My feelings

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

I have feelings that I have and when people don't respect them (if this is the correct word) I feel worthless. And when other people feel one way, I feel bad for not feeling that way, I'm sorry, that's the way I can explain, I 'm not explaining it well.

For example, at work, I'm the only one who wears a short sleeve tee shirt & everyone else complains about the cold, I feel the odd one out for not feeling cold. I have made the mistake of explaining but this just makes them angry, they don't want to hear this, I've even said, perhaps the area is too large an area to heat up, the smaller the room, the quicker it is to heat, or is this completely wrong!

I know, I know, I shouldn't say anything, I need to be prepared for the opposite reaction, because of this I don't want to talk at all, it's easy & no one needs to get angry if they don't like what they hear. I have been told though, if people get angry, it's a reflection of them not me.

I just worry about things I shouldn't!

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Perhaps I can help because "worry" is a dirty word.

Think about this- what does worry give you that's positive? It will give you ulcers and that's negative.

Combined with that is low confidence/identity in your case.

Ideally therapy could sort this out so consider that.

But there is one thing positive in you- you are not a sheep that does what others do. And you won't wear jumpers out either lol

Please Google the following-

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

repost anytime in those threads or here.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

There is a collection of people I know who all get around in shorts and t-shirts during the colder months and if there's one thing they all have in common it's...they're more energetic than everyone else. To have so much energy to the point where it keeps you warm is impressive in my opinion. Do you ever question why others don't have as much energy as you? Do you ever wonder what's wrong with them. Do their energy levels match their personality?

Would you say you're dealing with somewhat unreasonable people? While you can offer perfectly good reasons that make perfectly good sense, they just can't open their mind to such reasons. Are you more open minded than most people you know? Do you wonder a lot and try to make sense of things, whereas others don't seem to question in constructive ways? Do you take the emotion out of situations when 'objective analysis' is the key to a solution? Do people tend to label you as 'sensitive' or 'too sensitive'? Is it typically the insensitive people who do this?

If all this does happen to be the case, you could say you have the ability to generate your own perfect amount of energy, the ability to reason, the ability to keep an open mind, the ability to analyse and try to make sense of things, the ability to sense degradation form others and the list goes on. Again, if this is the case, you have a lot of abilities others don't seem to have. You gotta admit, you're pretty amazing. If you feel you don't fit in, in certain ways, it's possibly because you're not interacting with others who hold the same abilities. Do you feel this could be the case?

🙂

[JacintaMarie]

Hi therising, thanks for your kind words, some of what you say may be true, though in outside temperatures I do wear a jumper lol

I usually see that I'm wrong & that others are right, I am sensitive.

You may be right & the people at work may be unreasonable, but with my self esteem, it may be my head, I don't trust the thoughts in my head, they may be not be telling the truth & are warping me.

I don't know if it's me, but sometimes I get confused when they are explaining stuff, I feel so dumb as I didn't get it.

I am on anxiety pills, which are helping, a little, though I'm having a relapse now...

I feel bad because after 5 years, even I am feeling tired of this heating crisis, then I feel bad for feeling this way, I'm not caring enough for their pain (their words)

[JacintaMarie]

Hi White Knight

Thanks, I'll try to do that & therapy I'll think about it, I work full time, so I'll try.

I do have low confidence.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi JacintaMarie,

Thank you for your post and for trying to explain what's going on. I'm not sure if I get it fully so please correct me if I am misunderstanding.

So the current temperature here is 12c, and if I go outside I can see some people who are wearing shorts and others in big puffer jackets- and everything in between. Yes, some of the clothing choices can be energy based, but it can also just be general body warmth or environment (like when people relocate from different climates).

If you are interacting with these people and you say that you feel cold, and people in shorts say it's hot - is that what makes you feel insecure? That somehow you aren't doing the right thing by wearing shorts?

I'm sorry this is a bit long winded- I just want to try and make sure I understand what it is that upsets you.

rt

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Romantic

Yes, that 's the gist of it, only at work, I'm the opposite, I'm wearing short sleeve tee-shirts & the others are wearing jumpers etc, for some reason I think there' s something wrong with me. I'm literally the only one in the office that is like that

You have nailed it, I understand that people have different body Temps but when I try to explain that, they don't listen. I, have Googled that there is no such thing as a perfect office temperature but can I say that to them... No, they will not like that

Sorry I'm pathetic for getting insecure about this, or I'm frustrated at having to explain again and again why I'm not cold.

I think our office is too large to heat up adequately but have no proof but don't want to say anything because I don't want to get "yelled up"

Sorry Beyond Blue, for my patheticness.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi again

Another of my rants, another thing too is that I don't tell people what they want to say.

I think this is what people do, so it's easier, just tell people what they want. But I'm stupid and I end up saying it, or I don't tell them at all, it's just easier, I don't know why I bother as they don't listen

Once I get this out of my head, then it'll be okay.

Thank you for putting up with this rant,

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

I'm so glad you feel the freedom to vent. It's good therapy.

I think sometimes we just have to manage people to the best of our ability, under certain circumstances. Of course, our abilities change with experience which means we may look forward to being able to manage people more expertly over time. If you consider we're typically conditioned to be people pleasers when we're little, as we grow we manage the challenges that come with not always pleasing or having to please others. It's kind of like learning your way out of a self destructive form of people pleaser mode. It definitely pays to learn how to please yourself a little more. It's good for mental health.

Sometimes it's easier to please others, say when we're feeling really mentally drained and not really up for a battle. Sometimes it's easier to please our self, which may mean triggering others. Sometimes you may be challenged to say what others don't want to hear but really need to hear. I found once I finally found the freedom to speak freely, I had to work on developing a filter, so as to sift out anything that may be regarded as an insult. Giving yourself the freedom to say to someone incredibly arrogant 'You're such a shockingly degrading thoughtless human being' can have you burning some bridges that you may actually still need in place 🙂 There's such a variety of scenarios when it comes to communication and our attempts to master it.

🙂

Do you ever observe the nature of the people you work with? Getting to know how they naturally tick might make it easier to manage their personalities. Just a thought.

[white knight]

Hi

Just a little word about sensitivity.

HSP= highly sensitive person makes up to 20% of the population.

That's right 1 in 5. I'm one too. Sensitivity has qualities attached to it like being more considerate, deep emotions and feelings.

Without my sensitivity I wouldn't be able to write poetry.

You are very special, you have to convince yourself of that.

TonyWK