panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

you will se a new pic of the chickens this morning i took the photo about 6:30am this morning, they were not impressed, not because i took the photo, but because i didn't give them some bread, or lettuce, or watermelon, lol

well i managed a good nights sleep, thank god, i was getting really irritated for no reason, i had a huge panic attack yesterday, it took me about 4 hours to calm myself, but i managed, as usual.

well Karen you should not see the CAT as another low, you should see it as another hand for help, you want some help, any help, this might be the way to get it.

i hope the night was not too long for you, but remember what you say to me, it is morning and the birds are singing.

take care, rmember you are special to me, big hugs.

Jacques

[angelite]

J I love the picture and hearing about the animals it takes me to a nicer place hearing about them thank you.

Sparkles being a nurse and on benzos at least you know what to expect, I'm worried that my gp has put me on two different ones. It bothers me a lot to have then. How are you finding it, do they help. Thinking of you both, appreciate the support. Even the distraction.

Karen

[angelite]

Thanks J.

Have you written out your what if list for going away. Then come up with coping strategies. I'm fighting you need to fight too. I will help. You are strong enough, take some of mine I will share. Family you know.

Karen

[angelite]

Hi kids

Monday, psychiatrist, cat team..

Tuesday,saw gp, rang bb for support......

Wednesday, suicide line support and referral, tried online courses for depression and anxiety....

Thursday, anglicare, lifeline suggest an 8 week support that may help

Friday, no positive results, still fighting.

If I can so can you.

Rely on grounding, mindfulness, posative affirmations, distract, break days into hours. And have support numbers written down.

Find hope when overwhelmed and exhausted by the fight

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen,

we must be related as we keep saying

as you know how to read between the lines on what I am saying. Two PRN wow I have trouble handling just one, I sometimes take a half dose to calm me down before I go out but I took a full dose the other night to help me sleep and I could hardly make it to the bathroom and almost fell asleep on the toliet lol ...

So I learnt my lesson from that I think my body can not take as much as others. And the new dossage of AD I am on it feels like all I do is sleep they say the PRN is addictive and only take them short term, and I only take them now if it is really necery but evry one is different and their body handles it in different ways. 

I was wondering if the chemist gave you info on the medication when you first got them. As evry time you get a new medication u have never taken before the chemist suppose to run through it with you, but most will not. If you want a great website to help u find more out about your medication go to nps.org.au Amd just put your medication name in the search section I have found that website a great help and they also have a app you can download if you have an smartphone or ipad and in the app you can set reminders when to take your medication and it will tell you when your priscrptions are due.

i am glad u are staying safe I hope this helps

take care 

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i am glad the chickens were a good distraction, i am glad they are hlepin you as much as they are me.

well i am in full panic mode now, only 2  days to go before my worst nightmare comes true, i can't sleep my heart is racing 100 miles per hour, i am shaking uncontrollably and i am sweating like you would not believe.

the what if's well here goes:

• What if something happens to mum
• what if they want me to go with them somewere in public
• what if they want me to go somewere without mum
• what if i can't handle being away from home
• what if their is an accident
• what if the house gets broken into
• what if i can't get home
• what if the holliday last more than a few days
• what if i say something stupid and upset them
• what if things don't go well
• what if i am stuck their
• what if i have no money
• what if they try to seek help for my condition
• what if i can't sleep how am i going to fill in the time
• what if i get physical symptoms from the panic attacks
• what if centerlink think i am ok and take me off payments
• what if i am accused of fraud
• what if i have to pay the money back
• what if i have another mental breakdown
• what if i am unable to control the anxiety
• what if i go into a depressed state
• what if i can't speak
• what if i start to stutter
• what if i get my big mood swings
• what if i want to come home early
• what if their is some unforseen expence
• what if their is nothing to come home to

i am sorry Karen that is all i can manage, thier is so many more what if's that i can't talk about, i am trying to reassure myself but it is hard, actually i can't seem to reassure myself everytime i tell myself it is ok i find something else to panic about.

i am sorry Karen i know you have had a horrible week and i hope i am not makeing things worse.

i am so glad you are fighting, it gives me hope for myself that maybe one day you and i can manage life better.

well onto a lighter note, the white hen in the pic has been pacing the fence all day singing, i think she has become used to the good life, she wants her baegles and cabbage leaves, she has been digging for worms, so mch so you almost can't see her in the hole she has dug looking for worms.

the pig has been "plowing" the paddock she has a big container of water she sits in then she goes to the dirt and rolls around in it, she is usally covered in mud, but it is funny you can see the "waterline" where she has not quite been able to get the water all over herself.

well i am running out of characters.

thank you so much for listening to me.

take care sis

Jacques

[angelite]

Thanks Sparkles for understanding. Nothing has been explained to me so I will take your advice and look into it.

It is something I'm keeping when needed. Probably not so ideal. It makes it so much easier that way.

Its been a couple of months since the last time, and your support and knowledge is helpful.

I'm doing my best.

Take care

Karen

[angelite]

Hey J

Great list I'm quite sure that there is so much more you can add. Before I help you with this we need to go back to the basics.

BREATHING!!!!!

If you are unable to manage that you will find it difficult to manage the other symptoms. Your capacity to cope is deminished if you are unable to regulate your breathing.

Have you been practicing my suggestions if not I will remind you. It will take practice but you will benefit greatly once you can master this technique.

If you have a mp3 player or calming music ie  a river running, sounds of nature something peaceful. Maybe easier with you eyes closed. Take a breathe in slowly count to five. Exhale slowly while counting to seven. Repeat if you find these dark thoughts continuing picture them floating down the river on a leaf, let them go. You are not your thoughts accept them and let them go. Even if you can picture them floating away on a cloud. Let them go. And continue to breathe. J if you can practice this I promise it will help you manage the other symptoms. I have posted this to you before go back and read it, I'm not sure how much sense I'm making. But it is there reach out and fight I have faith in you that you want better than what you are experiencing at the moment.

Remember you are in control of your own destiny youcan either reach out and accept my help or choose to continue down the same path. The choice is yours. You can beat this and you will get through you are strong and I am here for you and have faith.

J if I can battle the darkness so can you my strength I give to you, you are so special and I want to see you fight.

I am here for you and my support is unconditional. Please work on the breathing it is so important, it will also help with the shaking. 

I will post tomorrow I want to hear that you have been trying, you will succeed.

I would dearly love to be there to guide you through this but I'm here reaching out take the opportunity what have you got to loose. J I care never forget that you are not alone.

If you need to remember I'm here there is can poem especially for you, print it out take it with you that way you know I am hear holding your hand willing you to get through this.

Please fight.

Karen 

[Sparkles183]

Hi J

i be thinking  of you over this holiday season, please remember to breath...

if you have internet access remember I am here for you if you want to vent. 

take care sparkles,  

[angelite]

Hi J

I know its beed such an awful night for you. But the sun is up and the birds are singing. I hope you are out on your morning walk.

Iwant to challenge you today. I'm not going to push you into doing something you don't want to. Its entirely your choice. Do you really want better than where you are AT the moment or do you want things to stay as they are,

Whatever choice you make I'm here regardless. 

It worries me that you are having such a difficult time breathing, I understand what its like there are no words.

But you can choose to help yourself I've given you so information to help pleas try, 15-20 min at a time. Every two hours.

You are strong enough J and l have faith in you.

Please fight this, I hate seeing you suffer

Karen