panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques

Thank you for being so kind

my first day of work was amazing and my clinical facilitator seems nice all though it was only orientation today and we get into the hard work tomorrow.

It sad that you had to put up with that abuse all them years as no one deserves to be treated like that I was wondering do you think that is around the time your anxiety started?

Re professional help do you think you will ever reach out to get any help again?your psychologist had no right to treat you like that and should of taken you seriously, but maybe if you found another psychologist I don’t know how far the next town is but even if you have to travel  every few months or so it may be worth it. I don’t know it’s just a suggestion. 

I was also thinking have you tried doing an online causes? I am doing an online CBT cause at the moment and I have a therapist who contacts me every week to see how I am going with the CBT so far it seems good. I was thinking if you can’t go face maybe something on line will benefit you.

I am sorry about all the question’s I am just asking them because I care and I believe you can take a step forward. You are welcome to ask me any question’s or feel free to challenge me whenever you want.

Take care

Sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

i am so excited the day went well for you, it looks like your life is getting back on track, if the first day went well it sounds like you are really going to enjoy it.

i have had a high level of anxiety all my life, from about the age of 5, but the last mental breakdown happend about the same time the neighbour startedabusing me, my father died, i had a friend going through a nasty divorse and other things i can't talk about, i think it was a culmination of everything and i just broke down, and have never recovered.

thank you for being so concerned and asking me to get help it is much apreciated.

anyway have a good week, it sound like you will:)

Bye

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi Jacques

Thanks Sparkles for you kind words, and I hope your week goes OK with the challenges you are facing.

I also carry a note book my memory is terrible and brain fog makes everything so difficult. I have to write things down it also has all my grounding techniques in it.

Jacques I hope your week is OK I'm thinking of you and thank you for sharing how you feel with me. I thought I was the only one experiencing these things.

Take care

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

how is your car going? how did you go with the insurance company? i hope it is not too traumatic for you:)

how was your day?

my day was ok, i had to go into town which was not good, it took me two hours to stop shaking when i got home, i gave the frogs some water to swim in, they are so funny, i went out their and they saw me and slowly slid down into the pot plant, i laughed because they were so bright but they thought i didn't notice a bright green frog on a brown pot plant.  they bring me so much joy, watching them, then i noticed a new nest of birds in the yard, so it looks like i found where all of my vines are going, i saw most of it in the new nest.

so it looks like their will be a lot more birds in the yard, so it should be nice to sit out their and watch them of a weekend.

anyway not much else to say today, thinking of you

bye

jacques

[angelite]

Hi Jacques

Thanks for your suggestion about the insurance company it is an awesome idea. Any suggestions on how to take the car to get a quote, because that's just impossible. I am unable to go to strange places and be around men let alone talk to one.

I'm sorry you had to suffer abuse. I agree that verbal abuse certainly is more damaging, from experience I know what it has done to me.  The negative self talk still tells me that it was my fault, and that I deserved it. But thanks for the reminder I'm just not sure how to believe it. 

Jacques you also know that you were never to blame for the abuse you suffered, you are not responsible for someone else's behavior. I understand how you feel and I wish I could give you a hug, because you are so kind and considerate and I see how much you are hurting.

My gp is unable to find a psychologist who will take me on. I looked into getting private health insurance but there is a 12 month wait on pre existing health issues. 

I walked 5 km today and spent the rest of the day in the car. I'm so glad your frogs are doing well.

I had bad panic attack today in the supermarket after a flashback. I'm sick of the shaking too, have you found anything that helps with that, I would be interested to know. I have also been getting muscles twitches and spasms when I lie down, it's really strange and l don't know how to stop it. Sometimes my legs move or my hand, fingers, arm, its bizarre. Very hard to relax.

I know so much about you Jacques I was thinking if you need the distraction you could read my thread Despair Please Care. Its in the Trauma and Chronic Illness section. Then you would know about me. There are some great grounding techniques and helpful tips that you may find useful.

I was also wondering if you have looked into online help. Mind spot, offers help for depression and anxiety and its free. There are a few others if you look them up.

I hope you manage to get some rest after your day, thanks for your help.

Take care

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i am happy to help, i am glad you were able to get your insurance company online, the only thing i can think of with a quote, is look onine for a local repairer and see if they have a female receptionist, that way you will be dealing with a woman, otherwise you may need to go the hard yards and go to the repairer, most of them are friendly, i had to take my mothers car to get some rust fixed in her car, i was shaking so much, but they were really professional and treated me well.

if you could call them they might be able to come to you and give you a quote? might work, some workshops will pickup and deliver, worth a try?

i can't find anything to stop the shaking, i just try to sleep and when i wake up it is gone, but i am unable to control the anxiety or the shaking, memory loss, stuttering and sweating, it can get so bad sometimes, i also get dizzy too when i have to go to a strange place, and i fear talking to anyone.

i have started reading your thread, if i was able to cry i would, i have not been able to cry for decades, i couldn't even cry at my fathers funeral, i have been so numb to any emotion for so long i don't even remember what they feel like anymore.

you are so strong and brave, you have accomplished so much more than me, you are trying so hard and i am doing nothing to help myself, you have been to doctors, and psychologists to get help, i feel like such a failure compared to you, you are willing to get help, and they keep treating you badly, it's just not fair, you deserve so much more, and i hope one day you will get the help you are so much wanting.

i have thought about getting help online, but the will power just isn't their

i get the same problems with twitching, i have my arms and legs sometimes when i am in bed fly up in the air for no reason, it is very frustrating to get to sleep with the twitching, i mainly get the twitching in the shoulders and fingers, i have also started getting restless leg syndrome which is horrible, i just can't sleep when i get it, i am so

tired all of the time, i am sleeping more and more, and having absolutely no interest in anything.

please take care, and i will continue reading about your story.

Bye

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thank you Jacques and Karen

I had a hard day today, I just want to go under the bed to hide and cy until my tears run dry, I know I have to complete my work placement and everyone else believes in me I just need to start believing in myself.

Karen Have you done the online cause through mind spot before? just wanted to know what you think of it if you have.

I hope everyone is feeling ok this week and had a better day then I did

Take care

Sparkles

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

oh, no, what a shame your work placement started so well, how many days/weeks do you have to go?  you are doing so well, i wish i could do half of what you are able to achieve you are such an inspiration, not allowing you anxiety to control your life, i wish i could do something to help you though this tough time:)

i hope today goes better, and the rest of your work placement goes without any problems.

i will be thinking of you, and wishing you the best;)

bye

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi Jacques

It's really difficult not having a release, sometimes I think if I could just have a really good cry things would be so much easier to manage.

Thanks for the awesome ideas at the moment I'm finding my days are becoming really awful and in a dark place.  Spending a lot of time in the car isolated.

I hope when you read my thread you don't just see the bad stuff because there are some really helpful advice that has been shared by some awesome inspirational people. If only I could see things the way others do, life would be so much easier. I write all their suggestions down in my note book.

Jacques I think you are the one fighting and I have found strength in your words when I thought I could not get through another day. I have avoided taking medication I thought I needed to prove to myself that I was strong enough to fight this without help. I wanted to win this battle without anyone's help to prove that I deserve to be hear.  It's because of people like you I realize that I'm not weak because I need to take medication. I still don't like it but I find a way everyday to take it even though it is making me feel really unwell.

I hope your week is going OK and that you've managed to spend some time in the garden. Thinking of you.

Hi Sparkles

I'm sorry you're week is proving to be so difficult, you are so awesome going and facing your fears.

I did fill out the application for the course, unfortunately the people at mind spot contacted me and said that my symptoms are too complex for them.  That's why I came to BB, I have tried so hard to find the help I need only to have the doors slammed closed time after time. Even my gp has exhausted his contacts, I hope a solution will present itself very soon. The course

looks to me like it would be really helpful and they follow through with support regularly.

I hope the rest of your week is a bit easier for you, and that you manage some time out on the weekend to relax, try and do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

Take care

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Thanks Jacques

Today was a better day I just got a bit uptight and depressed in the last hour when people started to ask me why I shake all the time.

I meant to be working 5 days a week but we have tomorrow off because of a public holiday so I am spending the day with my best friend.

I am not looking forward to next week as I have to start getting up at 3 am so I can start work on the early shift.

I really need to learn to believe in myself more and stop being so uptight in myself and I need to think I only have 4 more weeks of this until I am finished.

Thank you for being so kind

I hope you have a good weekend

Sparkles