panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hey Sparkles

I'm so sorry you have really been through a lot. But you are fighting, I am proud you reached out for help

[angelite]

Hi guys

Huge challenges today, up battling my demons all night. Hope your day goes ok. Thinking of you

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i am really struggling today too, i am so angry my hands have not shaken like this for a long time, i have even got to the stage of throwing things in frustration, i don't know what is wrong with me this week, things seem to be going down hill, i just can't wait until christmas is over, i don't think the 4 months of anxiety is worth 1-2 weeks of sitting around doing nothing at someone elses house, i just want to be at home.

sorry Karen i know you are doing it tough too, i really feel for you, but it looks like this week i can really relate to you.

i am sorry the shaking is getting too much to type, will send another message when i have calmed down, maybe tonight.

take care

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Karen & Sparkles,

i have managed to finish the boat (mostly), but oh boy, what a time i have had this past week, the anxiety is so uncontrollable, i can't sleep, continual shaking and studdering and so easily startled, the smallest noise and i jump, i am so tired and exhausted.

i have put a pic of the boat on BB, hope you like it, i think this may be the last boat i do for a while, my hands are just not up to it anymore, which is a shame, i really enjoy building them, but the shaking has taken the fun out of it.

Karen i hope you have managed to calm down a bit, and things get a bit easier on the weekend, please take care, i will try to send you some more encouragement when i can calm myself down.

Sparkles i hope today was a better day and hey another week down, and just one more to go, hooray, you have almost made it.

take care guys and try to have a quiet relaxing weekend;)

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi J

I'm so sorry you are struggling. Don't forget to break your days into hours plan to distract. Really bad days even if you go ten minutes at a time. Make an agreement with yourself that you can spend 15 minutes twice a day to worry. As you get better reduce the time.

Small steps eat , sleep, breathe. You are not your thoughts. Let them be accept them for what they are, just thoughts. You don't have to act on them just let them be they are just part of this stupid illness. They don't make you a bad person, just thoughts. I know they are awful but try to remind yourself YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS... You are Jacques a beautiful, kind, compassionate, worthwhile, extraordinary, considerate, person. With an awesome personality and very special.

What sort of music do you like J. I'm interested.

I'm sorry you at so frustrated is there anything in the garden you can do maybe just did a big hole, then fill it in again work off some of the agitation. I know you can find a way. You have done it before you can do it again. I have faith in you.

I understand the pressure of Christmas and having to go away. Have you tried to write a list of what concerns you the most. Write it all down I'm sure it will be a big list. Then ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. Write it down.  See if you can come up with coping strategies. I'd be interested in helping you come up with ideas to help you cope. Remember what is the worst thing that can happen and are there ways of coping if these things arise. I'm here to support you. Any way I can.

The shaking I know, its difficult to accept the more you try to stop it the worse it gets, so frustrating. Only suggestion is distract, aggression will make it worse. I was wondering do you have a punching bag, even made out of a hession bag, might help.

I hope you manage a rest and I'm still here for you anytime. Thanks J for you support. J you never have or will be a waste of space or resources, I can only speak for myself but I wouldn't be here if you hadn't given me the time , care and unconditional support without judging. Knowing that I'm not alone with the symptoms I suffer and hate and suggesting things that will help when I am unable. I hold hope for you J and have faith that things will someday be all that you wish for and more. If you can't see it I will be here to remind you.

You will get through Christmas and I will be here every step of the way to support you.

Please take care

Karen

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

What a really difficult week you've had. I'm sorry you are facing so many challenges at the moment. I'm so proud that you reached out for help there are always options available you just have to reach out. I understand how difficult that phone call. Would have been. Remember there are a lot of places available 24/7 and online if needed, they have helped me so much.

I'm sorry you had to suffer so much as a child, but you are challenging yourself and you are going to be an awesome een. When I was in the mhu the nurse that helped me the most was the one that also suffers with depression she understood the darkness, and the thoughts she was compassionate and showed a level of understanding that the other nurses couldn't. If you haven't experienced depression, anxiety and other stuff you just don't get it, all they know is what they have seen or read in text books.  That's what will make you a brilliant nurse because you can relate to people and know what its like to suffer, you have a level of understanding and can provide the comfort people need when unwell, scared

Never doubt yourself and what you have to offer. I have had over 11 operations over the years so I have experienced so many different levels of care and nurses. You will be an asset and perfect for the job. I believe in you.

Treat yourself on the weekend you deserve it. Maybe spend some time writing down what you achieve everyday no matter how little so you can look back and see what an awesome job you are doing and be proud. Even if its a phone call, or sticking up for your rights, that is just fantastic. Give it a go so at night when you are struggling you can look back at the achievements you have accomplished during that day. 

Take care little one

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques and Karen

I am so sorry to hear that you both are having a rough time, it must be the week for it

today was a lot better for me I finished work at this location so I just have another week to go. Yay…

also I don’t have to put up with that facilitator next week as I will be in another location, I also heard that  the other students complained about her as well, so I don’t think she be allowed to work with students for much longer, and the TAFE told her she had to pass us despite her threatening to fail every single student so that is good news.

Anyway I think I need to catch up with some sleep again this weekend as I got early,s  again all next week,

I hope you both are doing better I am thinking of you both.

Take care and please keep posting Jacques and Karen so I know you are ok,

from your baby Sis

 Sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

thank you so much, it really means a lot.

sorry i couldn't be their for you over the past couple of days, how are you going? did you make it to the doctors? did you get the car?

i had a thought, maybe you could text the smash repairer and ask them to deliver your car, i know in some rural areas they will do this.

how have the nights been, i know they have been tough for me, i can't imagine what they ar elike for you.

thank you for supporting me over christmas, i really apreciate it, i think i will need all the help i can get.

still struggling today with anger and agression, can't seem to calm down.

Music, well i like mainly forign music, Enigma, Enya, Rammstein, some indy music from the 90's, and any music that is sad, i can't seem to get into music of today, too repeditive.  i don't know why i like music that makes me sad, their is just something so powerful in it that seems to draw me to it. i don't know why.

please take care, thinking of you always.

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey Sparkles

Hope you are able to treat yourself over the weekend, coffee , and lots of sweet things. Stay strong and don't forget to reach out for help when you need to.

Take care little one

Karen

[angelite]

Hey J

Don't worry about me just concentrate on managing you symptoms I'm here if you need to chat

Look after yourself

Karen