panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

Thank you so much, it means a lot, i am trying to remember to breath but the panic is just so overwhelming, i am trying by best though.

i am hoping to have internet access if my phone works their, so it will be nice to talk through the panic with you girls.

i hope you are having a good weekend, how are you feeling? has the side effects calmed down a bit?

anyway i am having a panic attack at the moment and i have a mind block so i don't remember what i was going to say, sorry

take care

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi J,

i hope things calm down for you so far my weekend has been good, last night mum came to visit she lives 3 hours away so she stayed overnight and I took her out for dinner. Now for the funny bit she is storing all her christmas gifts at my place until christmas and last night she was in bed and I decided to go to the box of christmas gifts to see what she has, I still think mums have super sensitive ears because she heard the paper and 2 minutes later she walked out and I got sprung, ha ha ha I have not changed since I in was 5.

i still get nausea and light headend from the meds, and just want to sleep all day. I noticed myself starting to have a bit of a panic attack last night and I just took a PRN and it sent me to sleep so I am sleeping a lot more these days so that is a good thing.

so how are the animals going? I just have cars go, pass my house evry second. I said it before I don't like the suburbs I much prefer the country. But when I was in high school I lived in the country and we use to have kangaroos come up to the lawn and one day I was lucky enough to see the rare moment when they was boxing each other. I miss them days.

so how long is your drive? You may need to take some coffee with you. If u need any traveling tips just ask me I traveled around the world and sometimes I had bad anxiety on planes for reasons I will not mention. So I can help you in that area

anyway I hope your day gets better make sure you drink planty of coffee. 

Take care

sparkles

[angelite]

J go to your office sit at the desk and look out the window at the animals. Breathe count to five as you breathe in slowly.  Exhale and count to 7. Keep going until everything slows down.  Any thoughts send to the chickens and let them go keep breathing.  You can do it.

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

yes i know the bereathing techniques and muscle relaxation techniques.  I have to practice them often. Maybe every 30min, but i find my mind drifing after about 5 min and start to tence up again. And around in circles i go.

i feel so guilty being a burden to you , because i know how much you are hurting at the moment. I wish their were some way for me to take some of it away for you. To give you a break. You are special to me. I don't know how i would cope without your help.

please don't tell me that is the river you go to. Oh my gosh how beautiful, i wish i had somewere so nice. The place i live at is in drought everything is dead and all of the waterways dried up. The only sanctuary i have is in my mothers back yard.

you are so lucky to have such a beautiful spot. You will have to describe it to me some time.  

I don't know if i will ever have the strength to change my situation i feel so safe in my mothers home. The outside world is just too scary for me to face. 

Take care Karen, we will fight together.

jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

I'm really concerned and worried about you.

When you can let me know you are ok.

There are a couple of posts on page 16 please read them when you are able.

Big hugs, try and stay strong I know you are exhausted.

Karen

[angelite]

Hi J

I'm so glad you are using the techniques, it is so difficult to stop the mind from wondering.

J you are not a burden you have helped me get through some really difficult times.

Another low today welfare check, the police came to the house again. The cat team want to do daily checks at mum's house, to make sure I'm ok. But mum won't have them here. What a mess.

J have you come up with some solutions or techniques to help you with your what if list.

I will see my gp

Yes that is where I spend a lot of my time. Its quite isolated not many people around. Just how I like it. I feel safe there and at peace. It is truly beautiful. I would like to find a house near by. Something to work towards.

J keep up with the breathing and send the dark thoughts down the river on a leaf, I will be doing that with you.

Yes we will fight together if that's ok.

Karen

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

You sound like you are doing an awesome job of managing the symptoms. I'm so proud of you going to the gp and taking the new meds. Its always difficult to get used to a change in meds. I hope you made sense of my last post I'm really exhausted at the moment.

Hope your weekend is ok

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

Ha, Ha, Busted, fancy looking at the christmas present's when you only have a week to wait, it is like a kid in a candy store isn't it? their is that urge to find out, oh well you will just have to wait 5 more days;)

that is nice taking you mother out for dinner, and it sounds like you are enjoying the time with her.

oh that is good, i think with our conditions we get exhausted easily, i have broken sleep but more frequent sleeps, i stay awake for 3-4 hours sleep and repeat, it is a shame you are getting the nausia though, i have always had the nausia side effect ever since i started on my medication.

the animals, well they are going good, the pig has been waiting at the fence for her oats, snorting every now an again when someone drives past, the chickens are making a lot of noise, they want some more fresh fruit and veg, they have become used to the good life i think, lol.

i can't see the frogs, i think they might have moved from the pot plant to the drain pipes to be cooler, it is quite hot here at the moment, and the wild birds have been singing and playing in the puddles and the sprays from the sprinkler system, they seem to love it, i should make them pay the water rates, lol.

well i am in a state of numbness now, everything feels like a blur, this always happens at the height of my anxiety, my mind just seems to shut down and i seem to just loose grip, it is a strange feeling nothing really registeres i go quiet and just stair at the wall.

the trip is a 7 hour drive approx, i get bad motion sickness, i always have, and since i have not been on a long range drive for 8 years it is much worse now for me, so not looking forward to the drive either, it looks like it is going to be an agonizing time for me all round.

i have been getting stomach pains, headaches, shaking and sweating just from the thought of haveing to be away from home, and i haven't left yet.

hi Karen,

i am still here, still fighting, i am exhausted though just the thought of having to be away after 8 years scares the hell out of me, i am glad i will never have to go away from home again after this, i will be safe.  or at least able to tolerate the way i have to live.

my family is nice, i feel guilty for saying all of this, it is not them it is my anxiety, i just don't feel protected away from home, i feel vulnerable.

how are you going today, are you starting to settle from the rough week you have had?

take care my sisters, am thinking of you both.

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi J,

i am glad u had a laugh at me getting caught looking through the presents,, 5 more sleeps until Santa comes that is not close enough ha ha, I think I been good this year so hopefully Santa will give me something nice lol... 7 hours on the road wow that is a long road trip, make sure you listen to some good music, bring some really good snacks and if possible bring a notebook and pen and write down any cool animals you may see along the way or any other interesting stuff on your road trip as I want to hear about them. 

Oh yeh by the way remember me, you and karen is family now and you are our brother, u have helped us trough some hard times so my point is we are allowed to care and we know u are going through a hard time right now and we want to help so please if you need to vent or just a distraction, we are here for you.

i b thinking of u over the next few days.

take care

sparkles  

[Sparkles183]

Hi karen

thanks for your encouragement. Yes I did understand your last post, it is very understandable that u are exhausted, you have been through a lot. I am very proud of you as I know you are trying to fight the hardest you can, I just wish you had more people around you that is willing to help you get through this. I am glad that your GP, is trying his/hers hardest to try to get u the help u need.

sometimes it is hard to walk in the GPs office but we need to remember they are their to help. I have another appointment on Monday I think she just wants to see me to see I am safe. 

Anyway I need to have some rest as I been out christmas shopping all day and I always get bad anxiety when I am buying gifts for others in case I get something they don't like. I think I may relax and continue packing tonight to get ready for my big move in the new year.

take care 

sparkles