Overcoming anxiety of answering calls

[Xavius]

So a few years ago I worked as a technical supervisor in the call centre of company I won't name. Being the piggy in the middle between call centre agents and my manager, I'd get all the angry people. This definitely took its toll on me. It got so bad that I quit that job, moved out of town, cancelled my mobile phone contract, deactivated my sim card and of course, severe depression.

I didn't have a phone for about 2 years and I absolutely refused to answer any calls. I didn't even answer my ex partners phones when they asked me to take a message. I physically just couldn't do it.

To some people it may sound silly, it kinda does though. But still to this day I have lingering effects of it. Although I've progressed and actually have a phone now, I don't answer private numbers or any other numbers I don't know. I don't even make any calls, when I do, it's a short conversation. I don't call unless I really, really, really have to.

Was thinking about seeing a hypnotherapist to see if that could help, but I'm a sceptic.

Anyone have any tips?

[white knight]

Hi X, welcome

I know exactly that feeling.

When in the Air Force my mother wrote dramatic letters and that left me to this day 43 years later, getting chest flutters when emptying our letterbox.

Eventually 14 years later I had a workplace event that put me on work cover that had me under a therapist. That was 1987.

To this day I have to thank that therapist for steering me in the right direction and getting things into perspective. He picked me up on what was realistic and what thoughts were unrealistic.

Our fears from bad memories are scars on our mind. Seek help to overcome them. You won't entirely but you'll live happier.

Tony WK

[Proper_Etiquette]

Hi Xavius

I have had similar issues with being afraid to talk on the phone- though the roots are a bit different. Mine came from a speech disorder which was for some reason a lot worse over the phone, probably because of the fact that all you focus on is the talking.

I had a job in sales a few years ago and had to call customers to try and hard sell cars to them over the phone sometimes- I hated doing it and it hit me for six emotionally. One day I called someone and they answered and I just froze, couldn't say a word and hung up on them. That's when I realised I needed a new job.

One thing that's worked well for me over the years in growing confidence with phone calls is doing it with someone that you trust- even better if it is a girlfriend/partner. They can make the whole experience a lot more fun and the more I did it, the more confident I became. even things like flirting with your girl/guy (or more, I know I know it sounds crass) can take your mind off the anxiety for a while. Phone calls don't have to be a serious, scary thing and at least you can associate it with something good sometimes.

Hopefully that's some help for you mate and good luck!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Xavius,

Thanks for posting.

I worked in a community health centre and one of my roles there was the switchboard operator there. We got a lot of calls from patients and on a typical day we would get personal threats, bomb threats, harassed and screamed at. I think that it's very easy to be afraid of something so simple when we've been exposed to such harassment - which may I add, is often unprovoked and unexpected making it feel worse.

One of the things that helped me was recognising that my role got exposed to the most abuse, where as others didn't. I imagine your role would be the same; you were the "piggy in the middle" as you said - so it was just the consequences of your job that you had to put up with this. I assume that prior to this job you never (or rarely) had to tolerate the same. After I finished my job, I've rarely had any calls just like it. The situation you were in was unfortunate - but it was quite simply, within the job.

One of the things that might help to get your confidence up is to make and receive calls; it could start with people you know - ones that help you to feel safe and less anxious, and then slowly slowly working up to ones that make you feel less uncomfortable; like people you know less or acquaintances. If there's family or friends that understand this can help too; as that way they can help you practice and understand if you need to end the call quickly.

Another thing that might help is practicing techniques to lessen your anxiety. Self-talk is a major one (recognising that the likelihood of this happening again is low, and that if it did it would be unfortunate but you would still be okay) and breathing techniques to help stay calm.

As for hypnotherapy - this is not something I've personally tried before but I would maybe suggest trying out meditative/mindfulness type sessions first. Often there are things either on YouTube or on the Internet that are like hypnotherapy in that they provide the same effect, but without the high cost of the sessions.

[Xavius]

Hi everyone and thanks for the replies.

I apologise that my reply may be short. I'm not really coping at the moment.

I've been trying the different videos online, not sure if I have the wrong ones or that I'm just too unsettled to think straight.
I still have to find a therapist so will bring it up when I manage to find one.

As for building confidence with people I know, I don't really know people that I trust. I only have my mum, she has her own things to do and is always busy, plus I don't want to burden her more than I already have. No girlfriend (not sure if positive or negative lol)

I'm thankful for the age we live in though, where we can just type away.

Thanks again for the suggestions. I apologise if I offended anyone.

Richard

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Richard / Xavius,

Thanks for posting and checking in again. I'm sorry to hear you're not coping at the moment;- is there anything we can do to help?

Sometimes with anxiety it can be helpful to learn to recognise it; what happens when you get anxious? What does it feel like - how does your breathing change? Often meditation and mindfulness practices can be hard to get into, but a good first step can just be noticing your breathing. When we get anxious we can forget about our breathing and often it's the first thing to change.

Perhaps the calls is something your therapist might have ideas about;- or there might be someone else who you know (neighbours, friends, family, ex-colleagues) who could help.

Hope all goes well with finding a therapist. Feel free to let us know how you get on.

[pipsy]

Hi Xavious. Reading through your post, it sounds like a bit of PTSD here. Having to constantly deal with abuse from people whether known or unknown can be unreal. The job you had, made you the 'fall guy'. The buck stopped with you. Going to a hypnotist may work depending on the ability of the hypnotist to put you to 'sleep'. Also trusting the hypnotist comes into play a bit. Just a thought here. Does your mum have a 'mobile?' How about, without making too much of it, asking your mum to go out, wait for a while then call you, ask her to be the first to speak as you have developed a slight stutter. Tell her you're thinking of getting employment with the C.A.B and one of the requirements is the ability to listen on the phone. When mum rings, pick up the phone, wait for her to say 'hi'. Take a breath and say 'hi' back, nothing else. Remember, she is your mum, she will help you as long as she understands you have a problem. If you tell her you have developed a slight stutter, she possibly won't question this, instead she will concentrate on helping you. If, when she returns home, she does question, tell her the truth, apologize for the 'white lie'. You may have to repeat this exercise for a while, but over time your ability to talk via phone will return. It's the old adage here: to get back on the horse after falling off, the sooner, the better.

Lynda

[Xavius]

Hi romantic_thi3f and pipsy

romantic_thi3f - Thanks for the offer, but I honestly can't think of one thing that could help me. With my history of depression and anxiety, you'd think I'll have it down pat by now. I often make the joke that I'm "beyond help."

It does indeed feel like my chest is closing in, as if I can't catch my breath. I've tried many nights of laying in bed and just breathing. Some nights are fine, others not. If I manage to sleep 5 hours I'm fine with that. I've learnt to recognise when it's starting to be a bit overwhelming, at this point I go outside for a little walk although I can't walk for too long as my back gives me a lot of grief.

Since I moved to Australia 4 years ago, I've probably made one friend. She has severe depression too and me being the person that I am, I don't want to burden her with any of my issues. I just find it really difficult to make friends. Thank you for showing kindness.

Lynda - Thank you for your insight. It might be quite possible that it could be PTSD. At the same time my manager and I were accused of being racist (note this happened in South Africa). Being 6 years old when apartheid ended, I never really understood why I couldn't go play with my African friends. So I guess that situation hit me hard too.

With the exorbitant prices of seeing a hypnotherapist, I quickly changed my mind on that idea.

She does have a mobile. I think I just need to jump in the deep end. I'll call her sometime this week.

Thanks once again.

Richard

[pipsy]

Hi Xavius. I believe South Africa is still extremely racist. We had problems with the apartheid in N.Z when the Springboks toured years ago. Unfortunately racism is still very much alive and seems to be getting worse instead of better. I hope you can overcome your difficulty with phone use. I suggested your mum help you with her mobile as that way, you have someone you know and trust, also you can relax. I suffer PTSD as a result of trauma early in my life, I have found ways of dealing with it, although sometimes I feel it taking over.

Lynda

[Sophie_M]

Hi everyone,

This is a really interesting discussion and it's great to see so many suggestions on how to overcome anxious behaviour in the specific situation of answering phone calls.

Just a reminder for everyone participating (and those who may be just reading) that we cannot provide a diagnosis of mental health conditions here on the forums.  PTSD in particular is a complex mental health condition requiring treatment from a mental health professional, and here in the community we try to discourage guessing games based on a disclosed set of symptoms.  

What we encourage instead is the sharing of your personal experiences you may have in common; we are all experts on ourselves and that's the strength of peer support forums.