panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques,

First you are allowed to vent when you want it is ok, we are here to support each other, please don’t be hard on yourself, I know it is a hard thing for you to go into town something my facilitator told me when I was having a hard day at work yesterday. Is when you do have a hard day make sure you reward yourself for making it through the day.

So please instead of running yourself down, please reward yourself, I think you are doing so well. I know it is hard for you to see people but you made it 

I  am glad to hear you made it through you consultation with your GP and you are already looking into seeing another GP in the future that is a huge step, I know I would of avoided going back and getting more meds and seeing another GP so you are a lot braver then you think. Please don’t feel guilty for having Anxiety, remember  everyone experiences anxiety you may just experience it a little bit more than others and that is ok

I still believe there is help out there for you.

You was lucky to go to your uncles place who lived so close to the shoreline, and see them dolphins, I only lived in Hawaii for about 9 months altogether in 3 different houses so I did not always have that view, now I am living back in Australia in the suburbs, so I have seen the sun rise every morning this past week on the way to work but the view was not good at all because it was just over ugly buildings, I can’t wait to I get to move to the country again, as I don’t like living in the suburbs.

Anyway I hope your weekend goes ok, good luck with building the boat I am so proud of you for going into town. I be thinking of you as you prepare yourself for Christmas

Take care

Sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

Thank you, i am glad i am able to help someone, it gives me a sense of achievment in my otherwise useless life.

i find i have the same problem, if i have to go out, since i am not used to it i get tired very quickly, so i am glad you are able to catch up on some much needed sleep, especially having to wake up at 3am, by the way how did the week go? was their any more problems with the work place? i hope the week went well and quick.

Thank you for the information on anxiety, you don't know how many people say to me you don't look like you suffer anxiety.  i have become so acustomed to hiding it from every one, but they do not see me pacing around the house for hours before and after they come near me, and the sleepless nights which are many, and the constant panic of my every day life.

i am happy to have the anxiety, but sometimes i think it would be nice to have normal anxiety and be able to function as a human being, instead of living a life of constant fear.

i know i am wasting my life and i have not noticed my 20's evapourate into nothing and now my 30's, my entire 20's have been locked inside one room of my mothers house, in that time i have been to only 2 parties (which i spent outside on my own) and thats about it, i will probebly be the only person on earth that will spend his entire life self excluded from a functioning life.

it is so hard to tell people that i have literraly done nothing in the past 14 years because i am so full of fear, it is embarrasing and i don't think people quite understand what i a msaying to them, people i do tell think i am just being over generalising, i suppose they find it hard to comprehend that a able bodied person can sit in a room and do nothing all day.

i am glad you have found a psyc that you find comfortable talking to, it makes all the difference doesn't it? i really hope you manage to get back on your feet and be able to have a happy and productive life from now on.

take care and i am sure this week will go just as fast as last week, remember after this week just 2 weeks to go.

bye

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

Please hang in their, i have just read your recent post on dispair please take care, i know how tuff things can get i am their more often than not, and i believe their is only one way out too, but we have to hang in their, for each others sake, i know how tuff it is without any help from family or friends, i have no friends too.

i will try to break problems into smaller time frames to make it easier, but it is hard i always seem to think 10 step ahead, i always have.  i am sorry Ambers suggestions aren't working at the moment, i have really tuff days/weeks too, you may need to really try to find something to do, to give your mind something else to do besides thinking about your past, i have found sleep works for me, (even though it is disrupted sleep) i know you get flashbacks so sleep is not an option for you, but do puzzles, crosswords, listen to music, anything you can do while you are in your car.

i am worried about you, i know how hard life can be , i am struggling too, so i know how it is.

please take care and keep up with the posts, i will reply when i see them.  i wish i could offer you more support, help through the dark times, just remember in your darkest times i am thinking of you.

look after yourself and if it gets too much please go to ER or call BB.

bye

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thank You Jacques,

Last week was ok I had both good and Bad days, Friday was the worse because the other staff member I was working with was bullying me to some degree, I had a little cry with my facilitator and made a goal to make it through the day.

I am glad you found that information  about anxiety useful you are right we become experts at hiding our mental illness that no one can tell we have it.

I am looking forward to next week when I have afternoon shifts that means no 3 am mornings until the following week.

Thanks for counting down the weeks with me I am counting down the weeks myself. I now have 2 more weeks at this work place then one more week at another work place then I am qualified yay…

I agree it would be nice to have a normal life, I wish I could drive around like everyone else and I wish I could go to work and not feel anxious and not sleep all weekend I feel it is just not fair sometimes.

But I know I can now get help to help me overcome the anxiety.  I hope you have an ok week as well and please look after yourself, and remember if you need to vent I am here to listen.

Take care

Sparkles

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen

You are Amazing, kind and compassionate person please remember that.

I have seen you helping so many people on these forums even though we can see that you are going through a hard time yourself.

Please keep looking after yourself and be kind to yourself

Take care  

sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

how are you today? i hope it was an easier weeked it must have been so tough during the week.

Well, now i know what a roast chicken feels like;) it is 43 degrees here today, i have spent the whole day spread out in front of the air conditioner, and i am still hot, boy if this is summer, i can't wait for winter!!!!!

i gave the frogs some cool water, as i thought they must be frog soup by this afternoon, so i gave them some nice fresh cool water, i hope they like it.

the poor birds have been standing in the hot air of the air conditioner to cool down, i feel so sorry for them, but i left plenty of water for them to splash around in and to drink.

not much else to report, just trying to stay cool.

Take care, hang in their and a BIG HUG to you too, my virtual sister;)

Bye

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

That is a shame, i wonder why people bully, i think they may be insecure them selves, or feel threatened, but i hope this week goes better for you, it sounds like the supervisor is very supportive, so thats good.

i am glad the 3am wakups are over for the week, i don't know how you did it, but you persevered and thats the important thing, WOW i can't believe how strong you are, facing mentl health problems head on and being strong enough to finish your tafe course too, you are an amazing woman, and i hope you manage to get a carreer out of it, you so deserve it!!!

Thank you i feel honoured you are their for me, i will try to have a good week, i will try to keep myself busy to stop thinking about the past and future, and just focus on the present.

good luck for the week ahead, please remember when you are having a tough time in the work place, just remember YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN......YOU CAN DO THIS....

Bye

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques

Thank you so much for your encouragement that means so much to me, I think it is hard for people who lives with depression to believe positive stuff about themselves, but it helps if we keep getting the encouragement we need.

 you are right my supervisor is amazing and she even said that she knows I can’t take affirmation because I keep believing negative stuff about myself but she said that she is going to keep affirming me and if she felt I was doing something wrong she would say it and she does not feel I am doing anything wrong. (But the problem is I always feel I am doing the wrong thing) You are not wrong about it being hot I think Australia is going through a bit of a heat wave you are lucky to have air-conditioning, I have no fans or aircon so I have to battle the heat the best way I can. I am a little bit proud of myself right now I just finished writing a complaint about the treatment I received under my old Psychologist, I am not looking forward to hearing the outcome or if I have face him again but I know I had to do it. If you look up my thread Regretting ever seeking help..... you will see the journey I been on in the last couple of months up until now where I was refusing to seek any more help because the way I was treated. I am so glad that you are going to try to have a good week that is a huge start, and it sounds to me you are practicing a bit of mindfulness and learning to live in the moment so that is great.   Take Care

Sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

well i suppose you are getting ready for your new week of work placement, i hope today goes well, i am happy to give you encouragement, you deserve it, you are so much stronger than me.

i am proud of you for writing a letter of complaint about your previous psychologist, there needs to be more accountability over these professionals, they get paid very well.  i think their needs to be some sort of screening to see if people are suitable to be a mental health professional, because they are dealing with fradgile people they need to show more compassion or find another area to work in.

i can't believe how many of us have had terrible experiances with mental health professionals, i know i always felt like i was treated like a joke just because i didn't fit the "criteria" for anxiety or depression.  i know when my father was trainning to be a psychologist all he nneded to do is memorize the text book to pass the course, he was never encouraged to say what he thought, he was almost discouraged from straying outside what the text books said.

i am sorry for venting, it just upsets me that people like yourself, Karen and me have had such a terrible time with them, it just makes things so much worse if you are treated badly.

bye

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

Thanks for still posting to me even though Im finding the clarity to respond difficult. Its cold and torrential rain. Really difficult days and I don't want to bring you down with me.

Another low having the police come to mums house. She is not impressed at all. Say that I humiliated her, she says such horrible things makes me so sad.

Thank you for sharing about the birds and frogs, you know how much I love animals I would even read about the grass growing anything for a distraction. Keep it up Jacques I appreciate it.

Even describe your boat, a room you're in or any work on the house I will listen.

Hope it's cooled down a little.

Please know how much your support means to me.

I am so humbled that you would have me as your virtual sister, that is something very special indeed, I will be honoured. Just remember I'm the eldest lol. But I think you would tower over me I'm not ever 5 ft tall. You will never know how special that was to me thank you. I need to rember that I do have friends even if I can't see them. Just lost my way. Thanks for the hug I definitely need one.

Please take care I'm thinking of you.

Hi Sparkles

Hope your week is a little easier and you have a routine, to help settle you. Thanks for the kind words, lost in the fog not sure how tofight this without the support I need. I don't want to go back to the mhu but I think I may not be left with an option.

Look after yourself

Karen