Ocd pure o intrusive thoughts

[Flipperz]

Hey,
 
 I’m new to this and this will be my first time posting on any type of forum but I have been struggling for probably a few years now with 100% certainty pure o and also ADD both being undiagnosed so far but with some internet searches I strongly believe I have them ! I do think I have done quite some damage to my brain in my 20s with partying being my main focus for the majority and never really set meaningful goals so my brain chemistry has been a little wack for a while but porn has also been a problem so sexual thoughts were quite frequent but never really bothering me too much.
 
Until a few years ago multiple videos of some fetish pornography videos were shown to me and of-course shrugged and cringed as most would but out of nowhere I kept getting flashes of some of those scenes throughout the day and started thinking yuck why did that pop up in my mind but would only be about a dozen times per day but as I’ve read the more you dwell on a thought the stronger it becomes so fast forward a couple of years I now suffer with constant images of that theme which is extremely embarrassing to even admit even though I understand they are just thoughts but also just total confusion and scattered thinking to the point I can barely think at all or focus on any task at hand I quite literally feel I’m becoming demented at times but to the average eye I probably seem fine and I guess just a little slow sometimes!
 
I strictly have disgusting foul images, there is no voice in my head saying that I want to be this way or no urges at all and funny enough no real anxiety just pure disgust and feeling like I’ll never have nice thoughts and clarity again! I’ve seen a psychologist for a few sessions but he pretty much told me what I’ve already read and was costing too much, so now as I know I shouldn’t be doing is googling ways to attack this rotten monster that saps away at my soul and this is where I’m stuck because on one end is ERP but that’s aimed at reducing anxiety where I feel I don’t have much of that due to the thoughts only when I can’t give my undivided attention to someone and the other was from a book I read called brain lock where they talk about rewiring your brain chemistry through focused attention on anything you value so more of a mindfulness approach to getting through this disorder! I’m not sure which way to turn on this cross road :s I’m very sorry for the lack of grammar but I would love some advice thnx 🙂

[Petal22]

Hi Flipperz,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry you have been feeling this way…

I had severe anxiety OCD……. For me OCD was intrusive thoughts that seemed irrational but “ felt very real “ I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with this disorder, after diagnosis I did group therapy at a clinic that specialised in OCD…… this is we’re I learned to master my OCD….I was taught many strategies and skills to help me manage my OCD….. it took time and practice to master what I was taught but I’ve now recovered from the condition 4 years going strong….

The therapy I did was meta cognitive therapy……. OCD is a vicious cycle but it’s a cycle you can learn to break free of with the correct help.

id recommend you see some one who specialises in OCD I believe a normal phycologist may not have the full understanding of OCD….

Correct the more attention we give to a thought the more it comes back because the brain thinks it’s important……… you need to let a thought be there and then float away…. When you have the thoughts image redirect your attention to something in the present moment….. not on your thoughts ( it takes practice) meditation is also great you can learn to be the watcher of your thoughts and not get caught up in them…

Your not alone many people have this condition but you can learn to break free of its grips…..

im here if you want to chat

[Andyrock1981]

HI, This is actually my first post / reply and I am not sure if I can offer any great advice other than to also share my story which is somewhat similar. I do suffer from anxiety and I think it might also be due to partying a lot in my 20's!! A few years ago I was in europe with some friends (playing in a band) and we had just played a gig in Paris, we partied a little after the show and then slept in a house of the venue owner / promoter. I went to sleep on the top floor of this house (3 floors up), the room had a balcony window, I dreamt that I had woken up in the bed I was sleeping in and just jumped out of the window to my death, I woke up from the nightmare straight away and thought "what the hell?, that was a weird dream", the next day though the dream stuck with me and I couldn't help but think about it and wonder what was going on in my head that I would dream of jumping out a window. I was experiencing some anxiety at the time and these thoughts became all consuming, the thoughts became really intrusive, like obsessive to the point where I couldent think about anything else, the intrusive thought essentially became "do I want to kill myself? why did i dream of jumping out of a window? is my sub conscious mind telling me to kill myself?". (at no point have I felt suicidal or like I would harm myself)

As soon as I got home from the trip I sought some treatment, which was seeing a psych, which helped me unpack the thoughts and also learn more about intrusive thoughts and anxiety. There is a history of mental health in my family, mainly depression and schizophrenia. I was also worried I was developing schizophrenia but I am 40s now and my psych didn't think this was the case at all. He felt that the intrusive thoughts are essentially a symptom of my anxiety. I've also done a fair bit of my own research and I dont see a psych now but I have certain mindfulness activities that I use that are helpful as well as focusing on my music, going to the gym and playing golf! I also have a beautiful family (3 kids) that I am so grateful for and this gratitude keeps me sane. I now work in the mental health field and am studying to be a counsellor. Eckhart Tolle's "the power of now" has been super helpful to me as well. You are not your thoughts and they cant control you or force you to act a certain way. Reading these forums has also been really helpful, just knowing that we are not alone. Stay Strong!!

[Flipperz]

Thank you so much for your words ! Appreciate it deeply 🙂 I actually did see a ocd specialist but I don’t think I gave it enough time but will reconsider in the next month or so I don’t think I’d be ready for any group therapy but it’s good to know with the right guidance and mental training that I can get on top of this 🙂 I have been on and off with meditation but consistency is also something I struggle with I end up setting unrealistic goals like an hour every morning but feel like that would be the best way to sit with my uncontrollable scattered thoughts and images ! I Plan to really challenge myself for a good month and focus on my values no matter what ! Hopefully some neuroplasticity takes place and I feel a lot more confident with every day life 🙂 I know there’s light but have to get through uncertainty and keep that chin up ! Thoughts are just thoughts no matter what I suppose I will continue to March on 🙂

[*Marie*]

You're definitely not alone!

I have a form of OCD, known as OCPD (the 'P' stands for 'Personality').

I too get visions of random things that I've endured or seen and they do tend to pop up often, I find them disturbing to say the least.

The best thing I find to do is to just accept the images and know that there's nothing wrong with your mind accessing them and don't think there's anything wrong with you, it's just what our minds do due to the 'Obsessive' aspect of OCD.

You can also try to replace them in your mind when they decide to show up.

[Flipperz]

It’s definitely tough ! Also find it very hard to accept when it’s every waking moment but also not very vivid more just in the background with everything I do ! Being present and focusing is so much effort n feel it gets worse when I do try and concentrate on what ever at hand ! Can’t give up though I’ll continue to grind out my days and train this funny old mind 🙂 thnx for replying this forum has been very helpful x

[Petal22]

That’s ok Flipperz s,

I’m glad my words have helped you in some way………. If I can recover from this condition there is HOPE that you can aswell!

I felt a bit worried about doing group therapy in the beginning but I actually think it was great that I did the group therapy because I didn’t feel so alone I was doing the same therapy with others who had the same condition………. In our therapy we didn’t have to disclose any of our thoughts it was more an intervention into the OCD……. Just really learning what our OCD cycle was and how to disengage from it…….. I use to constantly google about OCD…. Before my therapy but I learned this was a compulsion of mine so I stopped doing it……… I highly recommend “ meta cognitive “ therapy for OCD it really helps people with OCD to break free of its cycle……..

The therapy I did was also available in one on one sessions……

Thats great you saw a OCD specialist….. did they give you many tools? My therapy was for 8 weeks…. ( once a week we would do the group therapy) the therapy was taught by trainees at a university which was under the guidance of a doctor….. they specialised in OCD…….

You really need to practice the skills you are taught….. it’s well worth it….. we can break free of OCD…..

I did meditation before sleep I did one in my therapy it was guided meditation for learning to watch your thoughts…… it taught me I’m not my thoughts but the watcher of my thoughts…… you too can learn this……. I can now sit back and watch my thoughts and not get caught up in them…..

We learned to challenge our thoughts also in therapy this was very useful….. have you learned how to do this?

Yes thoughts are just thoughts but when you are caught up in the OCD cycle they can feel like more…. You CAN learn to disengage from this….

Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel…….. keep moving forward 😊

Please know I’m here to support you and to chat you……..

[*Marie*]

Yes, it's definitely not easy.

You'll find a way to get through this, let's try to stay strong and work on this together 🙂

[Petal22]

Hi Andyrock1981,

Wellcome to our forums!

Thank you so much for your post… it helps others to see other people’s stories and posts it shows us we are never alone……

When I did my OCD therapy we all disclosed one intrusive thought each in our group even the therapists, it just proved to everyone in the therapy that we all have intrusive thoughts….

When you have OCD we know the thoughts seem irrational but they feel very real……… with meta cognitive therapy it teaches the person with OCD how to disengage from the vicious cycle of OCD……

Thats great you are in the mental health field and studying to be a councillor….

Wishing you all the best