Not sure what to do...

[Wasso64]

Hi,

I have only just joined and its kind of reassuring to see other people dealing with similar issues. I was supposed to have my first ever counselling session today which i was feeling optimistic about but I couldn't leave the house this morning and I'm now feeling worse then ever. I have  the most amazing husband who is so lovely and sweet but just doesn't understand how it feels to worry over every single tiny thing and feel like people are laughing at you or hating you all the time even though you know it's probably not true. 

Every time I leave the house I feel like something bad happens or I build it up so much in my head that it feels awful and I always find something negative to take away from it no matter what it seems really difficult to have a positive or happy experience without something bad happening afterwards even thinking back to our beautiful wedding all the negative points are foremost i my mind before the happy ones. We live with my inlaws and I'm certain they think I'm rude and lazy as I can't leave the house and try to avoid socialising with them I don't mean anything personal against them it's just that socialising is difficult and essentially a chore for me. I feel like I say stupid things and always feel awkward and misunderstood. My friends at uni have started talking about me and getting annoyed that I miss so many classes when they always go I still work really hard and I'm happy with my marks but I constantly feel judged by them which ironically makes it harder to go and confront them so I miss even more classes.

will go to the ends of the earth to avoid confrontation which is very difficult as I work on checkouts in a supermarket and deal with some pretty horrible people sometimes on a daily basis  and just have to take it. Simple daily tasks that are so easy and normal for people become massive mountains for me and I can get so worked up over it then I feel really lazy and awful and I've been gaining a lot of weight which in turn makes me more uncomfortable to go out as I feel like nothing looks nice and have never really had good self esteem. 

I really wish I could have made my appointment today, I feel like I'm missing out on my entire life and friends and ruining my husbands life too. I get way too much sleep and still feel tired constantly.

my sisters and family get annoyed and angry with me as I go for months without talking to them it's not intentional i just don't realise. I know what I should do I just put up all these blockages I make myself and feel so stuck and as though people don't really understand or just think I'm shy or a bit weird.

i just needed to let some of this out as I'm having a particularly bad day today.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Wasso64,

Something bad might happen if you leave the house ?   Isn't something bad happening if you DON'T leave the house too ?

Don't worry about the missed appointment as it's common with mental health to baulk at the last minute or cancel the day before.  You can always re-schedule.  A first appointment might contain some form filling or multiple choice you can take home and fill out.  I can't think of anything worse than finally getting to a therapist only to be asked to sit there like a stunned mullet while forms are filled in.  If you want to make the appointment and also make it work try and get as much talking time as possible.

Check out work is a bit soul destroying but then you only get a difficult customer for 5 mins.   I once worked with autistic adults and it was potentially like being with a difficult customer for 6 hours.  Plenty of drama.   So what if you're putting on weight ?  Working 10 cm away from a huge confectionary display probably doesn't help.

I'm not sure I could ever had lived with my in laws so congratulations for managing this.   You must have great diplomacy skills and be courteous.  Sometimes when we say the wrong awkward thing it's instantly forgotten.    I made a joke yesterday about the Middle C on the piano and how musicians I deal with are jazz cats.   In the end, I reckoned that a cat sitting on the tonic (middle C) could be called a cat-a'-tonic (cat at tonic).  It was about then that my wife, severely knackered from a return flight from San Francisco, picked up a large jug of water and threatened to baptise me with it.  Do you think anyone's gonna remember that nonsense in a week's time ?  Probably not.

I always reckon you should try a dummy run.   Get ready, get in the car, drive to the counsellor's office and then look for a nice cafe to have a tea/coffee after you eventually get to that first session.    If you can do the dummy run you should have a fair crack at the real thing.  That old addage:  to try is to succeed.

Adios, David.

PS  Do in laws ever stop fussing ?  Keep that jug of water handy.

[CarolineCarr]

Hi - you're definitely not alone in this Wasso64, and you are NOT weird. Anxiety is very, very scary, and it's not helped by the fact that many people just don't understand how intense your fears can be, and how ill you can sometimes feel.

Could you download some information about it that others in your family might read, because once they understand a little, they are more likely to be more helpful. Perhaps someone would go with you to your appointment - just to support you on the way there and back?

You will come through this. It can take time though, and help and support will speed up the healing process.