My First Anxiety Attack

[unsureaboutallofthis]

I guess I've been battling mild anxiety for years. I'm just too stubborn to ask for help. And my family has such a huge history of mental illness, and over the past 12 months so many awful things have happened - I just could never justify putting my own hand up for help while others clearly suffered so much more. Lately, I've felt it growing. I've had freak outs and panics about seemingly pointless things, I've had that horrendous tight feeling in my chest, all for years but lately (maybe the last 4-6 months) it's been so much more frequent and severe. It's like there is no reasons, no causes, it just sits with me all day.

It is that nagging, ball in my throat feeling that yesterday manifested in a full blown anxiety attack. I could feel it getting heavier, and eventually that tightness was so painful I just couldn't breathe anymore. I was at work and for two hours sat in silence and struggled through. As soon as I got onto my usual train home, I lost it. I was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably and I don't know how more people didn't notice the girl in the corner losing herself...

I've never ever felt anything like this. It was uncontrollable, exhausting, all the while being a wake up call too... I need help. I've needed it for a long time, and it's ok for me to ask. 

Today I'm left reeling. I'm sleepy, and I feel like I'm just going through the motions at work. My chest is still so tight, and it's working it's way up again and it scares me. I want to keep it under control but I feel so lost. I forced myself out the door and have just been zoned out quietly at my desk.

I'm writing this to get it off my chest and hopefully maybe to get some advice on how to handle myself, or where to go from here. I've watched my sisters go through so much worse, but I myself don't know where to start. I'm so lost!

[Neil_1]

Dear uaaot (see what I did there;   took the first letter from each of the words to make an abbreviation – I was hoping for some more resembling a word, but …)   maybe, Unsure might be better.

Dear unsure,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.  It can be a big step to do this and it is also a very good and positive step to take.  Even for the simplicity of writing this all down, it can sometimes be a kind of therapeutic thing.

There were 7 words that you wrote that really bounced out at me;  because you have found that it is simply time for you to act on this and those words were:  “and it’s ok for me to ask”.   Yes yes yes, absolutely it’s ok to ask and I’m so pleased that you have done this.

Battling something like this on your own is too difficult and nigh on impossible.

Seeking out professional help is, I believe a next good step to take.  Not sure if you have a GP you go to, but on this site, Beyond Blue have listed a whole stack of docs and with these docs, people go along safe in the knowledge that you will be treated professionally and diagnosed properly as these docs all have experience in dealing with instances of mental health issues.  They are also able to provide a suitable referral to you to a psychologist who would be suitable for you, if they deem it necessary, as well as for suitable medication, again if deemed necessary.

Do you feel as though you’ve got support at home;   siblings or perhaps with other family members or even friends?   Although all of these can be of differing levels of support, as each person generally reacts differently to mental health issues.  Some are awesome and are a huge support, while others don’t want to know about it or simply refuse to acknowledge.

It is awesome to read you’ve got a job – as best as you can, hang on to that job, for so many reasons;   obviously financial, but also the fact that you’re working and getting out and about (even though at times it is damn tough).

I’ll send this off now, but do hope that you can come back and post again.

Neil

[TheSteve]

Hi Unsure,

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to the club! I know, that sounds a bit smug but I guess what I'm saying is you are not alone, most of us understand what an anxiety attack feels like and we really empathize with you. Know that you have our full support and understanding, and we'll be here for you as much as you need.

Neil is spot on - go and get some help. You don't suffer through these tough times alone, there are professionals out there that can help you understand what it is that is going on, how to deal with the immediate effects of anxiety and panic, and how to peel these back and minimize these feelings over time. Get the help you need right away.

A couple of things I've learned about anxiety and panic over the years:

- If we expect anxiety, we will get it. Our mind creates our reality.

- The more we experience anxiety, the more we expect it. The more we expect it, the more we get it. This is a cycle, and just as it has become habit behaviour to experience this, it needs to be stopped and habits formed to reverse it.

- Mindfulness is a cure for the expectation of anxiety, and thus for anxiety. The ability (which we all have) to catch the thoughts/feelings as they arise; acknowledge them; sit with them and face them without judgement; wait for them to transform and weaken; and ultimately see them off, and to practice this every time we experience anxiety, is the best and most permanent cure.

- Mindfulness is stronger than anxiety, and it is within our control.

- We can learn to breathe to calm ourselves in anxious situations, another tool in our arsenal of gaining back control over the situation

- Anxiety is a temporary situation, it is not our natural nor permanent state

I hope this helps, we are here to talk as needed. Good luck to you.

Steve