New relationship

[worriedandlost]

Hi 

i sufferered from anxiety when my 23 year marriage ended , its taken me 6 years to find someone that i want to spend the rest of my life with . Trouble is she had a previous hard marriage and wants to take it slow which is fine 

she has always been open honest and upfront about her feelings and we are in a good place but i find myself being overwhelmed with anxiety and wondering if she will just leave (even though she has never said anything to give me that impression) i find myself waiting on her next text or call and get anxious when she doesnt , i spend a great portion of my day constantly thinking about her and its now affecting my work and friends 

i dont know what to do or how to get back to being relaxed me that i was 

would love some help as i dont want to lose this amazing lady 

[Sophie_M]

Hi worriedandlost,  Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others who understand what you’re going through. We can hear how difficult it has been lately, we’re so sorry that’s been going on.  If you’re not sure what your next steps are, or just want to talk through what you’re feeling right now, we’d highly recommend calling the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors there are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of the anxiety symptoms. You can also reach them via web chat.  

If you did want to reach out to Relationships Australia, you can call them on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on communication in relationships.  Our community will be able to relate to a lot of what you’ve been going through and be able to share some of the methods that have helped them. Here’s some resources from our website that might help:  The Beyond Blue pages on treatments for anxiety  Some strategies for managing anxiety   Thanks again for sharing. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else.  Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[Fern42]

Hi Worriedandlost,

Firstly that is great that you have found someone new that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Do you happen to know much about attachment styles? I feel like understanding these might help you understand why you are feeling the way you are in this relationship. I would be inclined to advise you to look up anxious attachment styles. Let me know how you go with that and I might be able to help chat about this with you.

[worriedandlost]

Thanks for the comments found it very useful i did a attachment test and came up with secure - my formative years were great its just with relationships i perceive doubt that it will last even though no indication its going anything but good 

My main issue is that i think i have stronger  feelings and want to please her at the detriment to myself as im not  getting that back (yet)  

[HelloGail]

Firstly, she is a very lucky woman for you sound genuine but as you written she had a bad marriage. It takes about six months for a relationship to bond. My daughter has been with her guy for 5 years now still no wedding they just enjoy each others company and in their 3rd year they eventually moved in together. If you stay patient and calm she will see your strength as you sound to be very loyal and reliable and she would see that but someone who is too keen frighten her unnecessarily away. How long have you been seeing each other? 

[HelloGail]

May I add as Sophie _M recommended Relationship Australia. I have had 2 appointments with them since January and having a 3rd in a few weeks. If you really want this new relationship to work, you are going to need their help. I can't recommend Relationship Australia highly enough, it is cool and calm organisation not clinical and it's hard going alone in a relationship and you will better as like me you won't have to put any strain on your other relationships, eg your friends or family. Best wishes.