panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hi Jacques

That's awesome news I'm so proud of you taking the first step with E/couch, remember there is no pressure and you can do it at your own pace. I hope you can get some useful information from it.

 I know exactly how you feel about the journal, just trying to help. That's why I haven't started one. My note book is more helpful its full of Amber's tips on surfing the urges, anxiety, mindfulness, and grounding. I've also written in posative affirmations in it. The problem I'm finding is that when things are really bad I am unable to use the techniques that help. Very frustrating that the symptoms are that powerful and difficult to manage.

I did go to the doctors today the anxiety was horrendous, my gp has increased the strength of my medication. He is really worried about things, I'm just not doing so well. I'm worried I'll end up back in hospital and I don't want that. My days I break in to hours and distract. I wish I could find a way to fight the dark stuff.

I'm so sorry to hear about your gp you must be really upset knowing that you won't have that support. I an unable to manage change. I hope you can find another gp you can trust. I know how I felt when my psychologist told me she couldn't help me any more. Abandoned.

I am thinking of you tomorrow and sending you my best if I can do it so can you. I understand the emotional toll it has on you to have to go. But J you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I made the huge mistake of telling my mum the plan to renovate a property. She told me it was a stupid idea and that I wouldn't be able to do it. That I'm pathetic and can't get anything right. Doesn't she see how much her words hurt me. I'm just so stupid not being able get myself out of here. Abuse is so damaging.

Jacques I think that's the kindest thing anyone has ever said and thank you I'm so grateful that for the first time in my life I've experienced kindness and compassion. I never thought that would happen to me.

Oh and if you ever need any tips on renovating I'm only too happy to help.

Thanks J your kindness warms my heart, when I thought I could only feel darkness. Please be kind to yourself...

Hi Sparkles

Thanks for the info with the meds the Dr asked if I wanted to try another but it only been a couple of weeks, but things are slipping, I can feel the slide, so he's increased the strength.

You such a strong person, facing great challenges and I'm sure you will find the inner strength to succeed, have faith

[angelite]

Hi J

Thinking of you today hope everything goes ok and that you manage the best you can. You've got inner strength you've done it before deep breathes take care

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

thank you for your support, i went to the doctors at 3pm, i was very anxious from about 11, could not concentrate on anything, and about an hour before i had to go i was pacing the house, i was shaking so bad when i got their, i found it helps if i look at the ground and don't look at anything, anyway all went well got my script and that's it for another 6 months.

that is terrible that you mother said that, how can someone be so cruel and un-supportive, have you tryed to tell her how much her comments hurt you and that she is being just as abusive as your late husband? maybe she needs to hear how you feel, please don't give up on your dream, YOU CAN DO IT, just believe in your self, and remember you have done this before, you may need to listen to the lovely people on BB and not to anyone else. 

 HAve you tried speaking to White Knight, he has had the same problem with people being unkind to him, he just got away from the people who cause him harm, and only talks to people who are good for his mental health, it may be good for you to speak to him.

i am glad you managed the doctor, you and i made it, and we have made it through another day, take care, and listen to your doctor, the medication will help over time.

bye

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques

Thank you for your kind words I like sunsets and sunrises too, that pic was taken of one of the many beautiful sunsets when I lived in Hawaii a few years ago I really miss that place I was living on a hill overlooking the ocean and I had a great view of the killer whales who use to come and play in the afternoon, I do say not often people can say they go whale watching from their door step it was just magical.

My new psychologist, turned out to be super nice and she told me the way my other psychologist treated me was inappropriate. She is also a clinical psychologist so she is allowed to diagnose, she reckons I have social anxiety, that was bought on by witnessing the abuse my mother went through with my father. And a recurrent episode of moderate clinical depression. It was good that I could finely get a diagnoses so I know what I am dealing with.

I hope your doctor’s appointment  went well, and you manage to find a new GP, next year that will be able to help you.

Take care

Sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

Wow that sounds amazing, how lucky were you to have such a beautiful view to go to sleep and wake up to.

i am so happy for you, you have found someone who is willing to treat you right and help you, i hope this time the psyc will be able to help you with your problems and get you back on track, and living life again;)

yes i managed to make it through seeing the doctor, i was sad to hear he was leaving, but i wished him all the best, he cared for my father during his terminal illness, so their was a lot of history between us, i will go to my mothers doctor from now on. he is nice also.

i am sorry to hear you too have grown up with family problems like Karen, i feel so fortunate to have lived in a happy and calm household, that is why i feel so guilty about why i have anxiety, i have no reason to have it, others on here have had such terrible times and thing happening to them and i have not had anywere near the trauma some of you have had.

i remember one time when i was at my uncles place, he lived literally 2 meters from the shorline, i used to sit on the balcony and watch the dolphins playing about 10 meters away, it was so magcal, they used to visit his home every afternoon.  you were so lucky to have witnessed whales so close to your residence.

anyway i hope getting back to work placement goes smoothly for you and you don't have to many more troubles, take care and enjoy the rest of the day.

Bye

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen

It is now 3am in the morning and I am just about to head out to work, Ouch I am not liking these early mornings

I am glad you got to go back to your GP to talk about your medication. I went to my first psychologist appointment the other day and she was really good although it got me thinking maybe my medication is working a little bit as when she asked me question’s like when my concentration has started to improve my reply was a month and I was thinking on the way home that is maybe because I been on the med for 2 months. She also said that I am the first person she met with my level of social anxiety that enjoys going shopping, I had to giggle to myself a little bit because I am such a people person I would of never guessed I had social anxiety and I never of heard of the term before coming on these forums, but she is a clinical psychologist and I trust her, and I do fit the criteria.

Thanks for saying I am a strong person it is hard for me to believe right now as every time I see my clinical facilitator at work I shake and want to hide she is always telling me to breath and relax, I feel like a failure that I can’t do tasks around her without getting mixed up and shaking.

I did tell my best friend the other day that I feel like not returning to work then she told me if I gave up she will drag me into work kicking and screaming and she keeps reminding me I have only 3 and half weeks to go.

I think I am really blessed to have a friend like her she has helped me a lot this past year.

Any way I am off to work now I hope your day is ok

Take care

Sparkles

PS I believe you can do anything you put your mind to, don’t take any notice of what others say when they say you can’t do anything I believe in you.

[angelite]

Hey guys

Sparkles that sure is an early start, I'm so glad that your appointment with the psychologist went well. Good for you. You really are blessed to have a supportive friend I'm sure it makes all the difference. I don't think I could ever trust anyone, and would worry about getting hurt.

PS you are wrong with your last statement, you must be thinking of someone else. Look after yourself you are amazing, strong and kind. Than you.

Take care

Hey Jacques

Wow what a week and its not over yet. You are always in my thoughts and hope that you are managing another day. I'm not going to be here for awhile J I know you will understand why I will still be reading and thinking of.

J never underestimate your inner strength, you are so kind, warm, considerate thoughtful person. Keep going with your boat, and distraction's.

Take care 

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

Geeze you are not wrong, i had to go to town again yesterday, i am so exausted and tired of having to go to town to get things, i just wish i would be able to live the rest of my life without seeing another person, i had a huge headache and shaking for hours, i could not sleep last night worrying.  i can't believe i have turned out this way, everyone else can do this everyday without even thinking about it, i just can't do it.  no matter how hard i try, i seem to have been isolated for so long i just can't adapt to normal life again.

i hope everything is ok Karen, if you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate, look after yourself wherever you are.

i will be thinking of you too, i will continue with the boat, should have about 2 weeks left on it befor it is finished.

anyway sorry for the venting, just struggling at the moment, Christmas is just too overwhelming for me, just too busy for me, to much contact with people, i know you will understand what i am saying.

take care and be strong.

Bye

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

Yep sure been one of those weeks, yesterday was just awful same stuff here. I'm so sorry I wish I could give you a hug. 

I haven't gone anywhere, just struggling, and don't want to bring anyone down with me. I will just agree with everything you said and double that for me. Remember break problems into smaller more manageable pieces. Go hour by hour, don't look too far ahead. So you don't end up so overwhelmed.

Please J you don't have to apologize for your feelings they are OK and are exactly how I feel. There is nothing you can say that I don't already feel and I completely understand.  You are OK just being you and that's fine. We are all different and that's what makes us special. Never forget I UNDERSTAND, i get it.

Good luck with the boat I'm sure its going to be perfect, you must be so proud.

Be kind to yourself J

Big hugs

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques and Karen.

I just want  to thank you both for all the support you have been over the last 2 weeks, I still have 3 more weeks to go  but I don’t know where I be without your support and encouragement over the last two weeks.

I spent most of my  day  off sleeping again I think I just didn’t know how to handle the long days so I spend the weekend making up for the lost sleep.

Since all of us lives with anxiety I thought I share some information about anxiety  my Psychologist gave me the other day. It is some great info and I hope it will help you all.  

Learning fact about anxiety;

1)      Anxiety is normal, everyone experiences anxiety at times.

2)      Anxiety is not dangerous, although anxiety may feel uncomfortable, it is not dangerous or harmful to you, remember all the sensations you feel when you are anxious are to protect you from danger not hurt you.

3)      Anxiety does not last forever. When you are anxious, you may feel like anxiety is going to last forever. But anxiety is temporary and will eventually decrease.

4)      Anxiety is mostly anonymous. Most people (expect those close to you) cannot tell you are anxious many people live with anxiety and we would not even know.

5)       Anxiety occurs when we think we are in danger.  

I hope this info gives you something to think about,

have a good weekend  

Sparkles