Hi canidothis
I find courage to be such an incredibly complex emotion. While sometimes it can be packed with fear, other times it can be filled with the calmness of a monk. While at times it can have the driving force of rage powering it, at other times it can be driven by sage like wisdom. No matter what feelings power courage, it can
- Physically, produce a rush of adrenaline and other forms of chemistry
- Mentally, involve the moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty (according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary) and
- Soulfully, express the language of the heart. It is either the intense expression of love for another or love for our self
I think at times we can be loving our self, through courage, without even realising. Sometimes it doesn't feel like the kind of love we've come to imagine. It doesn't feel soft and gentle or warm and joyful.
There are parts of me that are fearlessly courageous. As a mum, I have the lioness in me. I also have the intolerant cow in me that tends to channel itself when I have reached the absolute brink of tolerance. There is the quiet sage that pushes me through words of wisdom. There are other parts of me that do not know courage, such as the people pleaser who doesn't like to rock the boat (out of fear), the child in me that can't let go of being conditioned to do as I'm told etc etc. I find sometimes the real challenge can come down to the aftermath of the intolerant cow having come to life, for example. While I love this part of me, for it is great for my self esteem and it is a loving and upstanding part of me, serving me well, when it takes a back seat and the people pleaser in me comes back to life it can feel like hell. The inner dialogue can go a little like 'I can't believe you did that. Now you're in trouble. If you had have just done what you were told everything would be fine' and on and on it goes.
I think facets of us come to life when we really need them. I've found what facet of me takes the wheel after that is key. If you were to channel the sage in you, I can imagine it would now be saying something along of the lines of 'You were upstanding. You took what was yours and did not let anyone stop you. If they gave you no good reason to leave your things they were technically unreasonable (unable to reason) and that's not your fault, it's theirs'. As for reporting the 2IC, the choice remains yours - pursue it or let it go as an initial expression of 'You can't treat me how you'd like and expect no one to know about your behaviour'.
