the pros and women’s cons as to why you left the relationships and you will find it was for the right reasons.

Try breathing excersises ( hold your breath for 10 secs) and breath out through your nose and this might clear your head. Try focusing on the pros of the new relationship and remember it’s ok to still think of past people.

Hope this helps

R

[Alexlisa]

Hello Bimmadude,

I also have OCD so I really get what you’re saying and my heart goes out to you because I know just how cruel and unruly it can be. Like you said, it knows exactly where to hit you - in the things that are important to you and that you value.

You mentioned that you generally have your OCD under control, I was wondering if you use certain skills, and if you can apply it to this new form that you’re experiencing? I know how frustrating it is - it feels like trying to beat OCD is like playing ‘whack-a-mole’ because just when you think you’ve got a handle it can pop up somewhere else.

Relationship OCD, like all OCD is about our searching for certainty in a world where it’s impossible to ever find. And the more we try to fight those thoughts that we have, the stronger they seem to feel and the more frequent they appear. But I know how hard it is for us to let our thoughts ‘just be’ and accept their presence and the uncertainty of what they mean.

There are two great resources I know of that might be able to give you some insight and help you feel less alone in this. The first one is the podcasts of Stuart Ralph called The OCD Stories. He has several episodes on ROCD and 150+ other episodes, a lot of them with specialists in the field of OCD.

https://theocdstories.com/

The other is the podcasts of Kimberley Quinlan who is an Australian therapist in the US who specialises in OCD.

https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/

Something I’ve wanted to look into more myself is the technique of ‘Imaginal Exposure or Scripting’. It’s often used in thought based (or Pure) OCD obsessions that can be hard to practice real life graded exposures. I hope that made sense... maybe best to just look it up because it’s also new to me and it’s something I know I need to explore.

I hope this helps a little. I want you to know you’re not alone in this. I’ll keep an eye on this thread if you want to come back and talk some more. Especially about what you’ve found to help in the past.

Take care,

Alexlisa

[bimmadude101]

Thank you for your reply!!

im sorry that you had similar circumstances. I know my current relationship is right as i have such a good feeling about this girl. Its just those past thoughts about my ex that bother me... I have been exercising, keeping myself busy and using cbt to be mindful of my thoughts and im feelings better already. I am also trying to change my diet to be less sugar intoxicated and also meditate and do breathing exercises that help me relax.

Kind regards Bimmadude.

[bimmadude101]

Hi Alexlisa,

Thank you for the reply,

Ocd is a massive inconvenience however, the techniques that i use are ones that i have learned over the past couple of years include meditation, mindfulness (CBT), exercise, healthy diet (when i can), medication and just trying to stay busy.

Yes exactly its that uncertainty That makes you want to ruminate and get to the bottom of the thoughts. CBT and allowing the thoughts to just be thoughts is extremely hard but very rewarding. I find if you read the book brain lock it will give you a good understanding on how to apply CBT effectively.

Thanks for the links ill be sure to give them a listen soon.

Ive never heard of this technique but it sounds interesting and makes sense.

Really appreciate the reply.