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My partner & I split due to his mental health
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My partner & I just spent the last 9 months together. For a few weeks we were having it pretty rough, I felt like He was pushing me away with no explanation as he has never been good with communication (which we were slowly working on).
A few days ago he decided it was best to break up so he was able to find himself again and mentally be a better person for himself. He didn't want to keep upsetting me as I had made my concerns about how i felt over the last few weeks known without being pushy for answers.
He still wants to remain friends for now, not just messaging eachother. But hanging out, having me stay at his house, as well as being inimate with one another. We have spoken everyday since the break up but kept it pretty basic. He has said He does feel strongly about us getting back together, he doesnt want to tell his family about the break up because he feels strongly about it being a temporary thing. but he also doesn't want to make any promises as, he doesn't know where mine or his own headspace will be once he is better within in his mental health. We also both need to make changes we felt weren't helping our relationship at the time. Which im willing to change and respect.
So I guess im asking, has anyone been in the same situation with your ex? How did it go? If you did end up back together how did it go?
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Hi, welcome
I commend you both for thinking outside the square with your "break up" and being realistic, to give your relationship some chance of surviving.
The problem with a carer (yourself) is- who cares for the carer? One of the most difficult things for a person with mental health issues is relying on their partner or family member for understanding of an illness that isnt visible. That alone leaves the sufferer with an emptiness that they should understand but dont. To put this into perspective, it is not unlike an astronaut returning from walking on the moon and trying to get people to understand what it is like. How successful could that be? So how could those in society know how it feels to have depression or anxiety or worse- bipolar or multiple illnesses?
The moment we sufferers turn to a group of people like this forum, whereby "birds of a feather" congregate, to release their life's issues, is the moment they in turn release their carer and family from their lack of understanding obligations. This can be crucial to the couple as a whole because the sufferer can turn to other means to find comfort. The carer can be in on the communication the forum provides and you can both grow together, but essentially, when the sufferer has an issue they can refrain initially from putting pressure on their partner for answers and leave that time for happier times. eg relive the carer from some of the venting.
I've read your post a few times and I'm convinced you both can return to each other as you were with a few tweeks like the one above. Imagine (say he has depression) if he was in a depressive cycle and instead of mentioning it to you in initially, he read some threads here on the topic. One is below-
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708
Following that revelation that instead of him trying to motivate himself during a cycle of depression he would be better off waiting until his depression goes through its cycle then introducing motivation, he could share a cuppa with you to chat about the changes he could introduce at that point. Both of you wouldnt be at loggerheads during the depressive cycle, you would both realise that trying hard at that point is futile, so you'd wait for the more ideal point before putting energy into it.
That is mere one suggestion in that thread, there are so many of them and members here plus community champions, are here to advise based on lived experience which is a valuable form of knowledge. Add to that any professional care and you can find a mix of information that will surprise you both.
A couple or family living with a mental illness is a challenging situation. Neither of you can be blamed for the break up you find yourselves in. With the love still present and essentially apart from living apart, your relationship continuing, there's every chance you can reunite under one roof. I've got a few other posts below for you both to read, you only need to read the first post of each link. I hope that helps.
"With any mental illness one has to seek out the help needed so it's that effective you will eventually accept it as easily as putting out the garbage... well almost..."
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/caring-for-your-well-partner/td-p/51931
Reply anytime
TonyWK
