I'm terrified of driving

[Onepa]

I'm 34. I am married. We want to start a family. But my husband has made it clear that until I get my license, there will be no kids. I understand his reasoning. If something happens, I need to be able to take them wherever. The problem is. I am terrified. I sit behind the wheel of a car and I just start to shake and sob. I freeze and can't move. I have never been in an accident or been scared in a car so I don't know why I feel this way. I don't want to be the reason why we don't have a family but at the same time, I physically and mentally just can't get past this. I don't want to wait much longer before we start a family and I hate it that I'm the one holding us back and if we don't have kids, it will be my fault.

[Croix]

Dear Onepa~

Being scared of driving is quite a common thing, and getting started is the worst, confusing with tons of pressure. Under normal circumstance I'd say your husband is being a bit harsh and bossy, however I'm not sure in Kimberley with only around 1,000 people in the town, perhaps there is a need for both partners to drive, not just for kids, but just generally in case one gets sick or has an accident.

Learning to drive is a situation that can be good or a nightmare, and this depends very largely on the instructor. Many people make the mistake of having a family member teach them, and often it simply does not work.

For a start you both have expectations, maybe the one instructing does not have enough patience, and more importantly that family member will not have the understanding and skill to ease the novice into getting going. A proper instructor will have the experience to reassure and not demand.

So I guess as a first step use an automatic, get an instructor you have confidence in, and start off just going around in a safe place with nothing to run into.

Try not to see it as a condition for starting a family, but just another life skill to get under your belt -like maybe using a washing machine, but with a little more to it.

Do you think that might be possible?

Croix

[Onepa]

I don't know if its possible. I've tried with both driving instructors, family and friends and I've held my Ls since I was 17.

I understand his reasoning and I pretty much agree with him. I also feel for him because he has to drive everywhere we go.

I've tried sitting in the car with no one else around and just kind of taking it all in but still ended up sobbing.

[LesDave]

Hello Onepa. Is this really anxiety or a deeper fear? Is there something in your past holding you back? Learning to drive SHOULD be both fearful and exciting. Is there nowhere you can go where it is safe just to start off? Like a relatives paddock or a vacant carpark? I noticed someone else asked about using a very simple automatic car, is that an available option? When I am confronted with something like this I will break it down into bite size goals. That way you build your confidence and you can deal with things easier. 1. learn to start the car. 2. learn to take off and brake. 3. learn to change gears. 4. learn to go around a corner. etc. etc. etc. make it a year long goal. Each week or each day just do one thing to make the goal appear closer

[Croix]

Dear Onepa~

I pretty much agree with LesDave firstly by wondering if there is something from your past holding you back. It might not even be connected with driving but some other association, I would not know. You might consider trying to find out, a councilor or therapist found via your GP might be an option there.

After all it is only a few years since you had such a terrible time wiht the passing of some you love, and you mother may well have eroded your own confidence at other times. Maybe even the idea of setting an example due to your husband's occupation might be a hindrance. Please excuse me if I've misunderstood or taken things out of context.

I should also mention, though I'm sure you would have thought of it, have you had a physical, good eyesight and all?

I also agree about breaking things down to small steps, not even trying to put them all together for a while. Do just one thing and then exit the vehicle, over weeks that tends to build.

Cast your mind back to accomplishments you have made, if you are honest with yourself there will be a surprising number. Driving will be possible for you, it's a question of the right approach and patience, if it is something that presents you with unique difficulties I'm sure in time you will prevail.

What do you think?

Croix