My feelings

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

I have feelings that I have and when people don't respect them (if this is the correct word) I feel worthless. And when other people feel one way, I feel bad for not feeling that way, I'm sorry, that's the way I can explain, I 'm not explaining it well.

For example, at work, I'm the only one who wears a short sleeve tee shirt & everyone else complains about the cold, I feel the odd one out for not feeling cold. I have made the mistake of explaining but this just makes them angry, they don't want to hear this, I've even said, perhaps the area is too large an area to heat up, the smaller the room, the quicker it is to heat, or is this completely wrong!

I know, I know, I shouldn't say anything, I need to be prepared for the opposite reaction, because of this I don't want to talk at all, it's easy & no one needs to get angry if they don't like what they hear. I have been told though, if people get angry, it's a reflection of them not me.

I just worry about things I shouldn't!

[JacintaMarie]

Hi The rising

Thanks for answering me, sorry my reply is late.

At work, every time I'm away from my desk & there's a problem, my colleagues can't figure it out, or they keep on forgetting, despite me leaving emails to tell them about it. I think I'm a terrible communicator, at least one colleague makes me think that, she always gets nervous when I'm explaining stuff to her, I'm at the point where I feel I can't talk to her, I confuse her too much or she "panics" when I talk, there is someone else who is the same, though I can usually understand them, anyway that's how I want to deal with it, just avoid her, if can. When I hear them talking to others, it's always normal tone of voice, laughing & with me, boring, serious & I can't talk it with her, as she won't understand & miss the point, another colleague sometimes talks to me as though I'm always doing things wrong or I'm an idiot, I have tried to talk to her, to say can you please don't talk to me like that but she just turned it around onto me, so it's me. I just wish I could write an email that they can understand & that I don't need to be around to solve or maybe I shouldn't do it, as I'm just terrible at it.

I honestly am trying, but I just can't seem to do it & I feel bad but I feel like their really hard to talk to, but that's wrong, I'm the one with problem.

Sorry for vent, it does help & crying it too, at how pathetic I am or I'm being self pitying,. I am talking to a counsellor on the 17th of January

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks

I guess I may have perfection but it's mainly I don't want to get it wrong in case someone goes off at me.

Sorry for late reply

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

Good to hear you're booked in to see a counselor. I think just about all of us need some guidance in life here and there. Having some solid guidance can make a world of difference. Seeking guidance is positive constructive progress. I like to see it as 'being given a lantern on a part of our path in life which can be hard to see our way through'. Things can look a little dark and/or unclear at times.

I think sometimes it can be hard regarding the job we've got, based on a variety of reasons. While I work as a kitchen hand (dish washer, general go to person for the chef and other things) in an aged care facility, no one else in the place, apart from the other kitchen hands and the chef somewhat can relate to this job. Hard to imagine but it's a high pressure job where routine and timing are significant in an 8 hour shift. You can't fall behind for a second without things becoming somewhat stressful. You can be in a job where the people around you can't relate to what it's like to do that job and this can create problems. You can be triggered by other employees and management quite easily at times, based on them being insensitive to not having walked a mile in your shoes. Then, suddenly, you can find people who relate to the triggers and stressors. When you find fellow employees who can relate, you can come to realise it's not you that has the problem necessarily. By the way, just the other day the chef was told to start making sandwiches and fruit platters for the care staff on a daily basis. When the chef explained she didn't have the time while working to prepare meals and other food for the residents, she was told by management 'Find the time'. How triggering is that?!

I think, sometimes you can be left to wonder 'Is this the right job for me? Is this the best working environment for me? Am I being taken good care of regarding the kind of care and consideration I deserve, based on who I am?'. We can be left to wonder if the workplace is toxic in some way or whether it provides a sense of true satisfaction. Would a different place or job offer something better? If self esteem is perhaps low, we may say 'There's something wrong with me'. If self esteem is healthy, we can wake up to the fact that where we're working really isn't working for us.

How does where you work and the people within that environment serve you? Are they more so self serving people?

[JacintaMarie]

Hi The rising

Thanks for that, your job is important, it helps the chef & perhaps hopefully the chef will find a way to make those sandwiches, here's hoping.

I am looking for another job, though I haven't had much luck, I've looked but haven't applied for any.

I do over analyse conversations, seeing if I've done anything wrong & if I have, I need to fix it, though I've noticed other people do stuff wrong but they don't want to fix themselves.

I know I shouldn't but there's one girl there who probably thinks I'm am an idiot as she always seems to panic/stress when I do something wrong (which triggers me), to be honest she confuses me, she's not my supervisor but likes to tell people what to do, then I have my supervisor who tells me what to do, which usually is the opposite of what the girl tells me, I'm abit scared of both of them so want to make them happy but its like being stuck between a rock & a hard place, I'm going to "get it" either way.

But hopefully I can leave but I need to learn how to deal with these people so at the new job, I don't take my issues there.

Also too, your right, the people at work don't understand me, I'm like an alien, well that's what it feels like

Thanks for answering me & good luck with the new task, I'm sure you'll work it out!

[JacintaMarie]

Hi again

The girl at work that I have trouble with, that's her, she can't change and I shouldn't want to change her.

I just find her hard to work with, I always seem to get it wrong & get confused. Everyone else can just deal with her.

When she is happy, she's lovely to be around but if she's in a grumpy or angry, then you have to be on guard.

Sorry for whining, I just need to get strategies to not let her get to me, I think I'm the only one, everyone else likes her, thinks she's the best & she's wonderful.

[smallwolf]

You said that

she's in a grumpy or angry, then you have to be on guard.

this is natural. I would also say that if this were the case before you did anything (relatively speaking) then maybe something on the way to work or at home made her this way. It is not a reflection on your abilities. Maybe she does not deal with stress very well.

My boss does not deal with stress very well. Gets all flustered and short tempered. I have to remind myself that it is not me! Others think she is the great also... but they are not around her all the time either.

Are you on friendly terms with her? Maybe could ask her about what is going on for her?

Any of this help?

[JacintaMarie]

Hi smallwolf

Thanks, that's great, you may be right, she may not deal with stress very well & stuff happens on the way to work that puts her in a bad way. She has come in with the tell tale grumpiness...

I'm not that friendly with her, so I can't ask, or I've tried to be friendly but have had too many knock backs from her, so I stay away from her, as much as possible, I'm a little scared, between her & Team Leader it's like being stuck between rock & hard place.

For example, she sits by the window & if she's away, the blind goes up & ooh if we forget to put blind down, grumpiness comes out! So little things get up her goat, think everyone else thinks she's great too, but then their not around her all the time.

One time, someone ended up opening a pineocleen packet the wrong way, so she sent an passive aggressive email around the office, I thought it was me, so I brought a new packet. I don't know if it was me, can't remember, apparently they had budget constraints, so they couldn't buy another.

You are right, I just have to deal with her better, then I can move on to something else, as there will be others like her, everywhere

[smallwolf]

Thanks.

If this person does get to work already grumpy, it can have an effect for some time and if you do something really minor, she may over react,

Comparison ... a person would get worked up when a chair was put away incorrectly. Most would just fix it and move on. This person will tell me that other people have no idea and don't follow the rules.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi smallwolf

Thanks for that, that is true, today I wasn't triggered,which is good. Just need to learn not to be triggered.

Something happy,I managed to figure out the new ServiceWA app,I was happy could do it, as others said it was hard, was fiddly but did it!

[smallwolf]

Really cool!

I know that feeling. I was trying to get my vax status into the checkin Qld app. I was following the directions and nothing worked. Then someone showed me an alternative way of doing it and Bang, like a snap. OK. I needed help, but that feeling of happiness was great!