New member with anxiety struggling at corporate job

[Gemmm9]

Hi everyone, I’m new here.

I have battled with anxiety for what feels like the most of my life. I am 25 years old. I’ve been feeling VERY down lately and I think I may be experiencing depression. Out of the 7 days of the week, I would say I’m miserable 6 days. I regularly exercise and eat a very healthy diet. I have a good support network of friends and family. My issue comes down to my own brain. I can’t switch off and worry about everything and anything.

I had a really bad experience when I was 17 years old and my parents took me to see a psychologist. The psychologist immediately put me on medication. I was on anxiety medication for two years but I felt spaced out constantly and not myself at all. I was so airy fairy... My family and friends noticed that I was a completely different person. I was numb. i decided to get off the medication on my own and stop taking it ( would not recommend, I had terrible withdrawals and ended up in hospital) from then I always struggled with my anxiety.

currently- I am in a corporate government job that is a highly stressful . I am struggling to communicate with colleagues. I feel I can’t make eye contact with anyone and whenever I need to present to a group, I am crippled with anxiety for days and cannot sleep properly. I am finding that I now struggle to remember words and I struggle to put sentences together. I wake up at least 8 times per night. I have lost all my confidence and I constantly worry people are thinking how dumb I am ( I understand this is irrational but that’s how I feel). I cry nearly every day after work. I have panic attacks on a weekly basis. I’m at the point where I have decided I need to quit my job and do something that is less stressful.

some questions I’m hoping you all can help out with...

1) is there anyone on here who has left a corporate job due to anxiety and how did you feel in a less demanding job? Did you then find something else to ‘worry’ about or did it help you find peace?

2) has anyone had good experience with anxiety medication and would it be worthwhile me trying it again.. are all anxiety medication the same? Or could I find my ‘fit’?

3) any other thoughts/ comments would be appreciated

Gemmm

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue

I will answer your second question - my medication was prescribed by a psychiatrist. I am currently on one that I am happy with. Relatively speaking. But there was a bit of trial and error to find the right one and dosage level. I still worry about things but I do not have the physical symptoms like I once had.

Based on my own experience I would also think that if could get a proper sleep then the other things that you think about might not be so great. And there are a couple of things you can try here - search for sleep hygiene and the other thing is to try to go to sleep with thoughts that are not worrying. Me, rather than thinking about work, I will do a puzzle or read

I won't tell you what you should do about your job and I think that I have a little knowledge what you are going through from my own experience. You could also look at the threads on grounding and mindfulness on the forums here.

Listening to you

Tim

[Here_I_am]

Hi Gemmm9,

I can appreciate where you're coming from with the desire to step off to the side for a while professionally. I have done this recently, although it wasn't entirely by choice. My role in a managerial position was unexpectedly made redundant, and this is what set off my first experience with anxiety. As the cards started to fall, my mental health declined, and I found myself very unwilling to be in vulnerable positions again with employment. I resolved to take a step backward professionally, and am currently in a role that I am over qualified for.

My anxiety is much better now, however that is likely due to my management of it rather than employment. 🙂

I definitely feel taking the breather from climbing ladders and stretching myself has been a good decision. It's allowed me to focus on my mental health. I can leave work 'at work'. I am not the chief decision maker. I have a PD and as long as I do my role, their is little else for me to concern myself with. It's a selfish time for me as I am not working to my fullest potential, but I am cool with that.

Financially it's difficult, and this brings new stressors of course. But all in all, my anxiety is manageable (still there), I am happier than I was, and I've learned a lot of lessons along the way.

I have been lucky to have found a medication that is working for me from the outset. I have no desire to cease taking it until my doctor says it's time.

I hope you find a path that feels right for you, and that your resolution improves your well-being. Feeling better about ourselves is really valuable if we stand any chance in making smart decisions that lead to good outcomes rather than merely more comfortable situations.

Hope to talk soon.

[CoraC]

Hi Gemmm9

i can relate to much of your situation. After experience severe anxiety that was exacerbated by a stressful corporate job I decided I didn't want that level of stress in my life. I resolved to work in positions that wouldn't contribute so much to my anxiety. I took jobs that were less stressful and, as Here I Am says, the financial impact is something to consider, but overall it's been the best decision for me. I've been questioned a lot re why do I want to 'drop back' in my career, and employers have tried to push me into taking roles with more responsibility, and more stress. This is a tough one as I'm not someone who is open about by mental health issues, especially with employers, so I've come up with other reasons.

Financially it's been hard but on balance I know I wouldn't be in good shape in a more stressful position.

re the medication question, through much trial and error (including medications that made my condition worse) I have found one that works for me. It's not a magic solution to everything but it is a leg up., and I'm grateful for it.

all the best

[Bunyip007]

Hi Gemm,

I hear your pain , I too am in a corporate job ( middle management) The stress is immense, as i am typically seen as the go to person for most things.To me i like to be a high achiever , so part this issue is myself. The job role i am is extremely customer focused and often having to difficult conversations that some take personally. What makes work more complex there are a few in the office that openly talk about me in front of others. Comments typically are not nice. My manager is based in another country and often does not understand Australian Culture and work place. It is accepted in her view that work is first , family is last. The last few years at least my Wife and others have picked up on how much i have changed as a person . These days i keep most issues to myself , and would prefer to be by myself. With the stress it is effecting the family unit as a result.

As i am the sole income earner , it makes it even tougher. As often i feel , looking over my shoulder hopeing i do not loose my job. As financially starting at a lower position would be crippling . Common comments from my wife and kids, is that i work all the time. Which no doubt is the truth. I have not slept well in years as a result, and it also is not uncommon to respond to emails on my phone at 3 AM. Mainly due to not being able to sleep. And worrying about tasks and other things that need to be done or complete.

What i have found helpful the last few weeks , is physically putting my phone away on the kitchen bench away from the bedroom. This has helped but a long way to go, to figure out to move on with this. I am thankful that i have found a work mate , he too has gone through and is going through what i am. So we talk all the time. He has suggested through the week at least once , watch a funny movie or the comedy channel. Just laugh. It works.

[RPF]

Hi Gemmm9, and others that have replied. I am brand new here. Been experiencing (suffering?) anxiety for only about 6 months. I am in my late 50's so that seems a bit weird. Always had some level of stress, but always managed it. I am in middle - senior management and have similar issues to some of those in this thread. In fact so similar it made be feel a bit better that others have the same symptoms. Loss of confidence at times, poor sleep habits, worrying about any and everything when I know that some of it isn't valid. I am seeing a professional which is helping a bit. But creating a circuit breaker in my head is easier said than done. Its like a whirlpool of thoughts going through my mind. I try to practice mindfulness with a small amount of success. Just started with a meditation app on the phone which is relaxing. I'm not on medication and dont want to be. I have bosses all over the place - good people, but small things really put my nose out of joint. I am also thinking about scaling back, and also concerned that it might not be the job, but me and therefore I scale back with the financial considerations and still have the same anxieties. (I haven't spoken this much about it - typing is easier than talking) - cheers

[Anxoid]

Ive found, over 20yrs on ssri's, they certainly can work for anxiety, but work better for depression.

Side effects have varied greatly, for me, depending on the drug, from absolutely aweful, to not too bad at all.

[Mygalhermione]

Hi Gemmm9 and everyone. I'm also a newbie to the forum and have been spending a bit of time reading a number of threads looking for discussion topics I could relate to - this is one of them.

I can totally relate to what you are saying Gemmm9. Like many of you who have replied before me, I also left the corporate world after experiencing chronic anxiety triggered by a job where I constantly felt I wasn't good enough. I would hear disapproval and reproach from my boss and other senior management in every conversation and email. I dreaded seeing an email from my boss as I worried I was about to be reprimanded for something. I hated going to meetings where I felt my 'incompetence' could be exposed. It got to a point where I think I lost the ability to distinguish between what was real and what was in my mind.

I eventually left the job and started a new one shortly afterwards, Everything was fine for a few months and then the anxiety returned. Having not been in this new job for long, I felt I couldn't leave and this made the anxiety worse as I felt trapped.

I realised at this time that the anxiety, whilst triggered by certain events at work, was really more to do with what was going on within me and that getting another job would just result in me taking the anxiety with me.

I visited my GP and got a referral to a Psychiatrist who recommended anxiety medication and a course of CBT. It took a few weeks for the meds to kick in but I'm glad I stuck it out as they have been a big help. I don't suffer from any side affects at all. Meds are not the complete solution and not for everyone but for me they've been, and continue to be, a key part of the ongoing management of my anxiety.

One thing I will say is that its important to find a therapist that you click with and who works with you to find techniques/strategies that work for you rather than a one size fits all approach. I have met some really lazy therapists on my journey and it took time to find someone who I had confidence in.

I hope this helps.

Mygalhermione

[blondguy]

Hi Gemmm9 (and welcome Bunyip007 RPF Anxoid and Mygalhermione) 🙂

Good on you for having the strength to post on the forums!

There are many very helpful posts from people that have shared their own life experience above

I am ex senior corporate and understand your situation...Just a couple of points if I may..

• The more frequent our counseling the better our recovery will be..
• Meds (if suggested by our GP/Psych) can provide us with a solid foundation on which we can heal more effectively combined with a good Doc and all the coping mechanisms that are available to us
• 23 years on SSRI's which (just for myself) have helped me help myself....and save my relationships...career..sleep and general well being 🙂

If anyone wishes to write their own thread topic, you are more than welcome as you will have more replies that focus on your own individual circumstances.....I really hope you can!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Unforgettable_fire]

Hi Gemmm9, I really feel for what you're going through. It's a tough one, to answer your first question, I found that by stepping down from my role, I was still anxious because I felt that I wasn't achieving what I was capable of, I seemed to put more pressure on myself. I think in terms of medication it may be worthwhile preserving and trying to find the right fit of medication. Through trial and error you will find something that maybe able to bring your anxiety into equilibrium. If you are working for a corporate or government organisation, most organisations have an Employee Assistance program that you can use which is confidential, I strongly recommend you reach out for that assistance. I would also suggest other methods of therapy such as meditation, it may help calm your mind. I wish you well, you will get through this.